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Thread: Is this love? I need advice

  1. #1
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    Is this love? I need advice

    Please read my recent thread first so you have some idea of the situation I'm in (What to do with my ex who was my best friend that wants to hang out....)
    It gives a lot more insight in how our previous relationship was an the specifics of the situation.



    So I posted on here not too long ago about how I wanted to reconnect with my ex and give her an opportunity to not feel bad about the past. After reading the replies telling me that it's best to just try and stay friends I felt like I could be making a big mistake by actually contacting her. After some contemplating I ended up asking her anyway and she seemed really happy to come.
    Thursday when I got back from my job she was at our house with my sister. Even though we hadn't seen each other in 8 months, we connected easily and were the best of friends again. The whole experience was pretty heartfelt, we talked about what went wrong and she told me how she had been in a bad place mentally and was slowly building her life back up. It even felt a little flirty when she told me all this stuff.
    Now I didn't want to fall hook line and sinker again like last time so I played it cool and she seemed to appreciate that. Well, we ended up going to a nice restaurant with her and my sister and had a fun time. I ended up asking her if she wanted to hang out on friday at our house with some friends, she agreed and ended up coming early so we could cook dinner together. I'm pretty good in the kitchen so I prepared some garlic fries and home-made chicken nuggets with some help of her and my sister. The other friend who was coming arrived and we all ate the stuff and watched some scary movies. By this point I was just lost in a world of bliss, it had been so long since I actually did something nice and meaningful like this and I was experiencing it with the girl I though I would never see again. Well, we ended up staying up until 5am and because the movie we watched was so scary, I ended up sleeping in the same room as her and my sister. By this point, the fact that I actually didn't want to date her drifted further in the back of my mind and I ultimately ended up just sharing a bed with her. I had realized that we had both become a lot more mature. Before we broke up I was almost her yes man, constantly getting ordered around and never really expressing my opinion. Now that I actually hated her for 7 months, I feel that were on a whole lot more level playing field.
    Still I didn't really want to rush into things. She didn't seem to mind the attention she was getting but I couldn't let her feel like she could just date me any time she wants like I'm some kind of pet. She ended up staying the whole weekend and about 70% of this time was us just sharing a blanket telling stories about what we've been up to.
    My cat was on the brink of dying and sadly passed away yesterday so that was a bit of a mood kill but we had a great time.

    Now I just really want to know if it's smart for me to start dating her again. She did cheat with me but it genuinely feels like she regrets her decisions and that she's changed for the better. During the time she broke up with me, she had just quit her education, her grandpa was dying and her ex was desperately trying to get her back. It sucked that she did something like this but I really do think she deserves another chance.
    I've spend these last 8 months becoming the person I never thought I could be. I just don't want her to be uncomfortable with the way I'm approaching this. Even though we spend most of the weekend propped up against each other, we still chatted for almost 1.5 hours after she left. I can't imagine she found it uncomfortable but yea, you never know.

    If anybody has been in a similar situation I would really like hearing their opinion. As I've said before, me and her both have high functioning autism / asperger syndrome so love is a bit of a tricky thing for the both of us. She also seems to have some trust issues due to all her previous failed relationships so I think she really appreciated me handling it so maturely without making a scene about what she did. I really wasn't angry with her anymore and it was very clear she wasn't expecting that.

  2. #2
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    Well, she cheated on you for the entire 2 months that you dated and she didn't seem to be as into you as you were into her, so if you start dating again, I think you have to lay down some ground rules, such as no sleeping with other guys and that you have to talk about your feelings for each other on a regular basis. And you have to be honest with each other. Otherwise the same thing is going to happen again. But really make sure she wants to start over and date again because she didn't actually say she wanted to. Make sure you both want the same thing before you do anything.

  3. #3
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    Hey, thanks for the advice. I'll see how thinks go for now and if I think its a goot time I'll tell her how I feel. She only cheated for a couple days but it's still a complicated situation. I'm glad I can get some help here!

  4. #4
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    Based on this thread about your breakup, [Register to see the link] , no, I wouldn't say this is love. You two are on a high from seeing each other again and the hormones are surging, but the underlying problems are more than likely still there. People tend to get blinded by the lust fog, from the the thrill of reconnecting, but once the fog burns off, reality is there to remind why you broke up in the first place.

    She isn't an honest person, and she doesn't sound like the most mature individual. I doubt she's grown or changed that much since your break-up, but something tells me you are going to find this out the hard way.

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  6. #5
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    If it is love you should notice it. It's like being on drugs and needing the other person. In any case it seems like you two have fun together and if you're willing to give it another chance then I hope things work out for both of you. Good luck.


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