She is confusing me. Please HELP.

This might be a bit long. We have been very very good friends for like almost 3 years. I'm 17, she's a year junior to me. We met in our school bus. I was a bit shy when I first met her in 2016 but not now much. We meet 2-4 times a week. When we first started talking she once indirectly confessed about her love for me but I avoided that. However now I find us being very good friends. Sometimes we both call ourselves bestfriends. Ik she loves me tho.

Lemme tell you a bit about her. She was in my school. She had a bit of a slu*ty type reputation in school. She has only dated once very long back in 2015. But I know her very well, she's a very good person and trustworthy.

However there are some things which bugs me very often. For example, even tho she talks to me all the time, she also has some other male friends which are close but they stick about a month I guess.

Like in September she used to talk to a guy who lives close to us, they haven't ever seen each other but he called her to meet after 2-3 weeks of talking. I was a bit insecure, we had a big fight how but its cool now. She asked me if I should go or not, I said don't go due to his repu. She told me she'd consider my opinion but she met him. Now she doesn't meet him anymore after this.

And in October there was another guy she was talking to, nowadays he is avoiding her.

And this month, there's this another new guy.

She cancels any plans if she wants to meet me. But I don't trust her sometimes maybe because of my insecurities. I wanted to know if she'd be loyal to me if we ever dated.

She is close to many guys which is ideally uncommon for a girl who loves someone else. Is it something like she's trying other boys just incase she finds someone better or if not, then just stick w me. And she also entertains strangers(Mutual friends) on Instagram DMs. She also craves for popularity sometimes.

Please Help. I need to sort this out ASAP.

Any advice is highy appreciated.

No one can tell you what's in another person's mind or heart. You have to take a risk and learn that for yourself.

It's apparent that you're letting what other people say about this girl affect your judgment. People say things that aren't true all the time, just because they are jealous or mean-spirited. Don't let other people think for you. Think for yourself.

Her behavior is pretty normal for 16. You're all starting to become adults. You're all exploring what's out there and you're going to make mistakes. Play it by ear and don't make dumb decisions.

It sounds like you want her to behave a certain way. But you don't know what you want. Why should she change her behavior for nothing? Why should she stick with you when there's a whole world out there for her to explore?

Figure out what YOU want, and once you know, be clear with her about it. Then see what she does and you'll have your answer.

Honestly, I can't tell if you even like this girl. A lot of what you say makes her out to be a petty attention-seeking tramp. I don't talk that way about people I like. Maybe she's better off without you.

Are you dating or bf/gf? Have you asked her out on dates? Don't be the jealous or insecure type. Be confident and take her for romantic dates. Hold hands. Go to a movie or get something to eat. Don't just "hang out". Make a stand. Do not worry about her reputation or popularity. If she's pretty and nice, boys will want to be around her and girls will make up catty rumors. Accept her for how she is.

I'm 17, she's a year junior to me. We met in our school bus.

Hello,

I'm really grateful for your words.

Ik I'm being stern but she kinda gets jealous when there are girls around me. She gets kinda agitated and mocks me alot. If she's expecting a certain behaviour from my side, then I should expect too.

And regarding the like-stuff, she does occasionally say “I love you” alot.

Thank you so much.

Given how young she is, it sounds to me like she is looking for a boyfriend and tells you about meeting these guys to provoke some jealousy in you so that you ask her on a date. Not the best strategy to send a message to a boy you like, but hey, she's 16. She's learning.

We can't tell you if she would drop all these online guys if she starts dating you. That's a chance you would have to take. My guess is that she will continue to attract attention but it's what she does with the attention that counts. Girls regularly attract guys, even if it's unsolicited and unwanted. That isn't going to stop just because she has a boyfriend, to be clear. However, what you would need to observe is whether she continues to reciprocate the attention and encourage it by engaging with them.

Be careful about judging her for her reputation, though. A lot of nasty gossip swirls around teen girls, if I remember my own highschool days. I once kissed the the biggest player-Jock-bro at a party (yes, quite literally just kissed, but someone happened to see this) and at school on Monday I was hearing that I had slept with him and was slapped with a couple labels I certainly didn't deserve. It passed quickly, but beware that people pick on teen girls a lot and are very quick to indulge in catty and sexist gossip. It seems you know she's a good girl, so keep that in mind if anyone gives you a hard time about her.

Why don't you just date her instead of trying to keep the other boys away from her? How long does she have to wait for you to ask her out? Other boys are trying to date her. You better do something before you lose her.

You're both single and so what either of you do, such as romantically speaking to, or befriending members of the opposite sex is a subject that shouldn't be discussed with jealousy or judgement. It's unreasonable that she should ignore and not seek out guy friends to prove to you that she's gf material. And whether her reputation was warranted or not years ago, people can change and mature.

If you want her as a gf, make it happen. Just make sure you share the same relationship boundaries, because if you don't, you should stick to being friends. Just know that if you become gf/bf, it's unlikely you can go back to being friends again if a breakup happens. If you decide to stay friends, stop the BS of jealousy about opposite sex friends, because that's not a true friendship.

You are not her BF so she can talk to or go out with whomever she wants. Just because she said she had feelings for you doesn't mean she has to be committed to you. It's possible she got over it and friend zoned you anyways. Your loss because you just sat on your hands.

Given how young she is, it sounds to me like she is looking for a boyfriend and tells you about meeting these guys to provoke some jealousy in you so that you ask her on a date. Not the best strategy to send a message to a boy you like, but hey, she's 16. She's learning.

It's always bugged me that the first thing that people say is that a girl is being manipulative or seeking attention. It never seemed fair, even when I was a kid. I was never manipulative. I had a lot of male friends, and I did crush on some of them. However, I didn't chase boys, even when I liked them. I did get a lot of attention and I was comfortable discussing it with anyone, including boys that I liked (or could like). That's because I genuinely liked them and saw them as friends, not just as sex-objects. They were friends first. And if they couldn't make a move on me, they stayed friends.

Agree with the rest of what you said, though, MissCanuck.

Ik I'm being stern but she kinda gets jealous when there are girls around me. She gets kinda agitated and mocks me alot. If she's expecting a certain behaviour from my side, then I should expect too.

And regarding the like-stuff, she does occasionally say “I love you” alot.

You're being the opposite of stern. You totally lack conviction or action. You're just complaining at this point. Go on and take a stand. Put some skin in the game instead of being jealous and complainy.

Just being attractive and turning boys heads gets you called a s*&t. I went through it as a teenager, and yes it's so unfair when people, mainly mean girls, just assume you are out of jealousy, then spread rumors to be vindictive. Actually it followed me into adulthood as well. One time I was at a pub with my husband and a few friends, and these friend's acquaintances. Right away these 3 females were calling me a s*&t in their little conversation I over heard. Brutal.