Seeing A New Person- I Want To Do Things Differently-But Have A Few Concerns

I recently got out of a relationship about 3 months ago and now seeing a new woman. I wasn't looking for anything but we just met in a group setting and hit it off. We've been seeing each other for about 3-4 weeks now and I feel so open and comfortable with her. We communicate, laugh, share....I know it's only been a short time but I really feel like we are building a friendship in addition to being attracted to one another. We have been intimate but have not slept together yet...we are deliberately taking it slow.

Though I do really like her and see a lot of potential, and MY GUT is telling me something is positively different about this one...I can't help but notice some "red flags". One of them being , she told me early on that she is bipolar and gets regular electric shock treatments to help regulate her moods. She's told me she is healthy and has it more or less under control, but I am just getting to know her and don't really know what being with someone who is bipolar "really" means.

Also, we have discussed attachment theory in relationships and she identifies as historically having avoidant attachment styles whereas I have historically had anxious attachment styles. We both have worked on ourselves a lot and acknowledge people can change their attachment styles to be more secure...but I would be lying if I said it doesn't concern me a bit...since most of my past relationships have been with avoidant people. I just do not like that dynamic of them being scared to get close and me trying to chase them to be closer.

Does anyone have any experience or advice with this?

Take your time getting to know each other and see how it unfolds. ECT is used in severe severe and drug-resistant bipolar disorder.

I can't help but notice some "red flags". One of them being , she told me early on that she is bipolar and gets regular electric shock treatments to help regulate her moods.

My father was bipolar- he died two years ago. He was bipolar for over 60 years and my parents were married for over 60 years, till he passed away. My mother took care of him, made sure he took his meds and went to therapy. From the 1950s on. She was his hero. It is a very difficult life IMO (My father also needed ECT). He would have committed suicide, is my guess, if she hadn't been there for him. It was difficult for us as kids and even adults too. Consider whether you are up to the challenge. Others might have different opinions.

as long as the bipolar (or manic-depressive, or chemically-imbalanced) person is keeping up on their treatments and medication - it should be pretty "normal." Of course there will be ups/downs and episodes - but not too bad IF they keep up on the treatments.

HOWEVER...

that is the tough thing for people dealing with this. When they are happy and things are going great, they tend to start self-diagnosing and thinking they're "better" or "healed" and start to disregard the treatments and THAT'S when it can get messy and very very difficult. And it always seems to happen. You see.. the common denominator with this condition is that treatments help "even things out" (make the highs not so high, make the lows not so low). So when a patient is "doing well" and things are goin gtheir way and they're happy - the treatments knock down their happiness a bit. And this is why many start to believe they don't need the treatment or would be better off without them.

It's understandable and instinctive - thus why it's so hard for most patients to stay disciplined when life is going well. I have not been with anybody who hasn't fallen to these temptations in fact.

Best Wishes and Good Luck.

Yes, I echo Wiseman's concerned. If she's having regular electro-shock therapy, this is a very serious condition. And if you have issues as well, this could be a helluva rollercoaster ride of a relationship. Maybe you don't want to get too involved until you've seen your girlfriend go through one of her cycles. And then you can judge if you can deal with this or not.

as long as the bipolar (or manic-depressive, or chemically-imbalanced) person is keeping up on their treatments and medication - it should be pretty "normal." Of course there will be ups/downs and episodes - but not too bad IF they keep up on the treatments.

 

HOWEVER...

 

that is the tough thing for people dealing with this. When they are happy and things are going great, they tend to start self-diagnosing and thinking they're "better" or "healed" and start to disregard the treatments and THAT'S when it can get messy and very very difficult. And it always seems to happen. You see.. the common denominator with this condition is that treatments help "even things out" (make the highs not so high, make the lows not so low). So when a patient is "doing well" and things are goin gtheir way and they're happy - the treatments knock down their happiness a bit. And this is why many start to believe they don't need the treatment or would be better off without them.

 

It's understandable and instinctive - thus why it's so hard for most patients to stay disciplined when life is going well. I have not been with anybody who hasn't fallen to these temptations in fact.

 

Best Wishes and Good Luck.

Medication compliance is a huge challenge for those with bi-polar... they need to have a great deal of acceptance of their situation and be very willing to stay consistent even when they are feeling good.

You would be signing yourself up for a bumpy road... however, if you are up for the challenge and this person is worth it for you, I say go for it. My bff is in a loving marriage with a man that is an anchor for her when she goes through these cycles and it doesn't phase him at all... he just rolls with it.

Medication compliance is a huge challenge for those with bi-polar... they need to have a great deal of acceptance of their situation and be very willing to stay consistent even when they are feeling good.

 

You would be signing yourself up for a bumpy road... however, if you are up for the challenge and this person is worth it for you, I say go for it. My bff is in a loving marriage with a man that is an anchor for her when she goes through these cycles and it doesn't phase him at all... he just rolls with it.

yes exactly. regardless of anything else - being with somebody dealing with this WILL be a bumpy road for sure.

it is yet just another potential obstacle or challenge (of the many obstacles and challenges with relatoinships.

So it falls under everybody's personal "what am i willing to deal with? what is a dealbreaker for me?"

Good luck.

"I just do not like that dynamic of them being scared to get close and me trying to chase them to be closer."

- you already are aware of some red flags.

Regarding what I highlighted above.. you wanting to try going thru this..again?

Red flags in the beginning help you think more & figure out if it;s even worth it- going further.

Just don't string her along any more than necessary, as emotions can get involved.. then one gets hurt :(. Not fun!