Once a cheater always a cheater???

So iv been dating this woman for about 3 months and i absolutey adore her and i think she feels the same. Which is really nice! However last year she cheleated on her last partner 3 times due to being ignored and feeling unwanted by her ex. She told me everything shed done in confidence so i dont no if shed do that to me and In my mind if someone makes you feel like that you leave them instead of doing something like that. By the way her ex never knew about her cheating. I personally don’t understand the thought process behind cheating as i never have or ever will cheat. I genuinely feel at the moment everything is great but i cant help but have that niggling thought she could do it to me down the line. Shes very attractive and she does get attention from other guys, she really is a genuinely lovely person so i cant see that side of her but i cant help but wonder.

Do you guys think people can be driven to cheat or thats hust part of skneones personality? Thanks in advance 😁

However last year she cheleated on her last partner 3 times due to being ignored and feeling unwanted by her ex.

I see a red flag. She is blaming her action based on her ex? That’s a typical cheater for you. Cheating is never justifiable. If you feel the relationship is lacking, you either address it or break up. You don’t go off with another person while in a relationship.

What she did was selfish and she takes no accountability for her actions. This is who she is. Think about any conflict you come across on the future. If she isn’t sorry for what she did and blames another person for it, then she’ll pull the same stunt on you.

Not a great catch, OP. Next.

Does she express any remorse for her bad choices? Did she feel as though she learned from that experience, about how she can be a better person in the future?

This wasn't so long ago, and she did it more than once. I would proceed with caution if I were you.

Honestly we careful.

You seem like a genuine guy who doesn't believe in cheating.

If you was feeling ignored or unwanted you would mention it or walk away from the relationship. That is no a valid exuse to cheat. Well there is no valid excuse to ever cheat.

She isn't taking responsibility for her actions at least. And she seems so "proud" to discuss it opening with her new partner. Major red flag.

People can change. Hope for your sake she has.

Please just be cautious!

She cheated THREE TIMES? So this wasn't a one time screw up, but a repeated behavior, and now she's blaming the ex for how she handled it, instead of owning it. It was not her exes job, or your job, to give her self confidence. That comes from within, and it doesn't sound like she's worked on that herself since. Nope. You should walk away now. If she did it to him THREE TIMES, she'll do it to you too. Save yourself some major heartache and find someone who believes the same as you, that cheating is wrong.

She won't cheat as long as she's happy and in love but the minute you screw up you'll have to sleep with one eye open. If you want to stay with her just know it could happen again. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. That's a rough situation because you think "I'll be different, she'll NEVER do that to me." Until she does.

If you want to look at it from another angle since you like her so much then try to see if it'll work and enjoy each others company for now and give her the benefit of the doubt. Maaaybe she won't cheat again. Just don't get too comfortable thinking she won't cheat again. Just enjoy it while it lasts. Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

Like force said, as soon as you get into a fight with her, or she feels you're ignoring her, she'll go off and find someone to have sex with. These girls justify it by saying to themselves that the relationship is broken up, she goes and finds someone else, and then when she gets back together, she feels no guilt or remorse about cheating. 20 years from now, she'll probably be the same type of girl.

I guess your answer would be don't give her a reason to cheat on you.

Once might be forgivable, but 3 times makes her serial cheater. One thing all serial cheaters have in common are narcissistic tendencies, which makes it hard to see exactly who they really are. They are very good at presenting a fake persona and acting like a victim when they are the abusers. It's highly likely her ex husbands issues was a direct result of the way she treated him.

I lived with an abusive serial cheater for 20 years, you don't want to go there!! She told her current husband (affair partner) the same about me as you were told..... Complete lies to justify her behaviour.

Only a few months ago It was discovered that at the start of their "exclusive" affair, when they were cheating on me, she was also cheating on him with another married man. Now the poor guy is married to her and has twins at age 40.

Run!!!!!

No one is driven to cheat. She made a deliberate choice to cheat. She could have easily ended things. Once is terrible, three times is unforgivable.

For me, it would be a character issue and I can understand your concerns. Big, red flag time.

Lastly, I cannot understand why she would tell you this. She should be ashamed of her behavior, I think that it is who she is. Don't be surprised if she does it to you.

A cheater is nothing more than someone who is not loyal and cannot be trusted, people like that have no principle nore they have value and you can't change them since their loyalty goes to themselves only.

You should break up imho even if you have only friends that you know are cheating keep your distance from them cause be assure that when they have the slightest interest, they will not hesitate for one second to stab you in the back.

Remember, Judas betrays God's trust for a few coins, stay away from those people.

Good luck.

The biggest red flag is not the cheating itself, is the fact that she doesn't take responsibility for it.

 

I guess your answer would be don't give her a reason to cheat on you.

Or date someone with better character and values lol

She is likely telling you this in the spirit of openess and honesty, which is great for the start of a relationship, but it is showing her morals. She might be thinking that she is trying to step away from that previous behaviour, but similar to what the others have said, should there be a level of stress or unhappiness, she might still look for what seems like her relief, to get under someone else. Like someone who eats when they are unhappy, she has sex. This is a habitual thing and will take some moving on from.

This, however, leaves you in a sticky situation, walking on egg-shells and always trying to make the relationship happy so she is not pushed to seek happiness elsewhere.

I applaud her for being open, and perhaps she really wants to change her behaviour and not push to get with someone else if something goes wrong in your relationship, but that doesn't mean she won't fall off the wagon. If I was her, I wouldn't have said anything and just not done it again.

