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Thread: He makes me feel crazy

  1. #1

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    He makes me feel crazy

    Iíve never posted on one of these but I just donít know what to do.
    My husband makes me feel crazy because he never listens and tells me what I think. I need to know am I in the wrong and he is actually right or am I right for feeling this way?
    Ile use the most recent fight.
    My husband never puts anything in my Christmas stocking and every year Iím disappointed so this year I figured I would make an Amazon list for him to give some ideas.
    Somehow I sent the list to my mom too and when she asked about it I explained it was for my husband. She said she wanted to talk to him about it so she could get me some stuff on it too. I told him this and this giant fight ensued.
    He told me I have ruined the spirit of Christmas because I donít care who gets me the items on my list of demands since my mom wants to get me some stuff off it.
    I explained I only made the list to help give him some ideas.
    His response is that I am to busy defending myself to comprehend what I did.
    I said I was sorry that wasnít my intention, I was just trying to help.
    Again he says I canít comprehend what I did because I am in defender mode.
    I told him I can comprehend why he perceived it that way but it wasnít my intention.
    He then starts doing the whole talking slowly making me acknowledge every little detail then saying Ďgood girlí and clapping after.
    In the end I give up trying to talk and just agree I am a greedy, demanding person who is ruining Christmas.
    He then makes comments like how bad our communication is and how he wishes I would use my words and how he hates it when I shut down.
    Whatís the point in trying to talk if everything i I say is wrong?
    I have tried to move on and make some jokes since but he just keeps bringing it up and needling me all over again. I donít know how many times I can say sorry.
    This is how all our fights end up.
    Itís been 2 days of this one.
    Any opinions?

  2. #2
    Bronze Member BecxyRex's Avatar
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    This sounds insane. You shouldnít need to apologize for this over and over again, thereís no reason. I donít know all the details of your relationship, but heís treating you like a toddler. Clapping and calling you good girl? Iíd have a talk on how itís unacceptable to treat an adult the way he is and if heís not willing to work on this Iíd be out.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    He sounds like a complete jerk. Why are you with a guy who has zero respect for you and turns conversations into arguments where you end up being in the wrong? He is cheapskate ba$tard who shows no regard for you. You dont ruin Christmas, he does. I'd be gone if I was you.

  4. #4
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    It's pure emotional abuse. How long has this been going on? You should Google the terms "emotional abuse" and "emotional dependency" for a better understanding what is happening. You see, the arguments are about control and manipulation. He will find any excuse to argue any point with you because he uses the fights to tear you down, call you stupid, blame you for ruining Christmas (that's a good one), and just in general knock down any sense of pride or self-esteem that you have. It keeps you in line. A lot of people feel like they're walking on eggshells because any little thing will set off their Significant Others.

    If you don't have the courage to leave your husband, what you can do is just agree with him. You don't have to mean it, but bypass all the fighting and the arguing you know is going to take place and just agree. "Yup, I'm greedy." Then he has nothing to argue with you about. My grandmother use to say "Don't be silly" and that's how she would skip any arguments.

    Also, you should know by now how your husband is. Why are you even expecting him to buy you gifts? Just buy gifts for yourself or let your mom buy you some of the gifts. In fact, don't make any demands on your husband. You know he's not going to fulfill them anyways. Again, skip denial of what your husband is, an abuser, and go right to acceptance. You'll be happier that way.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Everything about this story is hilarious. Right down from a grown woman being upset her stocking isn't stuffed, to his mother "somehow" getting this list, to him not being able to let it go after two days. To be frank, yeah, your solution being to send him a "list of suggestions" and apparently "by accident" sending it to his mother and involving his family in Operation: Stocking Stuffer is 100% jokeworthy. Still, he's your husband and needs to cool it.

    I highly doubt aside from this your marriage is hunky dory. It sounds like you've got two people fed up with the dynamic and who have no qualms being obnoxious about it.

  7. #6
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    Might be worth reading chump ladyís blog, to get a feel for how narcissists argue (he kind of sounds like one).

    And then also captain awkward for scripts on how to shut down inappropriate conduct during arguments (like calling you good girl. Wow!)

    The suggestion to just agree with whatever slight has been delivered against you is also an excellent one for stopping arguments in their tracks.

  8. #7
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    He sounds like a manipulative, passive aggressive, selfish, abusive azz. I bet this is a fraction of the nonsense in your relationship.

    I would not stick around for this. Why do you put up with this, much less enable it?

    Throw him out!

  9. #8
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    "He then starts doing the whole talking slowly making me acknowledge every little detail then saying Ďgood girlí and clapping after." This is unbelievable! Why do you tolerate this behavior? He is a classic abuser!

  10. #9
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    Your marriage sounds like a disaster. My guess this but one of many other episodes like this, correct?

    I would not tolerate being treated in the manner you describe, OP.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It sounds like there is a lot of tension as well as very poor communication in your marriage. Is it really about stocking stuffers and Amazon lists? It sounds as though you use a lot of innuendo and passive-aggressive ways of getting what you want, under the guise of innocently "helping give ideas" and "reminding".

    Keep in mind you didn't marry Santa Claus or any of his elves. Perhaps you need a more mature attitude toward gifts, holidays and especially not recruiting your mother in this mission to turn your husband into the ideal Santa with "hints". It seems your husband is onto your "help" and manipulations.

    Therapy would help you understand more effective and mature communication and hopefully help you stop acting like a spoiled child and more like a mature partner.

    Originally Posted by Erx
    My husband never puts anything in my Christmas stocking and every year Iím disappointed so this year I figured I would make an Amazon list for him to give some ideas.

    He told me I have ruined the spirit of Christmas because I donít care who gets me the items on my list of demands since my mom wants to get me some stuff off it. I explained I only made the list to help give him some ideas.I explained I only made the list to help give him some ideas.

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