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Thread: Social Pressure on Weight

  1. #1
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    Social Pressure on Weight

    In my community, we have this latest so called 'Rule' of being skinny or else would hardly find a parter for marriage. People body scan the girls especially to check where the extra fat is. I believe I am in a heathy figure, but because of my large body frame, I am assumed to be overweight and am rejected by many groom prospects. While I was in college, I was the like the dream girl to guys but I couldnt find the dream guy there. Hence, I have to rely on online sites and matchmakers to find the right guy. My parents too are blaming me for not losing weight to become supermodel thin which I cannot owing to my bone structure and large frame. Even if the guy likes me, their parents are making a mess and cancelling the proposal for me not being like a supermodel. I wonder if I can find the guy. God knows whats wrong with guys in my community, they werent like this few years ago. Its all because of societal trend and influences that people base their preferences and not their own mind.

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    I second this fully ...not to the extent that parents would have a problem ( different culture , but man that is dreadful )

    listen , you own it girl , I know I sound cheesy but Mr right is out there and he will love every inch of you .

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Are you scheduled for an arranged marriage?
    Originally Posted by Ksyrl
    I am assumed to be overweight and am rejected by many groom prospects.

    My parents too are blaming me for not losing weight.


    Even if the guy likes me, their parents are making a mess and cancelling the proposal

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    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Which country is it? That sounds awful! A life partner should love you inside out and not just the body
    And the right man for you won't let his parents dictate his love choices.

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  6. #5
    Gold Member maew's Avatar
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    Oh it's not just your community... there is a perception globally that being thin somehow means you get everything you want in life... men, jobs, success, happiness, etc, etc. Of course I think we all know that being thin doesn't give you a good personality or make you a better person... nor does it make you happy.

    You know deep down inside that this isn't true... unfortunately you are being bombarded by messages that your beliefs aren't valid. But that voice inside you that says they are wrong... that you are beautiful the way you are and that you want a relationship with someone that loves you for who you are... those are the voices you need to listen to.

    If you have the ways and means, consider breaking away from your community to a community that is more accepting of diversity and will celebrate you as you are.

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    Iím in my mid 50ís, and itís the same thing in the social circles Iím in. So itís not just you, nor is it just amongst young people or certain comminunities. Even at my age, a size 8 is considered ďlargeĒ, and I struggle as well. My ex-boyfriend made sure to point out how fat I looked in all their family photos, as size 00 - 2 are considered ďaverageĒ. So I looked huge in comparison. He was a jerk, hence the ďexĒ, but I have to admit it did hurt.

    I have 2 teenage nieces who are sisters. One is thin, the other one a larger gal. Both play sports, both eat the same. But their grandmother (not my mom, their other grandmother) gives the larger one a hard time, constantly. Itís horrible.

    Best thing I can say is, F it. Seriously. Be healthy. Eat right. Exercise. And be whatever size your body maintains.

    I think the Instagram-model phenomenon has contributed, as well as so much other social media.

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    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    OP where on earth do you live? Sounds awful. I'm chubby, always have been, and doubt it will change as I take after my dad's family. As I got older I learned to not let it bother me and honestly it doesnt bother me. If you dont like me because I am not thin, well then I dont need you in my life. My husband loves me for me.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member browneyedgirl36's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by LHGirl
    Iím in my mid 50ís, and itís the same thing in the social circles Iím in. So itís not just you, nor is it just amongst young people or certain comminunities. Even at my age, a size 8 is considered ďlargeĒ, and I struggle as well. My ex-boyfriend made sure to point out how fat I looked in all their family photos, as size 00 - 2 are considered ďaverageĒ. So I looked huge in comparison. He was a jerk, hence the ďexĒ, but I have to admit it did hurt.

    I have 2 teenage nieces who are sisters. One is thin, the other one a larger gal. Both play sports, both eat the same. But their grandmother (not my mom, their other grandmother) gives the larger one a hard time, constantly. Itís horrible.

    Best thing I can say is, F it. Seriously. Be healthy. Eat right. Exercise. And be whatever size your body maintains.

    I think the Instagram-model phenomenon has contributed, as well as so much other social media.
    Good advice. I have been mildly overweight my whole life -- around 20-30 pounds mostly, but at one point closer to 40 -- and when I was growing up, I got a TON of messages that boys wouldn't want to date me, men would never be interested in me, etc. I internalized those messages well into my 30's. When I was a teenager, I starved myself down to 112 pounds at one point, and I was miserable and looked gaunt. At one point, I ballooned up to around 180 and even size 16 was starting to get snug. I was miserable then, too, so I lost close to 30 pounds about 15 years ago, and at around 155 and size 10, I'm finally fine with how I look AND feel, even though I am definitely not thin by societal standards, and am probably still at least 20 pounds overweight for my height/frame.



    The bottom line: How do YOU feel about yourself? That's all that matters. Others' opinions are just noise. It's hard, but try to focus more on how you feel about yourself than how others feel about you. I finally got to a decent weight, one where I'm happy, when I stopped listening to everyone else -- the media, "society," my parents, peers who obsess over weight.

    Think about how you want to spend the rest of your life. Even if you get "thin enough" for one of these arranged marriages to come about, you will no doubt feel pressure every minute of every day to maintain that size, and that will lead to a lot of stress -- and even misery -- for you. I once met a woman at a party who was impeccably dressed and, very thin, etc. She had a handsome, similarly fit and well-groomed husband. It was back when I was single, and I was jealous -- they seemed to have it ALL! After they left the party, the party hostess confided that she was worried about the woman because her husband was extremely controlling -- that he made her weigh herself EVERY morning and tell him how much she weighed, and that if she went over a certain weight, he would freak out. All the envy I had immediately vanished, and I was grateful not to have to deal with that -- to be able to just be myself, and love myself, how I was/am. That, above all, is the most important thing. It's worth it to hold out for someone who is going to love you and appreciate you for who you are and what you look like.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You would be wise to study some art and go to some museums. Do you live in a country that allows art and museums? From that you'll see that there are all forms of ideal female and male bodies throughout time. And that this varies with cultures, times, etc.

    It seems you have an eating disorder and some sort of body image distortion in addition to poor self esteem and are very self conscious and overly focused on your appearance. You are so obsessed with this that you feel only extremely thin people will find mates. You appear to be extending this into the inability to procure a husband and even go so far to say that your parents and the parents of prospective grooms want you to lose weight and are rejecting you due to weight.
    Originally Posted by Ksyrl
    In my community, we have this latest so called 'Rule' of being skinny or else would hardly find a parter for marriage.

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    I have a large frame as well OP. I am now overweight but I carry it well because of my frame. When I was thin I was still large in the sense I wore size 8 jeans and large tops. Thatís only because I had the curves. But I was healthy.

    I would give anything to go back to that body!

    Being obese I started to realize if youíre healthy and not obese. Then you should have nothing to worry about.

    Iím not looking to lose weight to be a size 0 Iím losing weight too come off certain medications and be healthy.

    Op I think you need to shut out the naysayers and do your own thing! Love will come!

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