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Thread: already arguing - should I run away?

  1. #71
    Gold Member East4's Avatar
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    I really don't know where East4 gathered that info, but I think she's not Italian; and if she is, well, not many men would do that. Guarantee
    To answer the question, I get this info from my experience, i.e. from having dated Italian guys in Italy and another European country.

    OP, if your father (presumably an Italian) waited for your mother to contact him and take him out, then for sure you wouldn't have been born.
    I'd advise you use the holidays with your parents and take some advice from your father how to court women.

    Let me tell you that your insisting to be texted and chased makes you look like the woman in this dating situation, because you prefer to be passive, which is associated with typical women's behavior. I guess your frustration comes from the fact that the girl refuses to act like a MAN

  2. #72
    Gold Member East4's Avatar
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    I agree with what other poster before me is trying to tell you, notably that your "im not giving if im not receiving" is just laughable. You are getting good sex from a gorgeous woman, and you are not getting anything? Really? Only because she is not initiating texting?

    For me looking from outside, it is obvious that you have some substantial self-esteem issues, that make you crave chase and attention, more that what a real healthy man is more interested in-the real deal (you know what I mean).


    I checked your previous thread on the same girl, instead of asking her to a date, you were coming up with some wishy-washy hang-outs at the gym, lol! Who does that? Only guys with a very fragile egos, who fear rejection if they step on the fire line and straight out ask a girl on a date; instead these types of men-boys ask for a hang-out, so that they could save face if the girl turns them down. Insecurity and low-self esteem par excellence.

  3. #73
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    I think I like you east.

  4. #74
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    Originally Posted by East4
    Let me tell you that your insisting to be texted and chased makes you look like the woman in this dating situation, because you prefer to be passive, which is associated with typical women's behavior. I guess your frustration comes from the fact that the girl refuses to act like a MAN
    I sense a lot of frustration coming from your posts. Why though? You're going all in on a guy who's only asking to be treated as a date would normally do.

    1. Absolutely no need to put into the picture my mother and my father. I'd highly advise caution.

    2. I've not insisted on being chased nor being texted. I've been asking for something EVERYONE does. You like a guy? You have sex with him? Why not reach out some time to time? It's something EVERYONE appreciates. And don't even get me started on that BS of me "being passive". Read again the thread thoroughly.

    3. You're regarding sex as her reward for me. Wow! Such a up-to-date concept ;) Sex is about giving and receiving, just like texting.

    4. You're not entitled to judge me as a person.

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  6. #75
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    You kinda sorta proved her point about having a fragile ego...

  7. #76
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    You kinda sorta proved her point about having a fragile ego...
    Not to mention the fact that he's spent 12 days and 8 pages arguing his point. I'm not sure if he's the one who should be running away....

  8. #77
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    Originally Posted by AleSommacal

    I was trying to convey the message that the both of us should chase the other a bit.
    I agree with this, and ideally that's what would happen. It happened that way in my RL, after the first three or so dates in which my bf pursued me, we both began pursuing each other. In different ways, but point is we were both into developing our RL together.

    Not him putting forth all the effort, doing all the chasing, texting, etc, that hardly seems fair in this day and age.

    It's called an equal give and take and reciprocating, and yes men need that reassurance as much as women.

    I honestly don't care what nationality she is, from everything you have written about her OP, she sounds like a self-entitled princess, quite demanding and a bit of a drama queen.

    Instead of analyzing her actions/non-actions, I think it might we wise to explore why it is you're so drawn to her.

    If it's just the good sex, then own that and let that be what it is.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 12-04-2018 at 06:41 PM.

  9. #78
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    This is an interesting topic. Don't wanna hijack the topic but I'm going through something similar that might add to the discussion.

    I've always abided by the 'rule' of both parties in the dating process being responsible for initiating contact and showing interest. And I think this is perhaps the most normal scenario.

    However, I've been dating this woman for the last month, and except for one time, she has done 0 initiation. We went on 4 dates during this time. It was always me messaging her first, she would respond, I'd ask her on a date and when she's free, she'd give me options, I'd pick a time and place and she'd agree and sound happy with it. We have very little messaging in between dates, if any. The last date, we spent 4 days without any communication between setting the date and seeing each other at the date. She wouldn't initiate and I wouldn't either. When I arrived at the place, she even told me she was unsure if I'd show up lol.

    On the other hand, the dates have been great, they're actually becoming better each time. We slept together once and in the last date she seemed to be even more affectionate, present and caring. She's slightly beginning to hint at the possibility of this becoming more serious in the future.

    I'm actually enjoying my 'active' role to initiate, set the dates, choose the time and place. She always says yes and is pretty easy to please. She always sounds happy when I initiate and is clearly appreciating my efforts and the dates. She is slowly rewarding me by acting more couply, holding hands, etc.

