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Thread: Advice - Initiating a Period of "Space" & NC

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by ninjabib
    It's not your problem but its not selfish it's just unfortunate she hasn't tackled her issues earlier. No one's fault just one of those things. I feel bad for anyone with mental health issues. Hopefully she gets it sorted and feels better soon. I also hope you feel ok about things soon too.
    Thanks Ninja. I think itís been building inside her for a while now. Certainly the last 2 months. Thereís a lot of complexities & self loathing thatís reared itís head over the past week (since I initiated the space). Yesterday we both agreed that I was right in my assessment that she needs to focus on herself.

    I certainly am struggling to deal with walking away from the problem, but then there is literally nothing I can do. Mental Health is such a complicated issue.

    Time will be the healer for her I believe. I just hope she gets the help she promised herself.

  2. #22
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    Yes this is something that you could not cure for her. She needed professional help and now she's getting it.

  3. #23
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    A partner or ex with mental health issues is never easy. Itís draining and I my experience they have a tendency to turn it all around on you. You being the problem the cause etc

    If what Iíve read is correct her accepting she needs help is a massive leap in the right direction. The hardest part of mental health issues is the person dealing with it accepting something isnít right. Seeking out help is a scary time and itís great he is now doing so.

    From your side is a very hard situation. You want to be there for her but this is something she needs to tackle on her own. Hopefully she has friends/family she can lean on?

    As is the norm just try to concentrate on yourself. Build on areas and take time to heal. Stay strong and remember with mental health itís a very slippery slope that hardly anyone knows how to deal with it when a loved one is suffering

  4. #24
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    What Monkeynuts said is 100% right, it took me 12 months of fighting my MH issues before seeking help. I guess i just didnt want to accept what was happening to me. Shes probably been the same and now doing the right thing. The way you handled it too i think she will look back on you in a very favourable light when the dust is settled even if not for reconciliation.

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by monkeynuts
    A partner or ex with mental health issues is never easy. Itís draining and I my experience they have a tendency to turn it all around on you. You being the problem the cause etc

    If what Iíve read is correct her accepting she needs help is a massive leap in the right direction. The hardest part of mental health issues is the person dealing with it accepting something isnít right. Seeking out help is a scary time and itís great he is now doing so.

    From your side is a very hard situation. You want to be there for her but this is something she needs to tackle on her own. Hopefully she has friends/family she can lean on?

    As is the norm just try to concentrate on yourself. Build on areas and take time to heal. Stay strong and remember with mental health itís a very slippery slope that hardly anyone knows how to deal with it when a loved one is suffering
    Thanks Monkey & Ninja (again - it's much appreciated). I found real comfort in your post.

    She first started raising her issues at the start of last month and flippantly said that she should see a mental health professional. I was 100% positive about it, as I've a number of family members who've benefited. I'm a big advocate of talking about problems, so encouraged her to reach out and get help. She didn't act on it then, which then proceeded the month long strain on our relationship with limited contact, texts being ignored for hours and general radio silence. I never chased her, as I truly believed she'd get in touch when she wanted to and that time and "space" would aid her.

    When we spoke on Sunday, see seemed like she'd made the realisation that she needed help. This was reaffirmed by her parents, sister and grandmother & I take solace in the fact that she now lives at home with an extremely supportive family network around her (albeit they have history in mental illness also).

    If I'm honest with myself, I don't think I could have approached it any other way. I was concerned that I was coming off needy calling her, but as we set no real boundaries when I offered her "space" on Monday I need clarity on the situation. The confusion from her wanting "space" rather than the break up that I intended threw me and I wasn't handling the level of unknowing particularity well. Knowing what I know now and the effect it had on her over the past week, I'm glad I got back in touch.

    It's tough knowing she's going through this, but now she agrees with me that she needs to do this alone I can at least step away knowing that this it's her decision. She noted that it will be a slippery slop and she's not at the end of it yet. I've left the lines of communication open to her if she needs them as I do genuinely want to be there for her - I just need get comfortable that I've done whats best for her and ultimately me.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by ninjabib
    What Monkeynuts said is 100% right, it took me 12 months of fighting my MH issues before seeking help. I guess i just didnt want to accept what was happening to me. Shes probably been the same and now doing the right thing. The way you handled it too i think she will look back on you in a very favourable light when the dust is settled even if not for reconciliation.
    Thanks Ninja,

    I think you're right, i believe she's been struggling with this for a a while - certainly since I've known her. She never gave that impression, but ever since she started working in an environment that is so toxic (verbally abused on a daily basis by children who suffer from Autism) it's triggered a lot of things. She even admitted that following her incident on Friday, they (her and her mum) went into details of things that she'd kept buried for along time that pre-date me. I, of course, didn't ask.

    I do hope she looks back at my actions in a favorable light, time will tell.

  8. #27
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    I see nothng she can use against you. You have been more than fair, well done :)

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by ninjabib
    I see nothng she can use against you. You have been more than fair, well done :)
    Thanks Ninja. you're posts this past week have really helped.

  10. #29
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    No problem. I have been there on the other side as i say. I wish my ex had handled it as well as you did. If she had down the line we may have been able to be friends. You handled this siutation very maturely.

  11. #30
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    Trouble is those of us who watch people go through it just aren’t equipped or understand how to deal with it.

    Apart from being there there is nothing we can do on our own. It usually something that triggers it. In my ex it was gaining a new high profile job which carried a lot of stress.

    It’s not easy walking away from someone you love. All you can do is take some solace that your paths may cross again in the future.

    Look after yourself, it’s repeated enough on these forums and it’s hard to do. But breakups can effect your own mental health in different manners. Just take each day as they come and try remain positive

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