AleSommacal Posted November 23, 2018 Share Posted November 23, 2018 So, I was on 3 dates with this girl. A couple of kisses, hugs. I think she's very attractive, and though until now I've done most of the work (asking for dates, calling, texting first), she has never refused to text, go out or to be physically close (once or twice she went for the kiss). I can see her interest level is high, even though she's acting somewhat distant and detached. She told me she needs time to familiarize with new people and reveal her true self. We went over the topic of "what are you looking for right now?" and both agreed we're looking for a long term relationship. I'm more of a hot-blooded type, but I tried to comply to her requests. So I pulled back a bit. Problem: this week I was away from home from Monday to Friday (she knew it). On Monday morning I texted her. Tuesday went by without any communication. Wednesday I decided to text her again. On Thursday nothing. Today (Friday) she contacts me saying "if you think you're the one that is to be chased, you're wrong. That is the first and last time", when I was eagerly waiting all week for a call or a text from her. Really didn't expect that anger coming out so early. Any thought on this reaction? Now, I told her I'm not going to be the chaser forever, relationships are made of 2 persons and my percentage for building our own relationship will be a 50%, nothing more nothing less. And I'm expecting her to contribute with her 50%. Her reaction was childish. She basically argued that black is white, saying "everyone is entitled to their own opinion, everyone thinks differently and in a relationship somebody has to love the most". I didn't like too her threating me to leave, if that happened again. I really don't feel respected and appreciated. Is this some kind of stupid test she's putting me to? Link to comment
boltnrun Posted November 23, 2018 Share Posted November 23, 2018 Yes, and you should refuse to take the test and stay away. Her saying that somebody has to "love the most" means she has an immature and selfish view of how a man should treat her while in a relationship. If she wants to be worshipped she can find someone else. If you choose to continue dating her after this blinding red flag, you are asking to be mistreated. PS: If this is the same woman you posted about in October, you already had fair warning of how she is. Now you know for sure. The question is, do you respect yourself enough to refuse to go back for more mistreatment? Link to comment
abitbroken Posted November 23, 2018 Share Posted November 23, 2018 I didn't like too her threating me to leave, if that happened again. Firstly, if someone goes on 3 dates with you and then doesn't go out with you again, they have not "left" you -- its just 3 dates. Secondly, you are reading tone into a text when there is probably NO anger. When you pulled back - does that mean you didn't go for sex/didn't try to move intimacy forward or do you mean you stopped contacting her to see if she would pursue? I think by some of your language you are too invested. Honestly, if i a guy i just started dating was gone for a week - over a holiday, to boot, I would not text him during that time. a boyfriend, yes, a new guy, no. Honestly, I would have called her when you got back and asked her out instead of "waiting for her to call while you were gone" like it was a test. There may be NO anger in what she said. I think the message was meant for someone else or she suspected that if you pulled back you were playing a game. Honestly, if a guy told me "i expect you to contribute exactly 50% - that's not the way things always go. The level of who initiates contact is always fluctuating from day to day and sometimes in the beginning = one person is the pursuer and it events out after a lot of dates. If she was responsive during all the dates -- she could be someone who simply is more comfortable with the guy initiating in the first phase. Even marriage is not 50-50 - its 100% and 100%. it sounds like you confronted her about not initiating enough and it has nothing to do with what happened while you were gone. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted November 23, 2018 Share Posted November 23, 2018 It sounds like you're both hot-blooded. You already know there's too much drama for three dates and some texting. Are you still interested in her? I'm more of a hot-blooded type Link to comment
abitbroken Posted November 23, 2018 Share Posted November 23, 2018 after only three dates - i don't want to be "confronted". If a guy doesn't like the way i reciprocate - then he doesn't and doesn't call me for the next date. So be it. You shouldn't be arguing - because you should not have confronted her -- if you text and she texts back --that should be good enough at this point. SOunds like the confrontation came before you left for the trip. She sounded like she was into you as far as initiating physical contact with you on dates and I think this situation is not salvageable now - and unfortunately you are pinning it on her for being childish when in fact - its not even something that should have been a thing. Link to comment
AleSommacal Posted November 23, 2018 Author Share Posted November 23, 2018 when you pulled back - does that mean you didn't go for sex/didn't try to move intimacy forward or do you mean you stopped contacting her to see if she would pursue? I stopped contacting as frequently as before. Btw, I have to admit the 50-50 rule is not the rule of law. I was trying to convey the message that the both of us should chase the other a bit. None of you commented on the fact that from Monday to Friday she NEVER reached out. Link to comment
AleSommacal Posted November 23, 2018 Author Share Posted November 23, 2018 Are you still interested in her? as long as she realizes she needs to get off from the pedestal and puts that proud behaviour away Link to comment
boltnrun Posted November 23, 2018 Share Posted November 23, 2018 as long as she realizes she needs to get off from the pedestal and puts that proud behaviour away So, as long as she "changes" she will be right for you. Sticking around hoping someone "changes", especially if they don't think they need to change, is asking for a ton of headaches and an eventual painful breakup. Link to comment
AleSommacal Posted November 23, 2018 Author Share Posted November 23, 2018 Sticking around hoping someone "changes", especially if they don't think they need to change, is asking for a ton of headaches and an eventual painful breakup. fair enough Link to comment
Awanderer Posted November 23, 2018 Share Posted November 23, 2018 You've only been on 3 dates? And you're both already trying to change each other? Walk away. Find someone you don't need to change or that you care enough about that you can tolerate the little things you dislike. Relationships that require each other to change never work. Find someone who's communication style meshes well with yours. Link to comment