    I have to say I've been a bit confused by her behaviour but I see no reason to change anything at this point. Yeah, I'm used to a bit of validation, those early "thinking of you" or "how was your day" texts. But this time I have to say I'm enjoying how this is going. I obviously think that if we get serious, we will need to step up communication a bit. But we'll cross that bridge if and when we get there.

    My usual mindset would make me believe she's just not interested for her lack of initiation. Maybe she is. Maybe she's not. Maybe it's just enough interest from her to go on dates but she's not feeling a true connection yet. To be honest, I don't care much. It's working well the way it is now, why change it? Why confront her and ask for her to initiate? Why sound bitter for not receiving any 'proofs' that she's into me by messaging? She's giving me all these proofs in person.

    I think I have two options: I either stay in this situation or leave it. Trying to confront her and change her to act in a way I expect, is obviously not gonna work.

    You seem to have the same two options as me. But I think you're already on the defensive and overthinking, and pretty much already defined a mindset that is unlikely to lead this to a healthy relationship. You either readjust your expectations or just leave her and find someone else.

    There's no right or wrong. She has a certain way to date and you have yours. Anything you say or do that leads her to think you're unhappy with it will be the beginning of the demise of this. When one start wanting to change the other, it only goes downhill from there.

  10. #79
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    Originally Posted by Morello
    This is an interesting topic. Don't wanna hijack the topic but I'm going through something similar that might add to the discussion.

    I've always abided by the 'rule' of both parties in the dating process being responsible for initiating contact and showing interest. And I think this is perhaps the most normal scenario.

    However, I've been dating this woman for the last month, and except for one time, she has done 0 initiation. We went on 4 dates during this time. It was always me messaging her first, she would respond, I'd ask her on a date and when she's free, she'd give me options, I'd pick a time and place and she'd agree and sound happy with it. We have very little messaging in between dates, if any. The last date, we spent 4 days without any communication between setting the date and seeing each other at the date. She wouldn't initiate and I wouldn't either. When I arrived at the place, she even told me she was unsure if I'd show up lol.

    On the other hand, the dates have been great, they're actually becoming better each time. We slept together once and in the last date she seemed to be even more affectionate, present and caring. She's slightly beginning to hint at the possibility of this becoming more serious in the future.

    I'm actually enjoying my 'active' role to initiate, set the dates, choose the time and place. She always says yes and is pretty easy to please. She always sounds happy when I initiate and is clearly appreciating my efforts and the dates. She is slowly rewarding me by acting more couply, holding hands, etc.

    I have to say I've been a bit confused by her behaviour but I see no reason to change anything at this point. Yeah, I'm used to a bit of validation, those early "thinking of you" or "how was your day" texts. But this time I have to say I'm enjoying how this is going. I obviously think that if we get serious, we will need to step up communication a bit. But we'll cross that bridge if and when we get there.

    My usual mindset would make me believe she's just not interested for her lack of initiation. Maybe she is. Maybe she's not. Maybe it's just enough interest from her to go on dates but she's not feeling a true connection yet. To be honest, I don't care much. It's working well the way it is now, why change it? Why confront her and ask for her to initiate? Why sound bitter for not receiving any 'proofs' that she's into me by messaging? She's giving me all these proofs in person.

    I think I have two options: I either stay in this situation or leave it. Trying to confront her and change her to act in a way I expect, is obviously not gonna work.

    You seem to have the same two options as me. But I think you're already on the defensive and overthinking, and pretty much already defined a mindset that is unlikely to lead this to a healthy relationship. You either readjust your expectations or just leave her and find someone else.

    There's no right or wrong. She has a certain way to date and you have yours. Anything you say or do that leads her to think you're unhappy with it will be the beginning of the demise of this. When one start wanting to change the other, it only goes downhill from there.
    Great that you could chime in Morello, and provide the OP with the perspective of someone whos going through a similar scenario.

    I have to say though, Im interested in knowing how youd respond to his perceived dates attitude?

    I mean the things shes said/texted...she sounds very entitled and spoiled, and not to mention demanding and inflexible. She practically told him he has to chase her.

    Would you respond positively to someone like this?
    Last edited by milly007; 12-04-2018 at 07:54 PM.

  11. #80
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    Good post Morello and actually that is how it was with my bf for the first three dates.

    I invited him to mine on the 4th, and from there we both contributed. He still did most of the texting and initiating dates but certainly not all. And I reciprocated in my own way.

    Morello perhaps the woman you're dating will eventually start reciprocating as well, if not that's okay too if the dynamic works for you (and her) you're right, why change what works?

    As long as she is responding positively to you and your pursuit, it all sounds good and positive.

    That's not really what's happening with the OP and this girl though is it? There seems to be a lot of tension, not sure if it's cause of the OP or her, or perhaps it's both -- their energies just don't jive causing conflict.

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