Are you dating exclusively? This sounds like a high maintenance headache you don't need. This attention hog and drama queen has already warned you that if she is not constantly in the spotlight, she'll just hop into bed with anyone and what an excellent liar and cheater she is.. Have great sex with her, but look for a real relationship with decent women somewhere else. Keep this one at arms length. She sounds exhausting.

she cheleated on her last partner 3 times due to being ignored and feeling unwanted by her ex. her ex never knew about her cheating.

Are you dating exclusively? This sounds like a high maintenance headache you don't need. This attention hog and drama queen has already warned you that if she is not constantly in the spotlight, she'll just hop into bed with anyone and what an excellent liar and cheater she is.. Have great sex with her, but look for a real relationship with decent women somewhere else. Keep this one at arms length. She sounds exhausting.

I agree with this except I don't think it's wise to have sex with her. I'd get tested if you already have. She's told you she sleeps with god knows who as soon as a guy turns his back for a second. And she won't inform you of when she does this.

A man who sticks to his values and wouldn't cheat is in high demand amongst women who are the same. Don't settle for scraps, and don't overlook character simply because she's hot.

She is blaming her action based on her ex? That’s a typical cheater for you. Cheating is never justifiable.

That's the real red flag: someone who blames another person for their own misdeeds, and then tries to get other people to buy the excuse as well!!! She tested you out, Danking, and she found another sucker. I definitely think she will do it to you and keep it from you. Then she'll tell the next poor fool how she cheated on you, that it was your fault, and that you never found out. Rinse and repeat.

Wow, I can’t believe some of the advice I am reading here.

She isn't taking responsibility for her actions at least. And she seems so "proud" to discuss it opening with her new partner. Major red flag.

 

People can change.

What a contraction! She has no sense of accountability, is “proud” of her fault, but hey she can change!

LOL compare this advice to her track record of cheating. What she’s doing is laying it on the OP that it’s his responsibility to make her happy in a relationship when that’s not his job. You either accept someone the way they are or you find someone else.

And yes people do change throughout a relationship/marriage. And sometimes it’s not always for the better.

She won't cheat as long as she's happy and in love but the minute you screw up you'll have to sleep with one eye open. If you want to stay with her just know it could happen again.

Are you kidding? Since when is it EVER his job to keep her or any woman in a relationship happy? It’s arbitrary to measure happiness. Why should the OP put in all his effort in someone who has fickleness with relationships in the first place?

I guess your answer would be don't give her a reason to cheat on you.

Being unhappy in a relationship is not the only reason why people cheat. Again, it’s not the OP’s job to be the sole provider of an SO’s happiness. They have to find it within themselves. A relationship is a commitment and if she isn’t into it, then she should not be in a relationship at all.

Lastly, I cannot understand why she would tell you this.

She’s either stupid, proud, or thinks the OP’s an idiot because she wants to appear “trustworthy.” But what he’s overlooking is the fact she takes zero accountability - blames it on her ex to make it LOOK like she isn’t the bad guy.

I want to add that it's common for cheaters to confess they cheated in the past contrary to common belief.

I think some of the reasons are one or more of these:

- testing and gauging what they can get away with in the future

- pretending they're honest so that they have then the cop out of "at least I was honest and told you how it is before hand". This makes the cheated person think it's on them.

- pretending that they're honest so that the other person doesn't suspect of anything when it's their turn of being cheated on

- in this case it seems to that it's also to warn the other person how it's going to be if they don't fulfil all their needs and desires.

I want to add that it's common for cheaters to confess they cheated in the past contrary to common belief.

 

I think some of the reasons are one or more of these:

 

- testing and gauging what they can get away with in the future

 

- pretending they're honest so that they have then the cop out of "at least I was honest and told you how it is before hand". This makes the cheated person think it's on them.

 

- pretending that they're honest so that the other person doesn't suspect of anything when it's their turn of being cheated on

 

- in this case it seems to that it's also to warn the other person how it's going to be if they don't fulfil all their needs and desires.

You're exactly right.

I dated this guy who ended up lying, cheating and hiding things from me. I left him and dated someone else. For five years he pursued me, telling me he'd made an awful mistake and that he hadn't realized what he had before. He said he loved me and would I please give him another chance? When things ended with the guy I'd dated after him I decided to go ahead and give him the second chance he'd been begging for.

What did he do within two months after we'd reconciled? Lied, cheated and hid things from me! His explanation? "You knew what I was like and you chose to come back anyway. I figured you must like being treated like that."

Well...it was hard to argue with that.

Like Maya Angelou said...when someone shows you who they are, believe them.

I want to add that it's common for cheaters to confess they cheated in the past contrary to common belief.

 

I think some of the reasons are one or more of these:

 

- testing and gauging what they can get away with in the future

 

- pretending they're honest so that they have then the cop out of "at least I was honest and told you how it is before hand". This makes the cheated person think it's on them.

 

- pretending that they're honest so that the other person doesn't suspect of anything when it's their turn of being cheated on

 

- in this case it seems to that it's also to warn the other person how it's going to be if they don't fulfil all their needs and desires.

Yes! It's a very common pattern for a certain type of person. They are devoid of any conscience, but they know how to blend in and look like they have a conscience. This board is littered with people who succumb to people like this. They don't understand that they are dealing with a person that is NOT LIKE THEM and who will NEVER BE LIKE THEM.