yatsue Posted November 23, 2018 Share Posted November 23, 2018 Yes you should run. She was very confrontational. It was inappropriate how she responded to you after ignoring your attempts to contact her. She should have had a more mature response if she had legitimate concerns she wanted to bring up, instead of being childish. After this display, I wouldn't have even entertained a response. Be done with mama drama. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted November 24, 2018 Share Posted November 24, 2018 I stopped contacting as frequently as before. Btw, I have to admit the 50-50 rule is not the rule of law. I was trying to convey the message that the both of us should chase the other a bit. None of you commented on the fact that from Monday to Friday she NEVER reached out. If you like someone, you should contact them. Don't be clingy and contact them every five minutes, but if you are interested - ask them out/set up the next date. Don't play games where you stop communicating to see if they do. If the person is very interested ON the date, keep asking them out -- 3 dates is too short of time to "try to get them to chase you". If they acted disintersted on the date, i would say communicate less to see if they communicate more. But if they reciprocate and text you back when you text and agree to dates -- this "you should be pursuing me" is too much analysis and relationship talk. If you weren't in to her, then don't continue to ask her out. Whoever asked out first is doing the pursuing. its okay for that to happen for a little bit and then see how things go. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted November 24, 2018 Share Posted November 24, 2018 Yes you should run. She was very confrontational. It was inappropriate how she responded to you after ignoring your attempts to contact her. She should have had a more mature response if she had legitimate concerns she wanted to bring up, instead of being childish. After this display, I wouldn't have even entertained a response. Be done with mama drama. i agree -- unless he confronted her and chewing her out for not pursuing him before the vacation Link to comment
abitbroken Posted November 24, 2018 Share Posted November 24, 2018 Okay, then don't ask her out agian - but the next woman you meet - if you ask her out and pursue her for the first bit its okay. No lectures on reciprocation. Either you like her style and continue dating her or you don't and you stop. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted November 24, 2018 Share Posted November 24, 2018 I'm sensing high attraction on both sides and sexual tension so thick you could cut with a knife. Stop the over-analyzing and dilly dallying, take control, take her out again and play it out. JMO!!! Link to comment
milly007 Posted November 24, 2018 Share Posted November 24, 2018 She sounds entitled and expects you to initiate and chase. You're clearly not on the same page as her and would appreciate if she reached out and at least reciprocated your efforts. You two either have to compromise, or bow out. Just comes down to what you want to do. I'll admit that, as a woman, I like and prefer when the guy initiates and plans the first couple of dates. But after meeting him and knowing that I'm into him, I don't expect him to continue initiating and planning everything. You two were out three times, she knew that you were going away for a few days, you texted her on Monday and you didn't hear from her, other than an angry text that she sent you today? I dunno. Sounds entitled and high maintenance. The way I think of it is, if my brother told me he was dating someone like this, I'd tell him to run. Link to comment
Annia Posted November 24, 2018 Share Posted November 24, 2018 She sounds like an entitled brat. Link to comment
DanZee Posted November 24, 2018 Share Posted November 24, 2018 You're not compatible. She wants to be treated like a Disney princess. The fact that you're having a spat this early on is a bad sign. I think both of you have different ideas about dating. A girl does like to be pursued for a little while like Milly said. Apparently you couldn't tell her you missed her while you were away, and that's what she wanted. Keep in mind not to play texting games. If someone doesn't answer you, just assume your text didn't go through. I've been in dead zones where my texts have disappeared. Cell phone technology is terrible in some respects. But you've both expressed what you wanted, and what you want is not compatible with each other. Just move on. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted November 24, 2018 Share Posted November 24, 2018 Your date has revealed that she plays games and keep score. Do you want that? Link to comment
Jibralta Posted November 24, 2018 Share Posted November 24, 2018 I didn't sense anger from that text. It sounds like you are both hot-blooded. And you are both bean-counters: The two of you are keeping track!!! Personally, I think you're made for each other Link to comment
maew Posted November 24, 2018 Share Posted November 24, 2018 You don’t accept her or appreciate her for who she is and vice versa.... if this is how you feel after only 3 dates then it makes no sense to take it further. Link to comment
SherrySher Posted November 24, 2018 Share Posted November 24, 2018 I think you both just view things differently and are incompatible. She wants attention everyday in order to feel that you're interested and into her. You don't think it's a big deal. But neither of you are connecting on that point and it's making things bad. Being as it's this early on, you need to realize that she is going to want a lot more attention that you might think is necessary. She's also not going to reciprocate those attentions back. I would tell her you don't think it's going to work and let this go. At time goes on, it will only get worse between you two. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted November 24, 2018 Share Posted November 24, 2018 I didn't sense anger from that text. It sounds like you are both hot-blooded. And you are both bean-counters: The two of you are keeping track!!! Personally, I think you're made for each other J, you and I think alike (about this anyway) I'm sensing high attraction on both sides and sexual tension so thick you could cut with a knife. Stop the over-analyzing and dilly dallying, take control, take her out again and play it out. Link to comment
Jellybean9 Posted November 24, 2018 Share Posted November 24, 2018 Everyone is different. She is clearly some who requires constant attention during dating. Some guys also feel the need to shower some girls in this attention. Just means the two of you are not compatible. For her to point it out the way she has done so early on shows there will be more "arguments" to follow. Honestly run! Link to comment
SherrySher Posted November 24, 2018 Share Posted November 24, 2018 Seriously, you might be both hot blooded but it does not mean you will be good together. What it could definitely mean is a lot of fights and you and she wanting your own way. It could be screaming, yelling matches down the line. Don't mix up passion with dysfunctional. Link to comment
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