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Thread: already arguing - should I run away?

  1. #31
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    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    I still think you guys are a match made in heaven.
    I really don't know about this. It could be just physical attraction

  2. #32
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    I'm not sure what she wants. There's a little game playing going on. She wants you to do all the reaching out. I would think after three/four dates where there is obvious mutual attraction, she could reach out to you first some of the time, but she's waiting on you to do it, 100% of the time, and I think that's a little backwards given she seems to have a high need for daily texting. Despite you saying you really like her, and you know her desires, you're intentionally avoiding texting her to see if she'll do it first...games. Don't get me wrong, I understand your wanting her to exhibit a little chase, exhibit she's really into you, by texting you and initiating with you a little, but intentionally pulling back like this knowing full well it will bother her is not a good route. When you're away on a trip was probably not the best time to "test" her communication either. I wouldn't want to text someone I barely know when they're on vacation. You also demonstrated how easily you'll disappear when there are other things to do. Not a good message. Granted, you reached out while away, and I'm glad you did, and I can't say I would have expected more when my new date were away for a week for business or vacation, and would be thrilled to hear from him.

    Her initial text was rather mean and I think a bit blown out of proportion, and who knows if conflict will become more intense in time, more screaming, etc., especially when you're both playing these games and keeping score.

    So my thoughts are a little all over the place. Texting styles seems to be a huge source of contention with relationships. :) My sister, new on the market was asking me about it...there are no answers. I do think both of you are doing this push-pull situation, and I don't know if you're compatible. I don't know if this girl is entitled, or she needs a guy to pursue the most and you're too busy being stubborn. Hard to say. There's a lot of anxiety, though, so I guess you can see where it goes. Don't let it go too long if there's this much conflict.

  3. #33
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    Originally Posted by purplepaisley
    intentionally pulling back like this knowing full well it will bother her is not a good route.
    do you suggest me reaching out again in a calm, aloof way?

    I mean, if I were to base our rapport on the 4 dates (and only on them), I would say the thing is going really well.

  4. #34
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    Originally Posted by AleSommacal
    do you suggest me to reach out again in a calm, aloof way?

    I mean, if I were to base our rapport on the 4 dates (and only on them), I would say the thing is going really well.
    Don't play aloof. If you're aloof about this relationship, it's probably not worth pursuing. Maybe you don't want to contact her while she's busy on her weekend, but it wouldn't hurt to shoot her a text and ask how her weekend went (is going) and you can't wait to hear about it or you missed her or something to that effect. If her reaction is to bite your head off for not contacting her on Saturday, then you need to think about if this relationship is worth it. You've already discussed not "keeping score" and expecting a little more from her, but the reality is, men are the chasers and women sometimes need that to know you're genuinely interested. Hopefully as time goes on, things will even out, but for now, to play this game with her and being aloof is not going to earn you any brownie points. If she's highly dramatic and expects you to do all the work, all the time, again, decide if this is what you want. I don't like feeling like I'm the only one putting out any effort, so I can certainly understand if you feel this way, so decide what direction you want to go.

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  6. #35
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    Iím guessing she either isnít as interested as you thought she was, or sheís playing hard to get and enjoys you chasing her.

    Iíd bet more so on the latter though, considering your original post, OP.

    Your original post states that she sent you a text essentially saying that she isnít going to chase you, therefore implying she wouldnít be texting you first.

    She wants you to reach out first - to chase her.

    You have to determine whether this is something you can live with.

  7. #36
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    Check out Lex's 40 page thread about a very similar issue.

    You need to decide if the great sex is worth putting yourself through this anxiety or annoyance.

  8. #37
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You seem too smart to have to use tricks, games, and pickup artist nonsense just to get laid. Certainly you could find women without playing all these games, no?
    Originally Posted by AleSommacal
    me reaching out again in a calm, aloof way?

  9. #38
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Check out Lex's 40 page thread about a very similar issue.

    You need to decide if the great sex is worth putting yourself through this anxiety or annoyance.
    Agree.

    OP it's sort of a trade off. You said the sex was HOT and that was because, at least in part, there is sooooo much tension between you two.

    The tension adds to the hotness, the more tension, the more anxiety, the hotter the sex.

    The thread mentioned above created by Lex, she is feeling an almost unbelievable amount of anxiety and tension, yet she stays.

    My guess is because she's addicted to the sex, she may not admit but sex is very powerful and can really hook you in, especially when it's hot. Speaking from experience.

    So decide.

    Is all this tension and anxiety worth the hot sex?

    By the way, men have said "psycho" girls make the hottest lovers, it's the same premise.

    Tension and anxiety = super hot exciting sex!
    Last edited by katrina1980; 12-01-2018 at 01:06 PM.

  10. #39
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    ^^Case in point.

    With my long term ex (together six years, engaged), there was always a bit of distance in our relationship which I was cool with for the most part (I need my space too) but I was often on edge and felt anxious.

    Because of this dynamic, the sex was always exciting, extremely passionate and hot, even after six years!

    The sex was the glue that kept us together, from beginning to end. In retrospect it was not a stable relationship, although because of my past, it seemed "normal" to me.

    With my current bf, I feel emotionally safe and rarely experience tension and anxiety.

    Our sex is really good, but tbh not as hot and exciting as with my ex.

    That's why I think it's a sort of trade off.

  11. #40
    Silver Member Jellybean9's Avatar
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    So so true guys. Hot sex is not really worth all the anxiety.

    I've been in a very happy and stable relationship where we had the most amazing sex life. Guess what... Never experienced anything ounce of anxiety.

    So you can still get hot sex in your life without all the drama.

    The drama is not worth it all!

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