Writing a letter to my (former?) girlfriend. I want her back and need advice

Hiya, it's my first post. I am a bit broken up by what's happened so bear with me please. So it was like this. I started going out with a girl around January, it continued on until March. I am 19, she is 17. I regretted it immediately, but I had a lot of stress in my life and also some other woman was present and I didn't want to waste her time. I was sad but I knew that I had to end it. After that, we started chatting again in June, we started going out again in July. I knew that I'd want her to be someone more in my life. Perhaps even build a future with her, who knows. Unfortunately, I had to move to the UK in August because uni and stuff. So we carried on long distance. All was cool, I visited, I still felt like she was the one. She has a lot on her mind with school, much less time to chat and to call one another. Today at around 2am I got a message, saying how these visits make her feel even worse because she knows I must go back to the UK. I wrote a lengthy message, asking her to not do this and to wait until I get home for christmas in one month's time. I want to write her a letter, her brother would give it to her on the 22nd(the date I'd be home). I need some help, I never did this.

What I wrote until now is an intro. To keep it short I apologised for my handwriting, that I'm happy to go back home etc etc. Also, that I apologise for any smudges on the paper etc. I just need some examples of what I should write and key points

Thanks

Respect her feelings. And don't have her brother deliver anything. She knows when you will be home, she knows your contact info. If she wants to discuss it or meet, let her come to you.

Today at around 2am I got a message, saying how these visits make her feel even worse because she knows I must go back to the UK.

not sure what yu're saying or asking here. Are you bf/gf or not? Were you bf/gf in June or just talking and spending time?

PLease clarify all that, because if you are all bf/gf the i would recommend NOT writing the letter and just waiting until the Holidays to see and talk to her.

If you are NOT bf/gf then . well.. i still would not write the letter but contineu to communicate and then ask her to dinner or to go out when you're back home for the Holidays and then talk about it then.

So please.. clarify the situation better. What is the letter for? Are you bf/gf or not? Were you bf/gf this past summer or not?

We were together. After receiving the message to her I'd like to give her some time until I return to think it all through. The letter would explain that I don't want to lose her and how much I value her in my life.

Keep in mind she knows how you feel. She's telling you how she feels. She is telling you LDRs are too difficult...because they are. She may also be dating local boys. Don't send anything and do not put the brother in the middle of it. She's allowed to end things.

I won't give up unless she tells me to. That's the end of it. She loves me, I just must somehow make it work. I can't live without her

So does anyone have any pointers that could come in useful?

Talk to her then. Ask if she wants to meet up. Give her time to think and time to miss you. If you crowd her, you'll push her away.

I get home for christmas in one month's time.

Talk to her then. Ask if she wants to meet up. Give her time to think and time to miss you. If you crowd her, you'll push her away.

As I said, I won't contact her. I want her to be reminded of me, by that letter especially. I realised that I don't really know how to communicate my feelings exactly. I want her to see how I really feel and maybe think of some compromise.

Her brother actually introduced us to one another. He is all for me writing it. He said he'd give it to her the day I'd be back.

Seeing as you aren't willing to listen to the other more practical advice, here are some tips that might help you when writing this letter:

- do not be needy and desperate, and don't beg her to come back to you... this is so incredibly off putting, and all it does is show how little you value your own feelings in all of this.

- do share how you really feel... like what's in your heart.

- do be prepared that even if you write the letter she might still want to end things.

- do begin with the end in mind... decide what you really want her to know, and then communicate that to her.

- do not go on and on and on, rambling about all sorts of stuff... she will lose interest pretty quickly. Keep it short, sweet, and to the point.

- do not blame her or take her inventory by telling her this is her fault or detailing what she did to make you feel a certain way... take full responsibility for your feelings, your actions.

- do not expect a response from her and don't chase her down for one after you send the letter. Give her the chance to think about things even if you don't hear from her for a long time.

- And finally... no response means she isn't interested in pursuing this further, and any chasing from you will only lower your value even more in her eyes.

How long are you going to have to be apart and in the UK for?

LDR are hard. My friend from University ended up in one during our final year! During the time I had known her I haven't seen her more unhappy. It got in the way of her actual uni work in the end.

So you can't blame her for finding it difficult as it is. It is something I've never had to experience first hands but have spoken to people that have and they all say how incredibly hard it is.

That in mind. If you really love her. And she has expressed how hard it is. Wouldn't the kindest thing to do is respect her decision for now.

Things are incredibly raw and a letter may not help.

Like you said you will be home in a month. Maybe try and talk to her in person when you are back.

Although write everything out as it's good to get it out. Just don't sent it! That in it's self will feel good for you. You'll feel better just getting it all out into words.

That said if you really want to send something. Maew's advice is really good!

We were together. After receiving the message to her I'd like to give her some time until I return to think it all through. The letter would explain that I don't want to lose her and how much I value her in my life.

so you are NOT together

you are NOT bf/gf

correct?

either way like i said - don't write the letter. keep the dialog up. tell her you'd' like to take her to dinner when you're back home and in town. make it a fun evening.

see how that goes first and see how she responds.

NOBODY ever got somebody to love them because they begged or explained why they should love them. So a letter, explaining to her why she should be with you - not going to work. Only way to win her over is to win her over and be somebody she wants to be with.

Understand?

think of it this way. Think of somebody you have ZERO interset in being with. If they came and pleaded to you and wrote you a heartfelt letter and took you out to dinner and begged you to be with them and told you how much you should be with them because of how much they want to be with you - would you be with them? marry them? Probably not. So DON'T be THAT person.

OP, the problem isn't how you feel about her. She knows.

The problem you two are facing is the distance, which is hard at any stage, but particularly when she's so young and (naturally) inexperienced at dating and relationships. It takes a tremendous amount of commitment, consistency and maturity to make long-distance work. She might just not be up for it at this point in her life. Expressing your feelings isn't an awful idea, but it's not going to change the real issue.

If you decide to write this letter, what do you plan to say that will make the distance more palatable for her? That's what I would be concentrating on, because I am guessing she largely already knows you don't want to lose her.