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Thread: Am I overreacting?

  1. #1

    Am I overreacting?

    Here's a bit of background before the question. So I have been with my now husband for over 7 years married 2 years. His son is a only child on his mother's side where as between me and my husband there are 7 kids 4 together 1 with his ex and 2 with mine. The sons mother is really conniving (hope i spelt it right) she told the son to run away and he wouldn't have to go back (he is spoilt and given what he wants there as with is he has rules and boundaries) so he ran away I ended up finding him and he had used a stranger's phone to call his mother. His mother shoved him in her car and took off. That night my husband went and spoke to her and his son and she tried to claim I was emotionally and mentally abusing him. My husband recordered the conversation (it's legal to do so in our state) and the mother even said she knew I was not abusing the son apparently a lawyer told her to say that but she is a compulsive liar. (I have seen a child protection worker I organised that to clear my name) and I have been cleared and it's been put down to the mother and son trying to break us up and bring me down).

    Now to the point sorry it's so long even though I have been cleared it seems like my husband's family have taken the ex and sons side. I have tried to talk to his mother about it 24 days later I'm still waiting to hear back from her yet they are bffs with the mother now (absolutely hated her before) I feel like they have believed the lies even though I have proof it was all made up (plus if I was abusive you would report it right? Well the mother hasn't so that says a lot) I have brought this up with my husband and how I feel I'm devastated our extended family is no more as that is how it feels. He keeps saying she doesn't believe it blah blah blah yet why has his mother ignored me and refused to talk to me. He won't say anything to her won't stick up for me in the sense of saying that she really needs to talk to me and sort this out as I have done nothing. He can see it's breaking my heart yet it feels like he doesn't care. I have told him I need a break we live together but he is in a different room now. I can't be with a man who would rather make his mum happy then make sure his wife is happy (isn't the first time too has been happening for years but this is the final straw) . He still doesn't care so I am thinking about being done for good but I don't know what to do. I am also currently pregnant and don't want to devastate the kids by divorcing him. He keeps telling me to talk to her Um yeah I tried 24 days ago!!!

  2. #2
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    I'm not sure exactly of everything that's going on, but normally in these sorts of cases, I would say it's your husband's problem to deal with. I understand you were accused of abuse, so you were drawn into it, but you shouldn't be involved. As for talking to his mother, you should call her again. To keep peace with the family you should call her every day until she answers your call. Also, I would advise you not to give any opinions of what you think of the kid's mother or of him. But let your husband deal with his kid's behavior and try to keep out of any conflict.

    To answer your question, yeah, I think you're overreacting. Don't go to war with your mother-in-law. Don't force your husband to pick between his wife and his mother. And stop interfering how this kid is being raised. You can't win. Worry about your husband and your kids with him. Butt out of things you can't control within your extended family.

  3. #3
    Thanks for the reply I am leaving it up to my husband to deal with but he isn't. I'm not involved with anything I haven't spoken to the kid since this happen over 2 months ago he doesn't come here anymore as I can't risk him lying more or his mother and me loosing my kids or anything else stress wise happening and I'm definitely not interfering with how he is raised I have nothing to do with that (my husband still sees his son but does so at his mother's). I have tried to reach out to MIL quite a few times being 7 months pregnant I'm not going to work myself up over her not answering me. I don't want my husband to have to pick sides I want him to stand up to her in all the years of dating him there have been other issues with her and not treating the kids equally is the main one. I grew up being treated different and won't allow that for my kids. If I bring up anything with her she cries and carries on and my husband has a go at me. I have never been rude it's not in my nature it's been 7 years of making sure she is happy and being pleased and me being put in the back seat. To be accused of Child Abuse is the worst thing anyone can accuse you of and to be cleared but still treated like the biggest b*tch is unfair.

  4. #4
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    He keeps telling me to talk to her Um yeah I tried 24 days ago!!!

    He has no business telling you to talk to your stepson's mom. Or does he mean your mother in law?

    Did he really record his ex? Did you actually hear it? Or did he just say that to pacify you?

    What should happen is that he should stick up for you, and then he should bring you and mother in law together so you can state your peace or he should defend you plain and simple.

    Do not do anything radical during your pregnancy. your hormones are heightening a lot of things.

