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Thread: After 3 years and a month, she still keeps trying

  1. #1
    Platinum Member Seymore's Avatar
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    After 3 years and a month, she still keeps trying

    My ex and I had a very rough breakup. Heck, a rough relationship. She was emotionally abusive and one time physically abusive and I left. I haven't responded to her since December 2015, but that didn't stop her from trying to contact me in various ways. When she physically entered my complex two years ago I went for a restraining order but they couldn't give me one as I reported it too late. The police warned her not to contact me but it's been so long that I don't think two emails in a year and a half would be grounds for a restraining order.

    I don't feel like going into the backstory again but earlier this month she emailed me from a new address asking to meet for coffee. I blocked that email address and didn't respond as usual.

    Tonight I was clearing out my spam and found that she messaged me two days ago saying how she hopes I'm happy and healthy. I have one of those free websites for my portfolio where you can't configure much so I can't block her from there.

    I just emailed the website asking if they can possibly block her from their end. In the meantime I kept the email in a stalking folder in case it goes further.

    3 years and she still won't give up. It affects me a lot less than it used to but it still bugs me.
    Last edited by Seymore; 11-24-2018 at 11:21 PM.

  2. #2
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    Why don't you change your email address?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Carus's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear that Seymore*

    But I'm also sorry for her too that she's still going through it on some level...A grave warning for dumpees for sure. Your post strengthens my resolve to stay NC and keep moving forward.

    I'm curious though, why you wouldn't meet her after this amount of time.

    Is it something in you? Is it you don't want to give her any false hope? All of the above...? etc

    Hope you're doing well.

    Carus*

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    Platinum Member Seymore's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Why don't you change your email address?


    While I already have two email addresses and it would be a pain to update everything, I considered that. If I change my address, I have to change it on my website so possible clients can reach me, and she will have access to it then. If the website responds to me and can block her I think I will be ok, then I can change my email.

    I know that's a lot of rambling but I did consider it. We will see if the site I'm on can block her.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Seymore's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Carus
    Sorry to hear that Seymore*

    But I'm also sorry for her too that she's still going through it on some level...A grave warning for dumpees for sure. Your post strengthens my resolve to stay NC and keep moving forward.

    I'm curious though, why you wouldn't meet her after this amount of time.

    Is it something in you? Is it you don't want to give her any false hope? All of the above...? etc

    Hope you're doing well.

    Carus*
    She has had a history of abuse (especially alcohol abuse) and violence, not to mention cheating. I just don't believe that has all changed or will ever change, especially at her age. None of her correspondence even mentioned the work she's done, because I know she's done no work. I've kept tabs (I check the county docket every few months) and know she's been sued three times this year, so her life is still full of drama.

    I know she wants to be "friends", and then try to slowly push me into another relationship. Suck me back in slowly. I don't buy the friendly image at all and I don't think I can ever trust her again.

    She's not going through it, either. She just wants control over me again and wants all I have to offer and this is a ploy. She's not getting what she wants and it's driving her crazy.

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by Seymore
    While I already have two email addresses and it would be a pain to update everything, I considered that. If I change my address, I have to change it on my website so possible clients can reach me, and she will have access to it then. If the website responds to me and can block her I think I will be ok, then I can change my email.

    I know that's a lot of rambling but I did consider it. We will see if the site I'm on can block her.
    That's a problem.

    Why can't you get her for harassment? She continues to reach out, after you have told her not to contact you.

    She sounds really off.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Seymore's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    That's a problem.

    Why can't you get her for harassment? She continues to reach out, after you have told her not to contact you.

    She sounds really off.
    Because it's twice in a year and a half (who knows how many more she had sent from the addresses I've blocked and never got). I don't think anyone could consider that harassment.

    She is off, definitely. I got to know her too well for the 2.5 years we dated. And when she showed up wasted in my building in July, two years ago, it confirmed it. Unfortunately she was banging on my neighbor's door that night and my neighbor didn't tell me until a month later - too late to file a report, according to the police.

    But I'm keeping all of this correspondence in case it gets ugly again in the coming months. Then I can build a case.

    My friend just told me "you must be a hell of a lay!"... Funny but at the same time not so funny.

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    She sounds nuts! Be careful!

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Carus's Avatar
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    Thanks for the reply. I can totally understand why you are taking the actions you are if that's how she is.

    Carus*

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Carus
    Sorry to hear that Seymore*

    But I'm also sorry for her too that she's still going through it on some level...A grave warning for dumpees for sure. Your post strengthens my resolve to stay NC and keep moving forward.

    I'm curious though, why you wouldn't meet her after this amount of time.

    Is it something in you? Is it you don't want to give her any false hope? All of the above...? etc

    Hope you're doing well.

    Carus*
    It's probably because he's mentally healthy now and doesn't want to waste his time and mental health on a dangerous abusive woman.

    I'd block and delete her too and also save everything in case I have to file a restraining order or file for harassment. Never engage with abusive people if you can.

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