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Thread: already arguing - should I run away?

  1. #81
    Silver Member
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    Oct 2017
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    Originally Posted by milly007

    I mean the things she’s said/texted...she sounds very entitled and spoiled, and not to mention demanding and inflexible. She practically told him he has to chase her.

    Would you respond positively to someone like this?
    No, frankly, I would not have liked to receive such a message from her. Especially given he had contacted her like 2 days before that. But I don't think confronting her would be the way to go either.

    I think I would brushed it off, said I've been busy, and asked her on another date. Then on the date I'd try to feel her a bit and if needed, discuss it with her in person, if she brings it up. I think by chasing, she means that she wants him to set the dates, not necessarily that he needs to initiate contact all the time, I think.

    Yes, she sounds entitled but this was also after he came up with the 50/50 rule which she doesn't seem to abide by. Even if you think the 50/50 rule should apply, you never tell someone that. You let them come to you when and if they want. If they don't, you just find someone else to date. I don't believe in rules for dating, people are different. But I believe in knowing what you need/want and leaving when you don't get that.

    Katrina, I think it's all about consistency. Maybe he was chasing her in the beginning (asking on dates and initiating contact) and suddenly stopped or reduced, which probably prompted her to send that inappropriate message. Which then led him to answer also in a negative way. So it's really hard to know now where this stands.

    In the end, it's all about how you're feeling. In my previous short term relationship, my date was bombarding me with messages and all being all lovey dovey but I still felt much more insecure with her than I feel now with this one who barely initiates. I think that's because we have been both very consistent from the beginning and none of us seemed to have played these games yet.

  2. #82
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    Originally Posted by Morello
    You seem to have the same two options as me. But I think you're already on the defensive and overthinking, and pretty much already defined a mindset that is unlikely to lead this to a healthy relationship. You either readjust your expectations or just leave her and find someone else.
    Thank you your response and for bringing your experience.
    We are facing a similar situation and it's comforting to hear someone else's opinion.
    I understand where you're coming from when you hope things will even out when she'll start having feelings for you.

    As of the above quote, yes, I'm on the defensive because it's something unknown to me; however, I'm slowly readjusting my expectations. We've set up a mid-week date for tonight.
    I guess I won't confront her anymore on that subject and just enjoy the moment.

  3. #83
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    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    Not to mention the fact that he's spent 12 days and 8 pages arguing his point. I'm not sure if he's the one who should be running away....
    12 days and 8 pages don't mean anything. Me and her have had one spat after that "it's the last time" text and one confrontation

  4. #84
    Platinum Member
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    Originally Posted by AleSommacal
    So, I was on 3 dates with this girl. A couple of kisses, hugs. I think she's very attractive, and though until now I've done most of the work (asking for dates, calling, texting first), she has never refused to text, go out or to be physically close (once or twice she went for the kiss). I can see her interest level is high, even though she's acting somewhat distant and detached. She told me she needs time to familiarize with new people and reveal her true self. We went over the topic of "what are you looking for right now?" and both agreed we're looking for a long term relationship.
    I'm more of a hot-blooded type, but I tried to comply to her requests. So I pulled back a bit.

    Problem: this week I was away from home from Monday to Friday (she knew it). On Monday morning I texted her. Tuesday went by without any communication. Wednesday I decided to text her again. On Thursday nothing. Today (Friday) she contacts me saying "if you think you're the one that is to be chased, you're wrong. That is the first and last time", when I was eagerly waiting all week for a call or a text from her. Really didn't expect that anger coming out so early. Any thought on this reaction?

    Now, I told her I'm not going to be the chaser forever, relationships are made of 2 persons and my percentage for building our own relationship will be a 50%, nothing more nothing less. And I'm expecting her to contribute with her 50%.
    Her reaction was childish. She basically argued that black is white, saying "everyone is entitled to their own opinion, everyone thinks differently and in a relationship somebody has to love the most".

    I didn't like too her threating me to leave, if that happened again.
    I really don't feel respected and appreciated.

    Is this some kind of stupid test she's putting me to?
    Yes you should run away.

    You might also want to look at the role you played in this, and look at the dynamics. Perhaps you can improve and/or work on hot-blooded. Only if you think that might be a problem. If you love and embrace your hot-blooded nature, carry on.

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