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Thread: already arguing - should I run away?

  1. #1
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    already arguing - should I run away?

    So, I was on 3 dates with this girl. A couple of kisses, hugs. I think she's very attractive, and though until now I've done most of the work (asking for dates, calling, texting first), she has never refused to text, go out or to be physically close (once or twice she went for the kiss). I can see her interest level is high, even though she's acting somewhat distant and detached. She told me she needs time to familiarize with new people and reveal her true self. We went over the topic of "what are you looking for right now?" and both agreed we're looking for a long term relationship.
    I'm more of a hot-blooded type, but I tried to comply to her requests. So I pulled back a bit.

    Problem: this week I was away from home from Monday to Friday (she knew it). On Monday morning I texted her. Tuesday went by without any communication. Wednesday I decided to text her again. On Thursday nothing. Today (Friday) she contacts me saying "if you think you're the one that is to be chased, you're wrong. That is the first and last time", when I was eagerly waiting all week for a call or a text from her. Really didn't expect that anger coming out so early. Any thought on this reaction?

    Now, I told her I'm not going to be the chaser forever, relationships are made of 2 persons and my percentage for building our own relationship will be a 50%, nothing more nothing less. And I'm expecting her to contribute with her 50%.
    Her reaction was childish. She basically argued that black is white, saying "everyone is entitled to their own opinion, everyone thinks differently and in a relationship somebody has to love the most".

    I didn't like too her threating me to leave, if that happened again.
    I really don't feel respected and appreciated.

    Is this some kind of stupid test she's putting me to?

  2. #2
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    Yes, and you should refuse to take the test and stay away.

    Her saying that somebody has to "love the most" means she has an immature and selfish view of how a man should treat her while in a relationship.

    If she wants to be worshipped she can find someone else.

    If you choose to continue dating her after this blinding red flag, you are asking to be mistreated.

    PS: If this is the same woman you posted about in October, you already had fair warning of how she is. Now you know for sure. The question is, do you respect yourself enough to refuse to go back for more mistreatment?

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    I didn't like too her threating me to leave, if that happened again.

    Firstly, if someone goes on 3 dates with you and then doesn't go out with you again, they have not "left" you -- its just 3 dates.
    Secondly, you are reading tone into a text when there is probably NO anger.
    When you pulled back - does that mean you didn't go for sex/didn't try to move intimacy forward or do you mean you stopped contacting her to see if she would pursue?

    I think by some of your language you are too invested.
    Honestly, if i a guy i just started dating was gone for a week - over a holiday, to boot, I would not text him during that time. a boyfriend, yes, a new guy, no. Honestly, I would have called her when you got back and asked her out instead of "waiting for her to call while you were gone" like it was a test.
    There may be NO anger in what she said. I think the message was meant for someone else or she suspected that if you pulled back you were playing a game.

    Honestly, if a guy told me "i expect you to contribute exactly 50% - that's not the way things always go. The level of who initiates contact is always fluctuating from day to day and sometimes in the beginning = one person is the pursuer and it events out after a lot of dates. If she was responsive during all the dates -- she could be someone who simply is more comfortable with the guy initiating in the first phase.
    Even marriage is not 50-50 - its 100% and 100%.

    it sounds like you confronted her about not initiating enough and it has nothing to do with what happened while you were gone.

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    It sounds like you're both hot-blooded. You already know there's too much drama for three dates and some texting. Are you still interested in her?
    Originally Posted by AleSommacal
    I'm more of a hot-blooded type

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    after only three dates - i don't want to be "confronted". If a guy doesn't like the way i reciprocate - then he doesn't and doesn't call me for the next date. So be it.
    You shouldn't be arguing - because you should not have confronted her -- if you text and she texts back --that should be good enough at this point. SOunds like the confrontation came before you left for the trip.
    She sounded like she was into you as far as initiating physical contact with you on dates and I think this situation is not salvageable now - and unfortunately you are pinning it on her for being childish when in fact - its not even something that should have been a thing.

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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    when you pulled back - does that mean you didn't go for sex/didn't try to move intimacy forward or do you mean you stopped contacting her to see if she would pursue?
    I stopped contacting as frequently as before.

    Btw, I have to admit the 50-50 rule is not the rule of law. I was trying to convey the message that the both of us should chase the other a bit.
    None of you commented on the fact that from Monday to Friday she NEVER reached out.

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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Are you still interested in her?
    as long as she realizes she needs to get off from the pedestal and puts that proud behaviour away

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    Originally Posted by AleSommacal
    as long as she realizes she needs to get off from the pedestal and puts that proud behaviour away
    So, as long as she "changes" she will be right for you.

    Sticking around hoping someone "changes", especially if they don't think they need to change, is asking for a ton of headaches and an eventual painful breakup.

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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Sticking around hoping someone "changes", especially if they don't think they need to change, is asking for a ton of headaches and an eventual painful breakup.
    fair enough

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    You've only been on 3 dates? And you're both already trying to change each other? Walk away. Find someone you don't need to change or that you care enough about that you can tolerate the little things you dislike. Relationships that require each other to change never work. Find someone who's communication style meshes well with yours.

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