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Thread: Life is hard with a kid

  1. #31
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    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    The more caretakers to which a toddler is exposed, the more open and socially comfortable she is likely to become.
    This is a good suggestion. Thank you. Maybe I can use this to convince my wife to let our friend take care of her while we go on a date. That'd be nice. :)

  2. #32
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Mr.Mister
    I was diagnosed with MS 12 years ago, after a spinal tap and MRI results, after having optic neuritis. So, yes, I have MS. Also, I have a lot more than one lesion, as you have to have at least like 10 lesions to be diagnosed with MS. I believe I have just over 20, though I haven't had an MRI in many years.
    Thanks for the clarification. Much appreciated.

  3. #33
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    Originally Posted by Mr.Mister
    This is a good suggestion. Thank you. Maybe I can use this to convince my wife to let our friend take care of her while we go on a date. That'd be nice. :)
    In our case we found that it wasn't about caretakers but being exposed to toddlers her own age around the time that parallel play became more of playing together. So we went to a lot of the library story times, toddler art classes at the museum, the playground -and just being out and about on a daily basis -we rarely stayed in one place or "at home".

    We also exposed him to many other adults on a regular basis -family, family friends, neighbors, music teacher, art teacher - even though we were supervising and the main caretakers. I do not believe toddlers have to be left with adult caretakers as part of socialization. I do believe some parents like to do that for self-care which of course they deserve. Other parents find ways for alone time when the child is napping/sleeping, etc.

    I also think it's really important that the child get used to being alone with each of the parents in a two parent family. But not for socialization reasons. Older children who are in a school setting need to learn that they also must listen to teachers and teacher-like people and follow the rules appropriate to the environment they are in whether or not the parents are around.

    Some parents start what they call "school" when children are toddlers (i.e. certain daycares are referred to as "school" - I am talking about more like nursery/pre-k and up as "school") and also have drop off classes for toddlers/pre-school age children. From what I've seen as a former daycare teacher and now a parent, before 2 years old it's mostly parallel play and it's good for toddlers to be around other kids, especially within their age range give or take and after that once more interactive play starts it's great to have those activities whether a parent is supervising or a caretaker.

    I do think you and your wife can use a date night and I would find a good sitter/trusted family member/family friend. We had a long list of things like phone numbers to call in case of emergency, description of child's routine, etc to aid in the transition. It's what our sitter -and IMO a good sitter of such a young child - asks for from the parents.

  4. #34
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I was so glad when my son turned about 15 and could care for himself for a few hours. My son has a developmental disability and wouldn’t stay with anyone but my mom. It made life so that he went with us everywhere. Now he’s 21 and we can only leave a few days at a time but at least it’s a few days together .

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  6. #35
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    If the baby sleeps in bed with you, are you guys not having sex either?!

  7. #36
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    Originally Posted by itsallgrand
    If the baby sleeps in bed with you, are you guys not having sex either?!
    She sleeps in her crib, at first, so we can fool around or whatever we want then. Even so, I come arrive home from work kind of late, and often my wife wants to get to bed earlier, since our baby gets up at 7am, regardless.

    So, it doesn't happen as much as my wife would like, but it's a decent amount. Even so, after we are done, we kind of separate on the bed, so there will be room for our girl to sleep if she wakes up in the middle of the night. I'd often prefer to just cuddle with my wife to sleep.

  8. #37
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Mr.Mister
    This is a good suggestion. Thank you. Maybe I can use this to convince my wife to let our friend take care of her while we go on a date. That'd be nice. :)
    Consider leaving articles from experts around that support your ideas rather challenging wife with them. A helicopter mom isn't going to let go of her anxiety or take suggestions well, so you'll need to avoid creating a power struggle.

    Don't try to 'win,' as that sets her up to dig in to prevent a 'loss' rather than feeling supported. Leaving stuff offhandedly on the counter or in the bathroom as though it's something you're in the middle of reading can prompt her to be nosy and then consider the material for herself.

    Allowing wife to credit herself with good ideas rather than making a contest out of them is the best way for you BOTH to win.

  9. #38
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    Co-sleeping is something North America has a very hard time with that other cultures find very normal. I co-slept until my son was about 3 . He decided he was done and went to his own bed never to return.

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