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Thread: Social Pressure on Weight

  1. #21
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    I belong to Indian ethnicity. People weren't so much judgeental about body and would like to know about the personality. Now, even if the girl is a jerk, malnourished, they just don't care. Guys seem to giving importance to so called 'FAMILY PRESTIGE' about getting a skinny daughter-in-law into their. Otherwise, they would feel ashamed of having failed. Hopeless society.

  2. #22
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    I live in India currently, have gone to college in USA. I would like to say that to those mean guys like a punch on their face for showing how awful they are by body shaming. Im happy your husband loves you for being yourself. I belief the wait will be worth it to find my Mr.Right who loves me for being me.

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by browneyedgirl36
    Good advice. I have been mildly overweight my whole life -- around 20-30 pounds mostly, but at one point closer to 40 -- and when I was growing up, I got a TON of messages that boys wouldn't want to date me, men would never be interested in me, etc. I internalized those messages well into my 30's. When I was a teenager, I starved myself down to 112 pounds at one point, and I was miserable and looked gaunt. At one point, I ballooned up to around 180 and even size 16 was starting to get snug. I was miserable then, too, so I lost close to 30 pounds about 15 years ago, and at around 155 and size 10, I'm finally fine with how I look AND feel, even though I am definitely not thin by societal standards, and am probably still at least 20 pounds overweight for my height/frame.



    The bottom line: How do YOU feel about yourself? That's all that matters. Others' opinions are just noise. It's hard, but try to focus more on how you feel about yourself than how others feel about you. I finally got to a decent weight, one where I'm happy, when I stopped listening to everyone else -- the media, "society," my parents, peers who obsess over weight.

    Think about how you want to spend the rest of your life. Even if you get "thin enough" for one of these arranged marriages to come about, you will no doubt feel pressure every minute of every day to maintain that size, and that will lead to a lot of stress -- and even misery -- for you. I once met a woman at a party who was impeccably dressed and, very thin, etc. She had a handsome, similarly fit and well-groomed husband. It was back when I was single, and I was jealous -- they seemed to have it ALL! After they left the party, the party hostess confided that she was worried about the woman because her husband was extremely controlling -- that he made her weigh herself EVERY morning and tell him how much she weighed, and that if she went over a certain weight, he would freak out. All the envy I had immediately vanished, and I was grateful not to have to deal with that -- to be able to just be myself, and love myself, how I was/am. That, above all, is the most important thing. It's worth it to hold out for someone who is going to love you and appreciate you for who you are and what you look like.
    That is such an awful way to treat his lady. Wouldn't he leave her if she gained weight. I am happy with my body but my self-esteem used to erode away whenever someone talked about my weight. In Indian society, people openly suggest how many kilos/pounds you are suppose to lose and also give unasked for diet tips. Some of the sales people openly tell you that so and so clothes are available for your size even if you don't ask them. Its actually intentional so as to mock about your weight. Anyway, I believe Im an awesome person by heart and would like to help people who are in distress. Only a lucky guy would deserve me. All those out there who want only a girl's body are average guys no matter how muscular or hot-looking they are. They have got to know their manners on how to respect and treat women.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by LHGirl
    Yeah, Marilyn Monroe's size 12 is today's 6.

    However, in many stick-thin societies, Marilyn would be considered a much larger gal these days. In my last relationship, every single female on my ex's "side" (family, in-laws, etc.) was bone-stick-thin. Someone as large as Marilyn (or me) was considered very outcast, as I actually ate a full meal, lol.

    Even in my current social circle, it amazes me how these mid 50's to yes, 70's aged women are bone thin. I'm the largest woman by far, as I struggle with 10-15 lbs.

    One friend who was always a workout-a-holic has recently put on some weight, largely due to menopause and stress. She's upset about it and has brought it up to me, but I don't really notice. But recently, one of our other friends literally said to her "So why have you put on so much weight?". Unbelievable.
    People sometimes cross their limits about sensitive issues. People who don't help their pals need not boast about charity they are involved in. They say charity begins at home. In stead of criticizing, why cant people actually help is what I feel too. I have decided to help people who are in any distress and not mock or laugh at their pitiful state which I never did. I would like to teach the society the lesson that real heroes are those that make a change and not the artificial heroism in body shape. In my religion, it is said that god gave you this body to be healthy and to be a true human that would add value to the society and not just for showing off the body.

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  6. #25
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    It's too bad you feel this way. It takes on a life of it's own and you are making yourself miserable. Confirmation bias is the tendency to interpret new evidence as confirmation of one's existing beliefs or theories. It's very similar to the bitterness that causes people to think "all men want is sex" and "all women want is money". Of course these people will never see people for who they are, only the reflection of their own distortions. Perhaps therapy could help you focus less on this weight anxiety and focus more on meeting nice men.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by milly007
    As a woman, I can relate to the pressures of feeling like I have to look a certain way - at least, I used to think more so this way.

    I'm in my 30's now, but back in my teens and during a brief time in my 20's, I was very disciplined with my eating and exercise regime - to the point where it was completely unrealistic to maintain. And I was never big! I was just tall (at 5'10"), so I wanted to feel smaller since I always felt like I was towering over all of my friends. I was also of the view during this time that the supermodel figure was the ideal image.

    But now, I no longer feel this way!

    I eat healthy, I exercise, I'm in great shape, and I have curves. I love them! It's what makes me feel girly and feminine, and I'd never want to lose these curves.

    And I don't believe for a second that all men want women who are stick-thin. I honestly think that men are looking for healthy women. Some women can pull off a very thin look, where there are tons of women who look gorgeous with meat on their bones! There's no one size fits all.

    And I can assure you that there are men out there who are looking for what you have to offer in terms of your looks and physique! Just own and love what you have.

    Just take care of yourself, inside & out. Be healthy.

    The right man is out there for you. But please do not think that you have to look like a thin super model to attract a man - this is simply not true.

    I wish we could hear from some men on ENA with respect to this!
    Im with you girl hi5. I love being curvy too. Yes men should speak out too. Don't know how this supermodel culture started. All days are not the same. They say 'Every Cloud has a Silver Lining'. I personally don't believe in being like a supermodel. Im planning to take some time off on searching for the guy and gonna concentrate on searching myself deep within. This would help restore my self-esteem. There is a reason why there are animals of different sizes on earth-insects to elephants. They are all beautiful in their own way. It takes a lot of intelligence and wisdom to find the real beauty.

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