Bf Took Vaca with ex Girlfriend

We have been dating long distance for a decade..He from UK..I from US.

He would fly in 3 times a year and stay for several weeks at a time. He decided to get his Visa and become a citizen of US and the process has recently passed.

I have not seen him in over a year and a half. We spoke daily but time apart caused stress and arguments. I started questioning if I even wanted to be with him because of msny things..One of those things being that he started talking to ex's and even sent provacative photos of women he said sent them to him wanting to date.

Then he began mentioning one person in particular..Long story short...he took a 3 week vacation with this woman. I found out thru his father in the midst of the vacation so he had to admit he was with her.

He said that tho she was an ex from long ago..that he was not in love but that he wanted to take this one in a lifetime trip with her tho she thought there was more to the relationship. He claims they had adjoining suites and they never had sex or touched each other. He said the only contact was her head on his shoulder inbetween travel destinations on the plane.

Hes still with her now but coming to my location soon.. ironically this woman lives only 15 miles from me. Hes told me that his excuse for not being affectionate with her is because hes getting over a long relationship and not ready to jump in.

Now he wants to meet me and is willing to take a polygrapgh test proving nothing went on between them even tho he admits he finds her very attractive. Claims he loves me and had we not been fighting this situation would never have occurred.

Hes been nasty and has called me every name under the sun prior to this trip and while he traveled. Hes not sent me one photo of any place he went to or shown me this persons photo. Meanwhile, this person apparently knows all about me.

He want to meet in a few days and prove I am the one for him and then show me photos of his travels.

Claims he wants to marry me. Im so confused and feel betrayed. What hes done has drained me emotionally.

Advice welcome. Thank you.

Title:

Boyfreind took Vaca with another woman

Message:

We have been dating long distance for a decade..He from UK..I from US.

He would fly in 3 times a year and stay for several weeks at a time. He decided to get his Visa and become a citizen of US and the process has recently passed.

I have not seen him in over a year and a half. We spoke daily but time apart caused stress and arguments. I started questioning if I even wanted to be with him because of msny things..One of those things being that he started talking to ex's and even sent provacative photos of women he said sent them to him wanting to date.

Then he began mentioning one person in particular..Long story short...he took a 3 week vacation with this woman. I found out thru his father in the midst of the vacation so he had to admit he was with her.

He said that tho she was an ex from long ago..that he was not in love but that he wanted to take this one in a lifetime trip with her tho she thought there was more to the relationship. He claims they had adjoining suites and they never had sex or touched each other. He said the only contact was her head on his shoulder inbetween travel destinations on the plane.

Hes still with her now but coming to my location soon.. ironically this woman lives only 15 miles from me. Hes told me that his excuse for not being affectionate with her is because hes getting over a long relationship and not ready to jump in.

Now he wants to meet me and is willing to take a polygrapgh test proving nothing went on between them even tho he admits he finds her very attractive. Claims he loves me and had we not been fighting this situation would never have occurred.

Hes been nasty and has called me every name under the sun prior to this trip and while he traveled. Hes not sent me one photo of any place he went to or shown me this persons photo. Meanwhile, this person apparently knows all about me.

He want to meet in a few days and prove I am the one for him and then show me photos of his travels.

Claims he wants to marry me. Im so confused and feel betrayed. What hes done has drained me emotionally.

Advice welcome. Thank you.

Unfortunately it sounds like he is in a relationship with this woman and other women but is using you for visa purposes...and you know it.

He decided to get his Visa and become a citizen of US and the process has recently passed. Claims he wants to marry me.

I'm sorry, I'm very confused by this:

"Hes told me that his excuse for not being affectionate with her is because hes getting over a long relationship and not ready to jump in"

Shouldn't his reasons be because he's in a committed relationship? Or do you have an open relationship or were broken up?

Btw why are you losing time with this non relationship? You've already lost 10 years. Long term relationships are not sustainable for so long without concrete plans to end the distance short to medium term. And he's only making an effort now because he was caught. He's probably after the visa or likes juggling several women. He doesn't respect the relationship or he wouldn't be sending you pics of women or travelling with an ex he says he's attracted to and lying instead of travelling and being with you. It's very possible that during the year you never seen him that he was with other women.

Yuck. He can go on a 3-week vacation with an ex that lives 15 minutes from you but can't see you in over a year and a half and you guys are supposedly in a relationship??

Next!

Oh, and don't even give me that BS that "this wouldn't have occurred if you guys weren't fighting."

Get rid of this guy.

I'm not used to using miles as a metric system so now knowing that the ex was so close to you and he chose to go on holidays with her for a year but never cared to be with you in person for a year... What are you doing with him? He doesn't care.

