Player Ex

Hi everyone!

I need help on how to let go and move on.

I have dated this guy for 10 montha LDR, because I have to work abroad. We met before I left and stayed with him for 3 days. Now during the course of our relationship, I have been helping him out financialy (as he said he needed for emergency) he wasn't asking but telling me his problem, so the stupid me will send him. This has been going on, we have several fights coz there were times he won't answer the phone, no calls or texts. I'm suspecting that he is with someone, but he always have an alibi.

Then July came, I ended my contract abroad and went home. I'm 4 hours travel time from him. So we don't see each other often, not much actually, only 6 times, and for that time, only half a day. We argued, same argument, coz before I can stay in their house. Now, we book hotels everytime. He always have an alibi. And i keep taking it.

We were not friends in social media, we argued, another alibi, we reconciled. I couldn't just let him go because we made plans, I invested a big amount of money for the business he wants to start. So, I kept ignoring the red flags.

Then, a day ago, someone message me, using his account, telling me have a baby, it was early in the morning. I read it once I woke up but the pictures were deleted, so I didnt got to see it. We argued, I asked him what is it all about, he gave me an alibi that it was his cousin. I asked him who was this cousin, cause he told me who's who in his family. He cannot answer me, and very much defensive and of course, the alibi. I was really tired of thinking so I let it pass.

Then, the next morning again, there it is, the message, the photos, the instagram account of the woman. I was so shocked, I verified the account. The baby was just born this October, so I guess she was a relationship before me. Because we only started January. I tried calling the sender but no answer. I didn't text anymore. I have nothing more to ask or say. Clearly, I was played, scammed for money.

He never contacted me after that but I know he saw thw messages and photos coz it was deleted afterwards and I can see he went online offline. I talked to his friend, who was also abroad. He said he doesnt know about it, but I should stop already. It is clear as a day. I agreed with him. But I can't stop crying, my time, effort, money was wasted.

His friend contacted me last night, coz my ex told him to tell me, I'm not his mistress, and he will talk to me once he solve his issues. His friend told him not to bother me anymore.

I thanked his friend and told him I will uninstall IMO, and block him from my contacts. I don't want any of his BS anymore. He never loved me, he wasted my time and everything.

I didn't got to sleep well last night, I'm physically and emotionally tired. I just want this pain to go away. To remove him from my memories. Please if anyone can help me, I will most appreciate it.

Well, I'm sorry this happened to you. It's going to hurt for a while. What you need to do is warn other people about the dangers of long distance and online relationships and also not to give money to relative strangers. Also hang out with your friends and family, and try to get your frustration out through exercise. Try clearing your mind by getting outside in the sun and walking through nature. Do fun things that will take your mind off of this. Go to movies and concerts, plays and other events. Don't sit in your room. Get out where there's people. Throw yourself into work and any hobbies you have. Little by little, the pain will lessen. And hopefully you will find someone worthy of your trust and love.

DO NOT GIVE ANY MORE MONEY TO MEN! Giving money to someone you had seen three times. That is nuts!

Your 'relationship' has been toxic from the start. This guy used you as a wallet. Why did you do this? He clearly used you.

You seriously need to address why you would invest so much emotionally and financially in a stranger. have you considered counseling? Your self worth is non existent..

Thank you for the advice. I still don't have energy to do anything. I'm scared to go out and embarras myself. I have friends who support me but I know they can get tired of my complains. I'm working in the morning and it clearly affected my work, I can't focus. I just kept remembering how stupid I was.

There was always an emergency. And seriously, I asked myself that too. It was my first time giving a guy money. I know I have been stupid. That strong independent woman was not existing anymore. I trusted too much.

Do not ever give men money, unless you are married. I would not even give a bf money. His problems are not yours. People should not be asking for money, most especially someone you do not know. It is a huge red flag.

I am serious, you need to address why you would allow yourself to get into this situation.

How old are you?

Learn from this.

Are you in a place of desperation for a bf? Do you usually choose these types of guys?

How much money did you give him?

