Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 29

Thread: Canít get out of my own head to enjoy this new potential relationship.

  1. #1
    Member hpinky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    93
    Gender
    Female

    Canít get out of my own head to enjoy this new potential relationship.

    Iím sorry, this is going to be long. I recently joined a dating app, mostly because I was feeling depressed and insecure so my sister suggested I join a dating app. I got messages from several guys but nothing really stuck. There was one guy, he messaged me to tell me he thinks we have a lot in common. I decided, sure Iíll respond. I donít know why I did, he didnít seem much of my type. But we started to build a connection. I went into this not looking to gain anything. After 3 weeks of talking every single day. (Heíd call me every day during my work commute to make sure I didnít fall asleep). He confessed to me that heís sure heís found the one. He convinced me to go on a date with him. He was super sweet during our date, he leaned in and kissed me. This whole time Iím feeling really happy. We saw each other 3 or 4 times the following week. Heís told me that heís in love with me and really wants this to develops into a relationship. Iím conflicted, because I feel a lot of feelings and connection for him. But I know itís moving way too fast. In my head I keep thinking heís a player and just wants sex. One night I couldnít get out of my own head, so I suggested we slept together. He asked if I was sure. I told him I had a question in my head that I want an answer to. (The question was, does he want sex Or is he really sincere?) after we slept together, to my surprise heís still around. He still tells me he loves me. Still calls me every night. I canít seem to get myself to believe that he is in this. I canít get myself to feel like I deserve something good. I keep waiting for him to show me that heís lying and is just messing with my head. I donít know how to just relax and watch this unfold. Heís asked me to be his girlfriend. And on the surface I tell him I would but deep down I donít know if itís real. I keep waiting for him to redact it. Iíve been hurt so much that I canít seem to believe anything nice that he says. Iím afraid that Iím going to ruin this relationship before it becomes anything.

  2. #2
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2018
    Posts
    25
    I've got red flags going off with him telling you he's "sure he's found the one" before you've even met in person. That's moving way too fast, so I don't blame you for not trusting his sincerity. I'd move very very cautiously and watch for flags of an abuser. Abusers often push to get serious really fast, including saying they love you really quickly. I'm not saying he is. He could actually just really like you and be swept away with enthusiasm. But definitely move with caution and keep your head about you.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2017
    Location
    Boston, MA
    Age
    62
    Posts
    4,754
    Gender
    Male
    Well, what's the background of this guy? Not every guy is trying to mess with a girl's head. It sounds like he wants a relationship too. But I agree he was moving way too quickly, putting a full court press on you by calling you every day until you went out with him, and then keeping it up. So what is he like? Is he sensitive? How about clingy? Is he pushy? You could date him for a couple of months until you get over the honeymoon period and start seeing how he really is. Rather than being abusive, he could be needy, and that's not goo either. Stay critical, but see how it goes until you commit yourself to him.

  4. #4
    Member hpinky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    93
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Awanderer
    I've got red flags going off with him telling you he's "sure he's found the one" before you've even met in person. That's moving way too fast, so I don't blame you for not trusting his sincerity. I'd move very very cautiously and watch for flags of an abuser. Abusers often push to get serious really fast, including saying they love you really quickly. I'm not saying he is. He could actually just really like you and be swept away with enthusiasm. But definitely move with caution and keep your head about you.
    Iíll definitely need to look up signs of abusers. I usually donít tolerate that kind of behavior, but Iíve never really encountered one before so Iím not too experienced. He isnít pushy because heíll tell me things he wants but said heíll wait for me to be ready. But I do have worries, so thank you for the advice. I am going to continue cautiously.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Posts
    1,664
    Youíre gut is trying to keep you safe. He canít possibly love you, he needs more time to get to know you. The infatuation is probably real for him though. I donít know what advice to give you going forward, just trust your gut and donít trust love bombing!

    Edit to add; you absolutely deserve something real and this nice. But also for it to be something that grows organically out of sincere and ongoing attraction, not comes ready made from someone who is just looking to fill the girlfriend shaped hole in their life. Is your guy cool with you maintaining your life outside of him? Is he maintaining his own hobbies and friendships?

