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Thread: Life is hard with a kid

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    Take heart the first few years are difficult. Maybe though you will get into it when your child is more interactive with you.
    Thank you for the nice reply and the suggestion. I'm sure things will get better as she becomes more of a person and has more of a personality.

  2. #12
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Mr.Mister
    Thank you for the nice reply and the suggestion. I'm sure things will get better as she becomes more of a person and has more of a personality.
    Well, she is a person with a personality.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by itsallgrand
    There's nothing set in stone here, you could change things up. Maybe that means she goes back to work at least part time, and you can spend more time at home with your child and family and won't feel obligated to stay in a particular job. Maybe that means finding reliable childcare sometimes so you and your wife can go on dates. Etc. Endless possibilities.

    But you aren't stuck and you shouldn't just ignore being miserable.
    My wife is Japanese, so we live in Japan now, so the day care/nursery schools are run differently than in the States. We could pay a buttload of money to a daycare for them to watch her for the day, but my wife is not interested in having other people watch her. She enjoys hanging out with her and loves being a mom. She's happy; just has to deal with wrist pain and things like lack of sleep. It's me that's complaining, not her.

    We have a family friend that would be more than happy to watch her for a few hours, while we go out somewhere, but my wife doesn't want to leave her somewhere where she'll not be comfortable. She's at the "stranger danger" phase still, so it takes a couple days to get used to someone enough for them to just hold her without her crying a bunch.

    I also want time to myself, and having our baby in a daycare won't address that at all. If my wife wants to go back to work, then she will, but who knows if/when that'll be.

    Just gotta give it time.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    But with that being said, your child is here now so youíre gonna have to make lemonaid with those lemons. Donít be another one of these deadbeat men who run out.
    That's not even an option. I love my wife more than anything in the universe, and would do anything to make her happy. So, I could never leave her!

    You are right though. I will try my best to make the best out of what I've been given, even if I'm not really enjoying it all right now. Thanks for the reply.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Mr.Mister
    My wife is Japanese, so we live in Japan now, so the day care/nursery schools are run differently than in the States. We could pay a buttload of money to a daycare for them to watch her for the day, but my wife is not interested in having other people watch her. She enjoys hanging out with her and loves being a mom. She's happy; just has to deal with wrist pain and things like lack of sleep. It's me that's complaining, not her.

    We have a family friend that would be more than happy to watch her for a few hours, while we go out somewhere, but my wife doesn't want to leave her somewhere where she'll not be comfortable. She's at the "stranger danger" phase still, so it takes a couple days to get used to someone enough for them to just hold her without her crying a bunch.

    I also want time to myself, and having our baby in a daycare won't address that at all. If my wife wants to go back to work, then she will, but who knows if/when that'll be.

    Just gotta give it time.
    Wow. So no, you aren't willing to do anything. Sounds like wife calls the shots and that's it.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by itsallgrand
    Wow. So no, you aren't willing to do anything. Sounds like wife calls the shots and that's it.
    Well... sounds like heís talked to her. What else is he supposed to do? I donít understand the tone of your message.

    I think itís commendable OP is trying to keep his wife happy. I also thing the honesty is commendable. Itís hard to admit these things.

    OP, I donít have MS but I have friends who do. Their symptoms currently present mostly as fatigue and bathroom urges, but I donít know what is going on psychologically for them.

    Having MS, being in a new country, being a new dad - thatís a LOT. A LOT.

    Remember that and be patient.

    Try and find ways to bond with your daughter. When you get angry, stop and try to logic out the anger. Easier said than done! Why am I upset? How can I stop being upset?

    Etc.

    Also, I think your point is fair. Yes, technically your baby is a person. But their personality will grow and foster and be more interactive. I get looking forward to that time.

  8. #17
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    I doubt I'll get much sympathy on here, but I mostly just wanted to vent my frustrations.
    Youíre not alone. Iím in the same boat as you and feel the same way with my 3 month old. My Husband is unemployed and knew about it the week before I went into labor. That and because I didnít qualify for FMLA, I ended up returning to work without full recovery within 4 weeks of maternity leave. My work is high stress though I love the people/clients I work with. I want out just as bad.

    Iím Fíing miserable, and I definitely feel you. You are not a terrible person. YOU. ARE. NOT. HORRIBLE. Parenting is insanely harder than what people make it out to be. Nobody goes through parenthood the same way as everyone else. You do you to make it and survive. Keep your head low and keep moving forward.

    Yes, he does - MS.

    My understanding of MS is that lesions can develop anywhere in the brain so symptoms present wildly differently in people with MS.
    Is this confirmed by a professional in mental health services? Has the OP seen a therapist whoís confirmed it?

  9. #18
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    I think you need someone to talk to. Maybe your neurologist can recommend a therapist. There are a lot of things you can't really change about your life, and the MS may be causing depression in addition to your situation. Talking things out and maybe getting some meds might help you feel better.

  10. #19
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    Did you ever think, find some fun stuff to do with your kid? Kids can be really fun if you give them the chance, especially as they get older. My daughter is now at a fun age where sheís becoming more independent and can do things for herself, and we can also do fun things together, like play board games (you get the chance to play all those fun games from when you were a kid!), go hiking, go bowling, things like that. Being miserable wonít solve any problems; it will only make things worse.

  11. #20
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    Mom of a 19 month old over here. Taking care of a toddler is hard and sometimes it's also pretty boring to run a car over the carpet for an hour making wooshing sounds. I totally get it. Vacation isn't the same it used to be with a little one in tow and couple's nights out are more rare. I still wouldn't trade this for my previous freedom. I love my daughter beyond anything and she brings me tons of joy. It's important to recognize that it's not all sunshine and rainbows at all times though, and people are afraid to admit that.

    It's important to come to terms with the situation at hand. A couple of years of hard work, but I've heard from everyone that it gets soooo much easier the older the kids get. When you can reason with them and they can clearly tell you what they want. You'll still have different challenges, but you know what I mean.

    I know a mom in my friend circle who is from Japan and from what I can tell they practice strong attachment parenting where the child sleeps in the family bed for many years sometimes. Is it possible your wife may fall into that category? I only ask, because she's reluctant to hand your daughter off "to a stranger" for even a bit of time. We have a baby sitter we rely on for a couple nights and it's great help for date nights. I also go out to meet friends at night when my daughter is asleep and my fiance watches her. I do the same for him. We both work and our daughter is in daycare, but I've taken a few vacation days here and there where it's just doing stuff I want until I pick her up. Massage or brunch or a movie in the theater. It's so good to throw some self care into it all. Do you have these options?

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