I'm 31. To tell you honestly, this was my first time to act like this to a guy. I never helped any of my exes when it comes to money. But this one, I gave it a chance, since I am able to help, and as it was an emergency. Too late for me for everything. Only to find out he spent it to the other woman, whom he met before me, and he got pregnant. I have met some of his family and his friends, so I was assured. Hearing this from you made me cry. I was never desperate for love, from all the guys who asked to date me, I dated a player instead.

I gave him more than enough.

I wouldn't say he was a player, but a user and piece of sh*t.

He used you for money. Period. He is a piece of garbage.

I'm sorry, I made you cry, but you must you need to focus on why you got into this situation. You did not know this man, and you were freely giving him money.

By focusing on his as being a user/loser, takes away your responsibility in this.

What do your friends and family say?

Did he have a job?

Yes, you are right. I trusted him too much. Even his friend whom I got closed got mad at me, it was too late for everything. I don't want to chase after the money anymore. I just want to forget my stupidity.

Just learn from this. The money is gone.

I never told my family, they thought of me as this strong independent woman. I don't want to disappoint them, that I have done the most stupid thing in my life. He have a job but knowing he already have responsibility, I doubt if he will return my investment money. I blocked him before he can reach out to me. My friends was so mad and wanted me to report it as scammed money. But as I have said, I don't want anymore issues. Right now, I want to get out from this nightmare.

But, you handed the money over to him. Did he sign a promissory note? If not, then nothing illegal happened. it is an expensive lesson.

I'm confused. You said the money was for emergencies, but you also said it was a business investment?

No note. That is why I don't want to chase after him. I've lost it even before I report it. Although I didnt tried to talk to him first before assuming this. He already showed me his true color, so I better stick to my assumption.

I gave him money for emergency. But we talked also for an investment, at first it was discussed that we put it in paper and in percentage, but he then changed his mind. I never got the chance to see him again since I got busy also. I told you, I was really stupid, the red flag was right in front of me.

You have recognized your mistake. Now, you move on. This is your best revenge.

No more money, unless someone is family. And only local relationships, no more long distance or electronic relationships. Pay attention and act on red flags.

Stop beating yourself up. Live your life, and be happy.

This is the hard part. Moving on. Maybe because this was still fresh. I have been holding my tears everytime it crossed my mind. I have never wronged anyone and never hurt anyone. But I still get to experience this.

Thank you Hollyj. Venting this out really helped me.

I have a lot of faith that you will be okay, and will move on from this quickly.

Please, do not allow this creep to affect your ability to trust other men. Most are not like this, you must simply be discerning.

I, too, don't want to get stuck on this situation. All I want now is to forget everything, everything that has happened. I can earn the money, but I don't think I will be able to trust again. I guess, relationship is not my forte and it's better to leave it behind.

Lastly, don't date for awhile. Work through this situation, as you are in no position to date. Get to a healthy place. Enjoy your family and friends and get to a better place.

Thank you again. I hope I will be there soon.

I, too, don't want to get stuck on this situation. All I want now is to forget everything, everything that has happened. I can earn the money, but I don't think I will be able to trust again. I guess, relationship is not my forte and it's better to leave it behind.

Nope! YOU can find a good guy, but YOU have to make better choices. Remember, you chose to ignore many red flags. If you learn from this, you will find a good guy. You were 50% of this situation, this is why I asked if you were desperate to have someone in your life.

Please seek some counseling. I also recommend baggagereclaim.com. Great site. it helped me understand why I got into the relationship I was in. I choose to ignore the red flags, and dated someone who was completely inappropriate. Today, I am grateful for that situation (very painful) as it helped me understand many things about myself. It was my epiphany, and was life changing. My life has totally changed for the positive. i am not the person I was, nor is my life. Much happier and fulfilling.

I would try to check out the site. For counseling, maybe later on. I have to get back on my feet right now. I'm not closing my door BUT I want to focus on my self first. As you have said before, I do not have self worth. I guess, I have to find me first.

I envy you, you're in a better place now.