Your post doesn't make sense, OP.

You say you've been dating him for 10 years. Now he's a citizen of your country, lives there, and has not seen you for 18 months. He goes on holiday but says he wasn't affectionate with her because he's getting over a long relationship - er....is he not already in a relationship with you?

I don't get it. Is he not actually your boyfriend,or...?

Your post doesn't make sense, OP.

 

You say you've been dating him for 10 years. Now he's a citizen of your country, lives there, and has not seen you for 18 months. He goes on holiday but says he wasn't affectionate with her because he's getting over a long relationship - er....is he not already in a relationship with you?

 

I don't get it. Is he not actually your boyfriend,or...?

Same, I'm super confused. Unless it's an "on/off relationship". Or she used the term "relationship" in general to refer to the time she's met him? Very confusing, yes.

He took someone else on a 'one in a lifetime trip'. I don't see why there is any confusion here. If you stick around, you have yourself to blame.

I am also confused as too how he can be getting over a long relationship when he has been with you for a decade.

Regardless, I would tell him to hit the road. He sounds like a huge waste of time.

By the way, psychopaths and sociopaths easily pass lie detector tests because they feel no anxiety about lying.

What a complete waste of your life! You need to wake up!

He is with you for a visa, and that's is it! He is involved with other women. Where is your self respect? He does not care about or respect you!

I hope you do not also give him money?

So many questions.

Why was he nasty, calling you every name under the sun before his trip? What prompted him to lash out at you in that way?

Not that there is any justification for it, but there appears to be info missing.

And why would you wish to have any further communication let alone a RL with him or any man who treated you that way?

I'm sorry, I'm very confused by this:

 

"Hes told me that his excuse for not being affectionate with her is because hes getting over a long relationship and not ready to jump in"

 

Shouldn't his reasons be because he's in a committed relationship?

Good question and exactly!

Or even if he didn't want to use the word "commitment" he has a girlfriend!

Something's not jiving.

You only see him 3 times a year for 10 YEARS? Come on! You're not in a real relationship with this guy, SHE is, and you are his side thing. Why did he tell her no affection because he's getting over a long term relationship? Why not tell her no affection because he's in a relationship with YOU? I don't believe for a second that he's not having sex with her. You are the girl on the side, not her. Open your eyes and dump this guy so you can find a real relationship.

Agree something is not jiving, but living thousands of miles away from each other in different countries, visiting three times a year for weeks at a time seems standard.

Not sure if I could handle that for that long, something's gotta give eventually.

I do agree he's got something going on with this "ex" other than being 'friends' or whatever BS he's telling OP.

She only lives 15 minutes from you?? Was he hanging out at her house while you were just a few minutes down the road? How sad? Why couldn’t she help him with the visa? I’m so sad for you! Get rid of this guy!

And how can he be your boyfriend if you haven’t seen him in a year and a half?!?!?! Sorry for the multiple exclamations!

Meanwhile, this person apparently knows all about me.

I think it’s interesting that they always say “she knows all about you.” The same thing was said to me once. I wanted to say, “really, does she? Cause I knew nothing about her! And I guarantee if she knew about me she wouldn’t be with you!”

Also no one has adjoining suites with someone they went on vacation with. He should be ashamed of himself.

How did he get citizenship by the way?

Also no one has adjoining suites with someone they went on vacation with. He should be ashamed of himself.

 

How did he get citizenship by the way?

He told me he got his visa with this womans help.

Shes an airline stewardess and supposedly set up suites on their Australia..new Zealand trip

He told me he recently got the vusa thru this woman

He was nasty to me when I started questioning if he was cheating.

Im in deep shock that he did this to me..Ive only discovered this woman a month ago.

Sorry for being unclear...

He told this woman that the reason he was not affectionate to her was because of just ending a relationship with me.

I said to him...I did not realize our relationship ended.

He said it hasnt. Im just using her for this once in a lifetime vacation and she also helped me get my visa.

Sorry for being unclear...

 

He told this woman that the reason he was not affectionate to her was because of just ending a relationship with me.

 

I said to him...I did not realize our relationship ended.

 

He said it hasnt. Im just using her for this once in a lifetime vacation and she also helped me get my visa.

So he's not only a cheater but openly admits to using people for his own personal gain AND to lying to get what he wants.

Sounds like a real quality guy

He swears up and down they has separate suites and that there was no sex. His excuse being that he was still heartbroken over leaving me after 10 years. But he never told me he left me. I just caught him on this trip by accident. His father told me.