Deployment Breakup?

Hey Everyone, and Happy thanksgiving!

I’m writing this holding back tears because I’m not sure what to think.

We’ve been together for a few months, and both in our early twenties. He texted me today telling me he might be deployed next year but he’s not sure. We talked about it for a little bit, and then I asked him if we would stay together.

He then responded with “that’s a hard question.” I then said “oh well I would stay with you if that was the case, maybe we can talk about it in person.” He responded agreeing, I said I missed him and he has not responded back yet.

He has not at all changed the way he’s acted toward me, he’s been still very sweet, very kind and respectful. Things have been the same. However the rest of this night I’ve been holding back tears and trying to figure out what to do.

For all I know he could be worried about something completely different but I can’t help but feel like we’re gonna break up. He hasn’t acted any different but part of me doesn’t want to find out. I don’t want to get hurt again.

I keep rereading “that’s a hard question” he said we would talk and person and he doesn’t back out on promises, but scared of my heart being broken again. I am honestly ready to block him on everything, and just disappear and start healing on my own. I don’t want to keep hope and move forward and have my heart broken more.

My question is, what should I do? We care about each other and I know that he wouldn’t treat me like garbage or do something bad to me but I’m sick of feeling heartbreak and hurt.

Well, you mentioned something about being hurt again. Did he break up with you before? Also, what is the background of the relationship? Are you from his hometown, are you living where he's based, or is this an Internet relationship?

Just in general, I would say that if he's deployed, breaking up is something you both should consider. Long-distance relationships are very difficult to maintain, and since you've only been together for four months, your feelings aren't deeply rooted yet. It might be best if you did break up at that point.

I would just say to consider it. I don't know how much he is invested in the relationship. Did you know him from before he enlisted? A lot of guys just like having someone they can look forward to seeing when they're in the military.

I'm sorry you are here, OP.

Unfortunately, I do think you need to prepare yourself for the possibility of a breakup. He knows that deployment is hard and your relationship is young. It would be tough to withstand under any circumstances, but especially in the earlier stages together.

I would not advise that you just block him and disappear without event talking to him, though. Speak to him and hear him out. When will you see him?

Unfortunately, it sounds like he's trying to let you down easy but is planning his exit. He may keep you around in a fwb style situation but he is being crystal clear that he doesn't see a future with you.

He texted me today telling me he might be deployed next year but he’s not sure.

 

I asked him if we would stay together. He then responded with “that’s a hard question.” I said I missed him and he has not responded back yet.

Honestly, it sounds like he is getting you ready for the fact that you are going to break up.

From your other thread posted 4 days ago:

"I've come to this fourm because I have been getting many mixed signals from my boyfriend, and I am not sure what actions to take, or if I am just simply overreacting. The first thing that has changed is how often we communicate. For example, at first we texted most of the day, proabably every 30 minutes to an hour. Now, he texts me maybe twice a day, if even that. The content of the messages has not changed, he is still very caring, kind and sweet. However I cannot help but feel suspicious of this big change in how often we talk. "

This very new relationship is already on shaky ground. I would not expect him to want to continue while deployed.

I would wish him the very best of everything, but explain that you feel it would be better to move on now rather than take the "wait and see" approach.