Caught partner on dating apps and I am 6 months pregnant

So the title says it all pretty much.

My S/O and I have been together about 6 years and already have a 9 month old. I got pregnant 3 and a half months postpartum so it was quite the shock.

He has never given me reason to doubt him and I did feel I completely trusted him. He's usually pretty open with me and respectful.

Well I was away with our 9 month old visiting family out of town last week and when I returned I went on his phone. I use his phone constantly because mine broke awhile back and I'm waiting til black Friday to get a new one lol. So I can see all his texts emails history etc. I discovered last night he was on Tinder. Plenty of fish. And another dating site. Sometime between when I left and came back.

Of course I am hurt. He instantly was apologizing saying he would never go on it again, he loves me, he wants only me etc but I wasn't born yesterday. He tried using the explanation that he was curious and some BS but let's be honest he was on there looking to flirt and chat with other women.. Or worst.

Again cheating hasn't been an issue so far and this is the first instance I've caught him but I feel very vulnerable I am pregnant with his baby and we have another baby, I am living in his city away from My family and friends. And on top of this he's just like two people lately. He is very bossy and mean at times he criticizes all I do with our son despite me being the main caregiver, disrespects my opinions and is just plain mean sometimes. I always end up upset and a few days ago he was saying how he needs to change and he wants to be a better person and yet now this... That it seemed he was on these sites literally as he was saying this to me while I was away.

I'm. Just torn and need advice. I don't feel good about this and I'm not happy at all but given my circumstances with two babies and a modest savings I don't know what I'd do without him. He is a great and very involved dad but his treatment of me is not what I want for myself longterm and this is the icing on the cake.

That's bullsh$t. I am so sorry!

He was looking for some outside activity. Have you considered counseling?

Go seek out couples counseling. Sounds like he's feeling trapped, unsure about his future, and having anxiety about it. Counseling will help him sort out these emotions he's having and help you understand what's going on with him. Once that's taken care of, you two can work things out together with proper communication.

First of all, I’m so sorry you have had to deal with this. I’ve had it done to myself and it is extremely painful. I know. You are the only person who knows your relationship and whether or not you can both learn from this mistake and move forward. It sounds like he isn’t excusing his actions which is good. It was tacky and weak of him to act on his feelings. I know the first reaction would be, he shouldn’t do it in the first place though only you know if you can grow from this as a couple and please talk to him and tell him how you feel. You deserve the best and now his actions should speak louder than his words. Sending hugs and I know how lonely it can be. You’ll be fine x

Yes. Relationship counseling.

I hate to say this... but your relationship is on it’s very last threads. He’s checking out. Whether that’s because he’s freaking out, or he’s just not happy, or he wants something different, etc. - but... he really needs to be able to get to a place where he can communicate. To be fair, he may not be sure himself what’s going on.

I really think this is where counseling would be very helpful. You are both going through a lot of changes right now with the babies, etc. Your whole lifestyle is changing. It’s not easy.

I really would not recommend just sweeping this all under the rug and forgiving him out of a place of fear. This is the type of thing that people hold onto resentments about for years.

A relationship counselor can help you both figure out what’s going on and help guide you on a healthy path - whether that’s ultimately together or apart.

Why have you two never married?

I'm asking because I'm wondering if he's always had this one foot out the door mentality.

I'd bet my next paycheck that this wasn't the first time he's been on these apps. And it won't be the last.

I realize you have a baby, plus one on the way, but don't live your life with one eye open.

Do you have friends or family you can stay with while you figure out how to delete this app of a lying loser out of your life?

Let me take a guess....the first pregnancy wasn't planned, and obviously this one was either....ya I don't blame him for freaking out.

Let me take a guess....the first pregnancy wasn't planned, and obviously this one was either....ya I don't blame him for freaking out.

Well...he could have worn a condom.

Sorry to hear this. Is this the first time you've caught him or suspected he's running around? Being bored or curious is not a reason to try to hook up the minute you're away and he sees an opportunity.

His hot/cold behavior is either abusive or indicative of affairs and probably both. Obviously, having a baby and one on the way is no excuse for "freaking out" and being abusive and cheating. Unfortunately you seem dependent on him and want to turn a blind eye and just be "hurt". Has there been a lot of arguing about this?

I have been together about 6 years and already have a 9 month old. I discovered last night he was on Tinder. Plenty of fish. And another dating site. Sometime between when I left and came back.

 

He is very bossy and mean at times he criticizes all I do with our son despite me being the main caregiver, disrespects my opinions and is just plain mean sometimes. two babies and a modest savings I don't know what I'd do without him.

Sooo yes I do think everyone can benefit from counselling but I could care less if this baby is freaking him out. I have the exact stress he does and more. It doesn't justify his stupid behavior.

And as for the baby being unplanned.. He full well knew I was not on birth control and I was breastfeeding. We were using withdrawal method and there were more than a few times I don't think he was pulling out in time.. So I could care less how he feels.

He is saying he wants us to work it out and doesn't want anyone but me etc. I feel very blank. I feel sort of checked out in a way. But at this point I'm. Not positive I want to end the relationship. I'm holding on to see where it takes me.. It's in my best interest at this point as well. His family provides us much help and support meanwhile my family not so much.

And as for us not being married.. We've talked about it and he is the one who said he would like to (ha) but no he has not proposed and I expressed to him I dont wish to get married. Marriage is not something I value and I don't think I will ever marry. That is my personal choice.

It's understandable that you hope to work it out given the situation with the kids and being dependent on him, his family, etc. It's normal to feel numb after cheating is discovered.

It's also normal for him to claim it "was a mistake" and want to "make things work". Keep in mind that does not mean he will stop being on multiple dating apps or cheating. He has learned his lesson that he needs to be more discrete and that you'll turn a blind eye as long as it's not in your face.

He is saying he wants us to work it out and doesn't want anyone but me etc. I feel very blank. I feel sort of checked out in a way. His family provides us much help and support meanwhile my family not so much.