Can’t get out of my own head to enjoy this new potential relationship.

[hpinky]

I’m sorry, this is going to be long. I recently joined a dating app, mostly because I was feeling depressed and insecure so my sister suggested I join a dating app. I got messages from several guys but nothing really stuck. There was one guy, he messaged me to tell me he thinks we have a lot in common. I decided, sure I’ll respond. I don’t know why I did, he didn’t seem much of my type. But we started to build a connection. I went into this not looking to gain anything. After 3 weeks of talking every single day. (He’d call me every day during my work commute to make sure I didn’t fall asleep). He confessed to me that he’s sure he’s found the one. He convinced me to go on a date with him. He was super sweet during our date, he leaned in and kissed me. This whole time I’m feeling really happy. We saw each other 3 or 4 times the following week. He’s told me that he’s in love with me and really wants this to develops into a relationship. I’m conflicted, because I feel a lot of feelings and connection for him. But I know it’s moving way too fast. In my head I keep thinking he’s a player and just wants sex. One night I couldn’t get out of my own head, so I suggested we slept together. He asked if I was sure. I told him I had a question in my head that I want an answer to. (The question was, does he want sex Or is he really sincere?) after we slept together, to my surprise he’s still around. He still tells me he loves me. Still calls me every night. I can’t seem to get myself to believe that he is in this. I can’t get myself to feel like I deserve something good. I keep waiting for him to show me that he’s lying and is just messing with my head. I don’t know how to just relax and watch this unfold. He’s asked me to be his girlfriend. And on the surface I tell him I would but deep down I don’t know if it’s real. I keep waiting for him to redact it. I’ve been hurt so much that I can’t seem to believe anything nice that he says. I’m afraid that I’m going to ruin this relationship before it becomes anything.

[Awanderer]

I've got red flags going off with him telling you he's "sure he's found the one" before you've even met in person. That's moving way too fast, so I don't blame you for not trusting his sincerity. I'd move very very cautiously and watch for flags of an abuser. Abusers often push to get serious really fast, including saying they love you really quickly. I'm not saying he is. He could actually just really like you and be swept away with enthusiasm. But definitely move with caution and keep your head about you.

[DanZee]

Well, what's the background of this guy? Not every guy is trying to mess with a girl's head. It sounds like he wants a relationship too. But I agree he was moving way too quickly, putting a full court press on you by calling you every day until you went out with him, and then keeping it up. So what is he like? Is he sensitive? How about clingy? Is he pushy? You could date him for a couple of months until you get over the honeymoon period and start seeing how he really is. Rather than being abusive, he could be needy, and that's not goo either. Stay critical, but see how it goes until you commit yourself to him.

[hpinky]

I've got red flags going off with him telling you he's "sure he's found the one" before you've even met in person. That's moving way too fast, so I don't blame you for not trusting his sincerity. I'd move very very cautiously and watch for flags of an abuser. Abusers often push to get serious really fast, including saying they love you really quickly. I'm not saying he is. He could actually just really like you and be swept away with enthusiasm. But definitely move with caution and keep your head about you.

I’ll definitely need to look up signs of abusers. I usually don’t tolerate that kind of behavior, but I’ve never really encountered one before so I’m not too experienced. He isn’t pushy because he’ll tell me things he wants but said he’ll wait for me to be ready. But I do have worries, so thank you for the advice. I am going to continue cautiously.

[1a1a]

You’re gut is trying to keep you safe. He can’t possibly love you, he needs more time to get to know you. The infatuation is probably real for him though. I don’t know what advice to give you going forward, just trust your gut and don’t trust love bombing!

Edit to add; you absolutely deserve something real and this nice. But also for it to be something that grows organically out of sincere and ongoing attraction, not comes ready made from someone who is just looking to fill the girlfriend shaped hole in their life. Is your guy cool with you maintaining your life outside of him? Is he maintaining his own hobbies and friendships?

[hpinky]

Well, what's the background of this guy? Not every guy is trying to mess with a girl's head. It sounds like he wants a relationship too. But I agree he was moving way too quickly, putting a full court press on you by calling you every day until you went out with him, and then keeping it up. So what is he like? Is he sensitive? How about clingy? Is he pushy? You could date him for a couple of months until you get over the honeymoon period and start seeing how he really is. Rather than being abusive, he could be needy, and that's not goo either. Stay critical, but see how it goes until you commit yourself to him.

He’s very gentlemanly. Opens the door of his car for me every time. I don’t know how sensitive he is. He’s been pretty open with me about his life and his family. Has a good job and seems legit. But you just never know. He definitely says really sweet things to me. He’s very thoughtful and attentive. Which makes me wonder if he’s a player type who knows the right things to say. He says he’s only had 3 serious relationships and don’t do flings. Says he joined the dating app hoping to find someone special because he’s ready for the next step in life. The app is not like tinder, where anyone can join and make a free account. It actually is very biased where men has to pay a monthly fee of $50 and women joins free. When I gave him my instagram, he shut down his profile on the dating app right away. I asked him why and he tells me he just wants to focus on me right now to see where things go. He texts me good morning every morning. Except this week as I’m on vacation right now and he hasn’t tried to initiate conversation. I told him that I may not have good signal but will reach out to him when I can. I lied about that as I have signal. I just don’t know where my head is in all of this right now. A part of me wants to let my guards down and just enjoy this feeling because I feel really happy when I’m with him, but another part is just too scared and doubtful. I do want to pursue a relationship but I don’t want to get hurt either.

[hpinky]

You’re gut is trying to keep you safe. He can’t possibly love you, he needs more time to get to know you. The infatuation is probably real for him though. I don’t know what advice to give you going forward, just trust your gut and don’t trust love bombing!

Edit to add; you absolutely deserve something real and this nice. But also for it to be something that grows organically out of sincere and ongoing attraction, not comes ready made from someone who is just looking to fill the girlfriend shaped hole in their life. Is your guy cool with you maintaining your life outside of him? Is he maintaining his own hobbies and friendships?

He does keep a life to his own where he hangs out with his friends on certain days. He will send me a text every now and then when he’s with his friends to let me know he’s thinking of me. I’m on vacation now and he’s given me plenty of space so I can enjoy my time. I haven’t texted or reached to him all day today. I don’t even know if I should text him or not. He doesn’t over obsessively text or calls me right now. I do feel like he’s deep in infatuation and that he will sizzle out of it when I’m slowly falling for him and will be the one left sad in the end.

[DanZee]

Hmm. He's doing all the right things. He's obviously been trained by his previous relationships. I guess the next thing to do is find out why Mr. Perfect broke up with his three girlfriends. The problem is you may not get the real reasons from him. But hearing his answer might give you a clue. But I guess you'll just have to play it out.

You could be a rebound relationship where he realizes what he's missed in a past relationship and now he's trying to get back where he had been before in a relationship. It's difficult to know right now.

[poorlittlefish]

It's way too early to be talking love and you being "the one" but maybe he was just super excited to have found someone with whom he feels a good connection. He might secretly be wishing he hadn't come out with that stuff in case it scares you off.

If he seems to be doing everything right then just go with it. Don't be changing how often you communicate or view his nice actions with suspicion. If he's as great as he appears to be then he won't change. Don't push him away by judging him against the bad experiences of others: take him at his word until he gives you reason not to.

[MissCanuck]

I am going to be honest, OP.

My experience taught me that grown men who rush in and declare love this early on are usually not great candidates for relationships.

He might not be lying about how he's feeling, but I would be wary about him trying to fill a void or having other issues that compel him to try to nail down a girlfriend and seal the deal when he barely knows the woman.

Take the above for what you will. Just my two cents.