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should I continue seeing her?


nman414

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okay, I wasn't really sure how to write this so it might be a little all over the place so bear with me.

First some background, I'm a teenage guy and Ive been "seeing" the same girl from my last post for about two months now. In the past couple of days we've been taking larger strides to actually becoming bf/gf. over our thanksgiving break, I was house/ dog sitting for a friend so I invited her over to come see the dog because she loves dogs, long story short we ended up just sitting on the couch cuddling/ holding hands for an hour or two. we did that like three times in the past few days and I really really enjoyed it. We still haven't kissed though, I know she wants to but I'm just not really sure how to make my move, this is my first real gf and my first kiss while she's been with a few guys before. Im also scared that once we kiss, it'll seal the deal for us being boyfriend and girlfriend, which I'm not really sure I want.

She's super awesome and I really like her and want to date her, but she smokes weed and vapes, two things that I am really not for. I understand in todays world those are two really common things among teens, I just really can't get behind them. Ive told her I don't like her doing those things but she doesn't seem to care. She vapes while we facetime and even vapes in the car or when we hang out. It kinda feels like she is teasing me or doing it on purpose even though I know she isn't. So thats the really the main thing holding me back, I don't think my parents would react positively if they found out and if my friends found out I was dating her, they might be suspicious that I was starting to do it as well.

Any feedback is welcome on either part of the situation, sorry for it being all over the place.

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Well, it depends on how you feel about it. For a lot of people, vaping or smoking weed is a deal killer. I couldn't stand people who smoked. As for kissing, just lean in and do it while you're cuddling or hold hands, but you're correct, she might take this as you wanting to become boyfriend/girlfriend. You are getting personal. But you have to make a decision on whether you want to continue the relationship or not before you kiss her.

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It all depends on you really with the smoking... Like you said it's common amongst teenagers now. That said it is a massive deal breaker to some people.

 

Alot of online profiles will state they don't want to be with someone who smokes or takes drugs. It's a personal choice.

 

I don't smoke myself and not a massive fan. I still dated someone who Vaped. I grew up with smokers so it was easy for me to get used to.

 

So that side all depends on you. You have to get used to it sadly if you want a relationship with her eventually.

 

As for the first kiss. The fact you two are close and cuddling that's a great start. Next time you find yourself on that situation. Lean in for the kiss.

 

Before initiate eye contact. Maybe brush hair away from her face and lean in.

 

Best of luck :)

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It sounds as though you like her but there are deal breakers and red flags causing some hesitation. Your instincts are excellent that these things are not what you are into and not what your friends and family view as ok.

 

There are plenty of girls who don't have these bad habits and who are more in line with your healthier lifestyle. It doesn't matter if she thinks she's "cool" . Don't cave in to peer pressure and stand up for your values.

 

You can back up from this girl and start dating better girls.

Im also scared that once we kiss, it'll seal the deal for us being boyfriend and girlfriend, which I'm not really sure I want. She's super awesome and I really like her and want to date her, but she smokes weed and vapes, two things that I am really not for.
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If you don’t like that she smokes, don’t start a relationship. You can’t change what she does, and she seems to be already showing that. I know you want a girlfriend, but so you want to settle for one who smokes and vapes—or wait for someone who has more of what you’re looking for.

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