  7. #6
    Member hpinky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    93
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by DanZee
    Well, what's the background of this guy? Not every guy is trying to mess with a girl's head. It sounds like he wants a relationship too. But I agree he was moving way too quickly, putting a full court press on you by calling you every day until you went out with him, and then keeping it up. So what is he like? Is he sensitive? How about clingy? Is he pushy? You could date him for a couple of months until you get over the honeymoon period and start seeing how he really is. Rather than being abusive, he could be needy, and that's not goo either. Stay critical, but see how it goes until you commit yourself to him.


    Heís very gentlemanly. Opens the door of his car for me every time. I donít know how sensitive he is. Heís been pretty open with me about his life and his family. Has a good job and seems legit. But you just never know. He definitely says really sweet things to me. Heís very thoughtful and attentive. Which makes me wonder if heís a player type who knows the right things to say. He says heís only had 3 serious relationships and donít do flings. Says he joined the dating app hoping to find someone special because heís ready for the next step in life. The app is not like tinder, where anyone can join and make a free account. It actually is very biased where men has to pay a monthly fee of $50 and women joins free. When I gave him my instagram, he shut down his profile on the dating app right away. I asked him why and he tells me he just wants to focus on me right now to see where things go. He texts me good morning every morning. Except this week as Iím on vacation right now and he hasnít tried to initiate conversation. I told him that I may not have good signal but will reach out to him when I can. I lied about that as I have signal. I just donít know where my head is in all of this right now. A part of me wants to let my guards down and just enjoy this feeling because I feel really happy when Iím with him, but another part is just too scared and doubtful. I do want to pursue a relationship but I donít want to get hurt either.

  8. #7
    Member hpinky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    93
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by 1a1a
    Youíre gut is trying to keep you safe. He canít possibly love you, he needs more time to get to know you. The infatuation is probably real for him though. I donít know what advice to give you going forward, just trust your gut and donít trust love bombing!

    Edit to add; you absolutely deserve something real and this nice. But also for it to be something that grows organically out of sincere and ongoing attraction, not comes ready made from someone who is just looking to fill the girlfriend shaped hole in their life. Is your guy cool with you maintaining your life outside of him? Is he maintaining his own hobbies and friendships?

    He does keep a life to his own where he hangs out with his friends on certain days. He will send me a text every now and then when heís with his friends to let me know heís thinking of me. Iím on vacation now and heís given me plenty of space so I can enjoy my time. I havenít texted or reached to him all day today. I donít even know if I should text him or not. He doesnít over obsessively text or calls me right now. I do feel like heís deep in infatuation and that he will sizzle out of it when Iím slowly falling for him and will be the one left sad in the end.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2017
    Location
    Boston, MA
    Age
    62
    Posts
    4,754
    Gender
    Male
    Hmm. He's doing all the right things. He's obviously been trained by his previous relationships. I guess the next thing to do is find out why Mr. Perfect broke up with his three girlfriends. The problem is you may not get the real reasons from him. But hearing his answer might give you a clue. But I guess you'll just have to play it out.

    You could be a rebound relationship where he realizes what he's missed in a past relationship and now he's trying to get back where he had been before in a relationship. It's difficult to know right now.

  10. #9
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Posts
    70
    It's way too early to be talking love and you being "the one" but maybe he was just super excited to have found someone with whom he feels a good connection. He might secretly be wishing he hadn't come out with that stuff in case it scares you off.

    If he seems to be doing everything right then just go with it. Don't be changing how often you communicate or view his nice actions with suspicion. If he's as great as he appears to be then he won't change. Don't push him away by judging him against the bad experiences of others: take him at his word until he gives you reason not to.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    7,579
    I am going to be honest, OP.

    My experience taught me that grown men who rush in and declare love this early on are usually not great candidates for relationships.

    He might not be lying about how he's feeling, but I would be wary about him trying to fill a void or having other issues that compel him to try to nail down a girlfriend and seal the deal when he barely knows the woman.

    Take the above for what you will. Just my two cents.

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •