What am I supposed to do?

So I guess this is going to be long but please bear with me. I am 19 and my ex boyfriend is 18. We had been friends for around 4 years before we started dating because he was a friend of my brothers. When all of my high school friends went away to college and i stayed at college locally i decided to just become closer with my brothers group of friends. A little over a year ago my ex and i started casually hooking up. Within a few months we confessed we had feelings for eachother but he said he wasn’t ready to date because he didn’t know how my brother would feel. He also said he was afraid to get attached to someone again because he lost his brother to a drug overdose 2 years ago and then his mother to cancer a year ago. I understood and told him to take his time. During the few months until we actually started dating he was kind of disrespectful towards me. I know we weren’t officially dating but i assumed that because we had been friends so long and we both discussed our feelings he would be more respectful. Well i assumed wrong. He lied about many things including girls he was talking to, hanging out with including the one ex girlfriend hes ever had. She would call him constantly and it bothered me which caused some hurt and arguments about trust. It wasn’t the fact that he was talking to people or hanging out with people it was the lies. He said he understood and that bc he wanted to date and regain my trust he was going to delete social media all together. That confused me a lot because all i asked was for him to stop contact w his ex but he went very extreme so i just assumed he was really trying. We finally started dating and i still had some trust issues that he said i needed to let go of because he wanted to be with me and that should be enough. In august i looked at his phone which i know was wrong and i saw he had a twitter where he liked a lot of girls pictures and what not. He said he was sorry for lying and that they were just stupid online girls that meant nothing and deleted his twitter. I became even more untrusting and always felt like he was lying. I should also mention that while we dated it was very intense. He slept over all the time only hungout with our mutual friends while i was there he came to family dinners holidays birthdays on vacation with my family twice and i went away with his family too. He also lost his virginity to me. He was supposed to start at community college in the fall and i tried to push him bc he never had motivation for anything except to lay in bed with me or smoke and then wait for me to come back from my classes. He ended up saying he wasnt ready and that he would start in the spring because he wasnt in a good place. I told him id be there for him and support him but sitting around wasnt good for him. I tried helping him apply to jobs or pushing him to spend time home with his dad who is also very sick or to spend time with friends without me but he always refused. About a week ago we were hanging out and got into an argument about me going away for thanksgiving. I told him i was worried about being so far away for the first time and he got very defensive and said if i cant trust him we need to breakup. He decided he loved me so much that he wanted to try and work on things. I told him he should go out with his friends but i wasnt really comfortable yet with him hanging out w girls because of his lying. I told him i know at some point if he remains honest we will get to that point where i can be comfortable with that. He said he understood bc he knew my past of exes cheated on me and my dads cheating on my mom since i was a baby and he said he would just be with one of his friends and he would facetime me that night to say goodnight. The night before i left he told me he loved me and would miss me so much and he couldnt wait to be here to sleepover when i got home. Thanksgiving morning comes and hes his usual cute self sending me selfies saying he misses me. That night he says hes going out and went to his friends house. I got nervous and asked if girls would be thrre which he said no. Later in the night i asked again and he got very upset saying im frustrating and hes allowed to be out. I left him alone for a few hours and at 2am i asked if he would be home soon to facetime. He said probably not ill be later. Then a few minutes later he said he was sleeping at his friends house. I got upset not bc he was sleeping out just bc it was another broken promise. I finally said okay can we just call to say goodnight and he said no hes trying to sleep. The next morning i wakeup to a text that says idk if i can do this anymore. He barely answers me all day i apologized for the way i acted and he finally answers at 2pm saying his phones been off all day but that he wants to talk and will come over as soon as i get home. I get home but he was out w friends so 3 hours go by and he finally shows up. He sits down and says idk if i can do this. I give him a whole talk about how im really trying to change and last night was wakeup call that if i dont let go of the past ill lose you. Then he just kept repeating no no no im done im done i cant no i cant i need to be done. I then got a little upset saying well when i asked you if you were just coming to breakup with me whyd youd say no im coming to talk about it. He just kept saying no no no i have to leave. I got him to calm down for a second to say that bc of all his sleeping over he has about 10 sweatshirts pajamas cologne slippers sneakers and his playstation here so he needed to take them home. He told me to keep his clothes he doesnt want them and that he would leave his playstation and whatever else here as a reason to come back and hangout as friends. He then kissed me twice and hugged me and left. That was 2 days ago. Since then all hes done is go out he made new social medias and followed every girl i used to be worried about our mutual friends post pics of him smiling giving thumbs up etc. I texted him last night saying do you want to come get your things now (bc he was at his friends up the block) i will put them in your duffle bag and leave them in my car because i think its easier that way. He responded by saying “no its okay, do you want to talk next week if you’re up for it? And then i can come get some stuff maybe” and then i didnt answer for a few minutes and he said “but if u dont want to see my stuff around i guess I understand i guess i can come now if thats what u want” I responded by saying “ok maybe we can talk i just thought this might be easier” and then he never answered. I just dont get what all this means how do you switch up so fast? Is it even worth it talking to him? I just want to get him back I’m so very willing to change to make this work because i know my trust issues will affect future relationships. How can i get him to see i can change and give me a chance...do you think he will ever come back?

I feel so terrible i cant eat ive been taking sleeping pills to sleep i can barely get out of bed. Sorry this is so long but any advice would be very greatly appreciated

Please divide your wall of text into paragraphs if you want replies!

Sorry this happened. He was too immature for you. Ask your parents to take you to a doctor to get evaluated for depression, substance misuse and for a referral to a therapist.

I am 19 and my ex boyfriend is 18. I feel so terrible i cant eat ive been taking sleeping pills to sleep i can barely get out of bed.

It sounds to me like you have been a convenient bootie call for him. I don't think he's ever been about a serious relationship with you, which is why he started out with so many lies. Men of integrity don't lie. Not even about little things. He obviously does not have integrity. Stop being a victim and trying to control him and let him go. Drop his stuff off at his house, walk away, and block him in every way you possibly can. Otherwise he will keep contacting you every time he gets horny and wants a quick bootie call, then leave you hanging again.

ah sorry i started venting and lost track. Is there any way to edit?

Yeah, I think every time he got angry with you and couldn't Facetime you, he was hanging out with a girl. He was trying to deflect it back on you and telling you that you're the problem. But it was really him. Also, as Wiseman said, the guy is immature, in an 18-year old sort of way. He wants to hang around with his friends. He's lazy. He wants to drink and smoke and go out. He doesn't want to settle down with one girl, and he wants to fool around and do stupid things.

You're much more serious and you're internalizing this all too much. Come on, you deserve better than this guy. You need a guy who wants a full-time girlfriend. Who is looking for that special bond that a couple has. You don't need a boneheaded teenager who can't be trusted. Why don't you look around school for a nice, compatible guy who has goals and wants a full-time girlfriend.

Stop taking sleeping pills. Get out of bed. Go for a walk or a run. Join a gym. Hang out with other friends, not from your brother's group. See if there's a club you can join at school. You're going to make something of yourself. You don't need a bum of a boyfriend pulling you down.

ah sorry i started venting and lost track. Is there any way to edit?

Too late. Don't worry about it.