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Thread: already arguing - should I run away?

  1. #61
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    Changed mind.....
    Last edited by katrina1980; 12-02-2018 at 07:30 PM.

  2. #62
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    Originally Posted by East4
    A classical date with an Italian man who is interested in a woman goes approx like this: 1-2 weeks of daily texting initiated by him, invitation to restaurant dinner, table is booked in advance, he picks her up from her place, door opening, more compliments, flowers are optional, yet good to have; he pays the bill, they have a walk after dinner, kisses if she likes him, he drives her home without expectations to be invited inside.

    So, again if these two are Italians, OP is just being a jerk for not initiating texting. I guess he is a young man of the millenium generation who got the modern bug that women and men should split everything in dating 50-50;
    First thing first. True, in Italy chivarly is still present. However, door opening and flowers are so old-fashioned I'd be laughed at. For what concerns 1-2 weeks of me initiating I've already done that (read the opening post). I set up dates, I payed, I did return her home without expecting anything.

    We are both in our twenties, we are both students. The ONLY thing I've been asking throughout this thread is some kind of proof she's with me in this.

    It's been 4 dates. I'm constantly giving and not receiving anything in return, plus she's acting entitled and high-maintenance, threatening to stop comunication if I don't reach out? And you're talking about the decline of manliness? What about getting off your high horse and being a woman who would in any case receive all the attention she needs, all the care, all the love from me?

    Don't get me wrong. I might be influenced by US's dating standards, but inside I'm a real Italian

  3. #63
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Have you had sex yet? What is it you want in return for paying for a few dates and texting?
    Originally Posted by AleSommacal
    It's been 4 dates. I'm constantly giving and not receiving anything in return

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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Have you had sex yet? What is it you want in return for paying for a few dates and texting?
    I don't think you have read carefully the entire thread. Yes we had sex.

    I want her to make it clear she's interested by reaching out sometimes, that's all. I think it's something a guy would expect and something a girl is expected to do

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  6. #65
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Are you going out and having sex regularly? Are you having fun? She's not a texter and if that is a deal breaker you could stop asking her out/end it. Expectations and would, could, should will create misunderstanding and resentments of great magnitude. Like this in your mind.

    In this case you want her to initiate more texts. She does not and told you she's not a big texter. If she were the girl of your dreams, who texts who first would be irrelevant. Reflect on why she irritates you so much, yet you keep dating her.
    Originally Posted by AleSommacal
    I don't think you have read carefully the entire thread. Yes we had sex. I want her to make it clear she's interested by reaching out sometimes

  7. #66
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    AleSommacal, just curious, but is East4 correct in saying that itís typical/expected/the norm for the men in Italy to always be the initiator in a scenario like this?

    I mean, if this is the case, Iím a bit surprised because I canít see someone like you coming here to ENA to vent and question things so much if this is an expected or typical cultural norm in Italy, you know?

    If anything, I think youíve said her behaviour is a bit atypical.

    Regardless, you just have to decide if this is the type of relationship you want. Communication may change down the road if you decide to stick with it, maybe not. Only time will tell.

    Iím guessing you wonít see much change though, if at all.

    I understand where youíre coming from in that youíd like her to make more of an effort and reach out to you every now and then. I really do.

    Iím not saying I think that each person should be keeping tabs on the text messages and thinking, ďhey, I texted you last, so you have to text me nextĒ. All Iím saying is that I think itís unfair if one person is doing most, if not all, of the work.

    Didnít she say she wants or expects daily contact, too?

    A little initiating here and there goes a long way.

    I remember going out on a date with this really nice guy years ago. We discussed how most men always feel the need to be the initiators and pursuers, and I recall him saying, ďYou know, men want to feel needed, tooĒ. So yeah, I get it. To some, a text message or telephone call is more than just a text message or a telephone call.

    It may just be that you each have different communication styles and therefore arenít compatible.

  8. #67
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    Originally Posted by milly007
    AleSommacal, just curious, but is East4 correct in saying that itís typical/expected/the norm for the men in Italy to always be the initiator in a scenario like this?

    Didnít she say she wants or expects daily contact, too?
    Absolutely not. Before resorting to ENA I had discussed about this with both a female and a male friend of mine. Even for them it was something unheard of.

    Listen, I've dated several girls in the past year. Never have I met someone who just wouldn't initiate. Ever.
    It might be expected for a man to set up dates, compliment, court a woman. It might be his job to initiate MOST of the time in the early stages.

    And on to the second question... I guess so, because when I pulled back she sent me that pretentious text.

    I really don't know where East4 gathered that info, but I think she's not Italian; and if she is, well, not many men would do that. Guarantee

  9. #68
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    Originally Posted by AleSommacal
    Absolutely not. Before resorting to ENA I had discussed about this with both a female and a male friend of mine. Even for them it was something unheard of.

    Listen, I've dated several girls in the past year. Never have I met someone who just wouldn't initiate. Ever.
    It might be expected for a man to set up dates, compliment, court a woman. It might be his job to initiate MOST of the time in the early stages.

    And on to the second question... I guess so, because when I pulled back she sent me that pretentious text.

    I really don't know where East4 gathered that info, but I think she's not Italian; and if she is, well, not many men would do that. Guarantee
    Do you know what youíre going to do at this stage?

    Iíd be interested in knowing how this all pans out.

  10. #69
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    Originally Posted by milly007
    Do you know what youíre going to do at this stage?
    yeah, I made up my mind.

    I'll be the one initating, but I'll keep communication to a minumum. I'll set up the dates and all, and see if she gets more and more interested.

    If not, start looking for someone else while keeping her in the backburner.

    If yes, keep on initiating till she falls in love. Then hopefully things will even out.

  11. #70
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    Originally Posted by AleSommacal
    yeah, I made up my mind.

    I'll be the one initating, but I'll keep communication to a minumum. I'll set up the dates and all, and see if she gets more and more interested.

    If not, start looking for someone else while keeping her in the backburner.

    If yes, keep on initiating till she falls in love. Then hopefully things will even out.
    Do you really want to be with someone who you had to keep pushing with texts until they "fall in love with you"

    The backburner is where she belongs. As she is obviously not interested until it suits her!

    I hope when you start looking you find someone better. You find someone who initaites. Who plans dates. Guess what of the connection is there you'll have amazing sex. I guarantee it.

    Start looking now I would say!

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