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Thread: my bestfriend left me, I need to make things right but im not sure what to do

  1. #1

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    my bestfriend left me, I need to make things right but im not sure what to do

    Hi I need a lot of help and my name is Martin, its not my real name; Id prefer to ask for help anonymously for the sole reason of being able to say whatever I need to. I made some unintentional mistakes and now my friend says that Ive ruined the friendship. That's the last thing I've heard from her... its been 4 months. let the film roll I guess.
    My bestfriend, I guess we'll call her Molly- were deeply close for 2 years. those two years started with us understanding eachother, and ended with her not understanding me. Molly and I were one soul separated by two bodies, we loved to explore our local neighborhood, we loved deep talks, we loved being ourselves with eachother, we hungout as often as possible, we ran away to NYC one night at 2am just for fun... we made life enjoyable despite our traumatic upbringings. one of those upbringings we shared was the loss of both of our fathers; hers at 6 mine at 3 years of age. another thing we have in common is that we were both lacking self awareness, conscious thought about being ourselves, and emotional intelligence at the same age. I believe that our similar upbringings are to blame for this. I also believe that our similar upbringings are what caused our separation. (Because of our lost Fathers we never had a significant male role in our lives; this led her to not understand boys/"men" and that turned into letting herself get tricked by them and raped as well. she still hasnt learned... the boy who raped her manipulated her into still being friends with him so that way she wouldnt tell anyone. she told me once while high on substances I will not address ( this lack of a male role in my life leaves me with the struggle of becoming a man). Molly and I used to lay down and embrace eachother for stress relief and sometimes for when she was worried about my health, sometimes in a sexual manner. We had studyhall together every other day and we always looked forward to it. In school I was shy and awkward but i never felt that way around her (because she was just as weird as me although she was more popular) I never really acknowledged how I truly felt about her, not even when I bought her a puppy to replace a long lost one she had just like the one I bought her.I drove from New York to Indiana In one whole day no stops on a school to get that puppy and I didn't occur. Not even when I promposed to her with the puppy. Not even when I went to prom with her. She realized that I loved her before I even realized. We used to go on motorcycle rides together on my bike, our first date was on that bike (I only know that because she said it). On our first date she really wanted to kiss me, she almost did but she was getting played by another tricky boy at the same time and he managed to strike emotion into her. We still had our first kiss, more on that later. I went to Italy after graduating highschool 5 months ago, I wrote her Postcards from there; the love letter kind (important for later). After I got back from Italy I got into a near death motorcycle accident, I broke my femur and lacerated my right kidney- which already had hydro nephrosis(, it made the pain worse and I couldnt stop bleeding from it). After experiencing the most brutal pain a human can feel (aside from giving childbirth) I thought that I would never experience a greater pain ever again. Molly kept me company in the ICU, we cuddled and we had our first kiss and many more after that there. she taught me how to kiss with passion. she made me feel better than the hydro morphone they administered to me via Iv every two hours. her affection did the little things for me and her spirit did the heavy lifting... she made me feel better, something that seemed impossible. That boy that was using Molly eventually found out after harrasing me into showing him mine and molly's very personal photos of us showing eachother affection in the hospital. he did this by accusing (harrasing) me of assaulting Molly to which i replied by sending photos of us cuddling to prove his claim wrong. This made Molly very Very upset and her upsetness' then turned into anger. She got so angry that she gave me my postcards I sent her from Italy and our prom Polaroids torn to bits as a farewell present. That's the last time I saw her.

    Since then, I've learned that what she did to me has the same effect as a loved one passing away psychologically, because she blocked me on everything. Things have changed since then with myself. I don't care about my feelings and feeling sorry for myself, that never worked for anyone. Instead i listen to my feelings and let them tell me how to grow. I can control my depression on command, I realize more and more everyday that i am my own father, I see manhood in my future... which is surprising for me (especially because most male individuals stay a child their whole life in today's world) I can finally focus after living my whole life an ADD child. Another thing I can do Is go to Molly's front door, knock on it firmly and hope she answers the door. when she does come to the door Ill be able to stay completely calm and apologize as well as ask for forgiveness and show her that I forgive her. if shes in a stubborn mood I could always tell her that she doesn't have to forgive me instantly. If she starts going off i'll stay calm and listen. more specifically I think I should tell her that I'm sorry, that just because what I caused wasn't my intention doesn't mean what happened is not wrong. Knowing this is the foundation for forgiving her (really) which i do and i have to wonder if she'll forgive me. I at least have to try, not trying is an automatic failure that turns into lifelong regret. I'm going to confront her soon no matter who tries to talk me out of it, and so i need the best advice for that. does what I have written above seem like an OK way to confront her? if you have any insights, please help me via those ideas you have. I want to be friends with her again even if it means being friends with her forever and I honestly feel I need any help with this situation but I don't want to mess it up, thank you for reading this far... everything written above was written all at once because my fingers wouldn't stop typing. they still wont because this writing encapsulates around 4 months of unexpressed inner conflict. for 4 months my mind has been trapped in a dark room, and my mind still bloomed with no sunlight... my mind taught itself that dark rooms are only dark because human sight is only capable of sensing 0.0035% of visual reality (EM spectrum); the color and light is hidden in reality as it was in myself (this statement and the previous is meant to resonate as a metaphor even though it touches reality in many ways). I'm at ease with the past present and future because of my growth and now I'm ready to take on challenges like the ones I've experienced. I really hoped you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing this and thank you, for your time.

    Hoping for the best, preparing for the worst, Martin.
    Last edited by Anonmanchild; 11-19-2018 at 02:57 PM.

  2. #2
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    Oh, boy. Martin, are you getting treatment for your ADD and your depression? I feel a lot of what you felt and went through might have been caused by your psychological state. As for Molly, she seems to pick the wrong boys to hang out with, and if she was indeed raped, she may be suffering from trauma as well.

    I would probably advise you that instead of "confronting" Molly, you should concentrate on yourself by continuing your therapy. I think you and Molly be two broken individuals and it may not be the best thing for you two to be together.

  3. #3
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    Molly seems like she has some issues. She has a nice willing guy to be with yet chooses to defend the boy who treats her like crap? Ends your friendship over it? How did he even know about you and get your number if not for Molly? It sounds like she's confused about what she wants and was playing you against him in order to evoke his jealousy or attention or something. Then she's upset you showed him evidence of her canoodling with you because it blew her cover? To me it sounds like she's upset because she wanted that other guy...

    Honestly, I don't think it's you who owes Molly any kind of apology or explanation that wasn't already given. She threw out years of a close friendship/quasi relationship over this?

    I know you said you're going to confront her and no one can talk you out of it, but I honestly think you need to give this more time off. Let her come to her senses, if she ever does, and focus your energy on healing emotionally, mentally, and physically. If she has you blocked everywhere she doesn't sound mature enough for a proper conversation, anyway, and you risk looking like you're harassing her if you just show up on her doorstep.

  4. #4
    Member honkytonk's Avatar
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    Ya i agree let her be for now. Send her a friendly message on fb or text or card. But let her think things over . you are both growing up and shes growing in a different direction right now. Just keep the good memories.

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