    I think your stepson should be in counseling and you and your husband should be in counseling.

    Don't force your husband to pick between his wife and his mother.

    Well- the only correct answer is for him to pick the wife. you know the whole leaving the parents and cleaving to your spouse? If abuse is alleged against your wife and it is patently untrue, you stick up for your wife.

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  6. #5
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    If I bring up anything with her she cries and carries on and my husband has a go at me.

    I hate to say this, but my ex MIL was the same. If she didn't feel she was getting enough the attention or she wasn't at the center -- she would cry, the dramatic phone calls would come, etc. even over something as simple as she wanted to come over and we already had plans. I was ultimately left for "mother"....

  7. #6
    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    He keeps telling me to talk to her Um yeah I tried 24 days ago!!!

    He has no business telling you to talk to your stepson's mom. Or does he mean your mother in law?

    Did he really record his ex? Did you actually hear it? Or did he just say that to pacify you?

    What should happen is that he should stick up for you, and then he should bring you and mother in law together so you can state your peace or he should defend you plain and simple.

    Do not do anything radical during your pregnancy. your hormones are heightening a lot of things.

    I think your stepson should be in counseling and you and your husband should be in counseling.

    Don't force your husband to pick between his wife and his mother.

    Well- the only correct answer is for him to pick the wife. you know the whole leaving the parents and cleaving to your spouse? If abuse is alleged against your wife and it is patently untrue, you stick up for your wife.
    He means MIL which yeah I have tried. He did record it I listened to it. That's how I know the sons mother said she knew it wasn't true but then in other messages she sent him decides oh no it is all because she wants the son to stay there and she can act like the perfect parent which she is far from she left and took everything while my husband was away with their son he was 1 my husband came home to a empty house and the mother only in the last 2 years has decided to act like a parent and be involved. I am currently in counselling it's the only thing that has kept me sane through this all. He thinks because i have been cleared that that's it but it's apparently not the reason why I initiated clearing my name through the right channels was to avoid this but apparently it means nothing.

  8. #7
    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    If I bring up anything with her she cries and carries on and my husband has a go at me.

    I hate to say this, but my ex MIL was the same. If she didn't feel she was getting enough the attention or she wasn't at the center -- she would cry, the dramatic phone calls would come, etc. even over something as simple as she wanted to come over and we already had plans. I was ultimately left for "mother"....
    I think this may be heading down the same path unfortuently and it's also the kids in the end who will suffer :(

  9. #8
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    I would just say to keep going to counseling and don't do anything until the baby is born. In your third trimester, your hormones are going crazy and mood swings are quite common, so don't trust your feelings right now. I understand better about your MIL and you're not going to change her, so you should just let her rant and rave and don't engage her at all. Let the whole step-son issue just wash over you. You can't do anything about that. And don't try to help in that situation. Also don't blame your husband. He's trying to keep the peace between everyone and that requires a lot of compromise. Meanwhile, try to get as much rest as possible. You're going through a lot right now and things can seem out of your control. Just concentrate on the things you can control and focus on those.

  10. #9
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    It may be best to let it blow over. Clear there is family dysfunction and animosity between your husband and his ex wife. The more of a hands off approach you take to his son, the better.

    Stop trying to prove anything to anyone. His mother doesn't have to talk to you. Stop pestering her. That is her grandson, you are merely the dad's new wife. Let her brood, that's her problem.

    Let his father discipline and deal with the son. If he dumps this on you, then the problem is between you and your husband. Some marriage counselling to help deal with the challenges of blended families would help.

    It sounds like the real problem is your marriage, not his mother or his son or his ex wife. You keep making it about that but the issues is your marriage. You are enemies camped out in different corners with a tracker trailer of resentment built up.
    Originally Posted by Marriedmumma
    between me and my husband there are 7 kids 4 together 1 with his ex and 2 with mine. That night my husband went and spoke to her and his son and she tried to claim I was emotionally and mentally abusing him.

    I have told him I need a break we live together but he is in a different room now. isn't the first time too has been happening for years but this is the final straw) . I am also currently pregnant and don't want to devastate the kids by divorcing him.

  11. #10
    Jhain's Avatar
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    You can be over-reacting and not. The most important thing don't rush into taking decions and steps that might ruin your children's life.


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