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Thread: Advice - Initiating a Period of "Space" & NC

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Sorry this is happening. How did you meet? How did it become or why is it a LDR? Unfortunately LDRs are stressful in themselves. It sounds like she wants to end it and is using the "busy", "confused", "stressed" exit plan.

    Is there someone else locally? Does needing "space" even make sense to you when because of the LDR you barely see each other anyway? Do not contact her. Let her reach out. But consider this to be a breakup, not temporary "space".
    Thanks Wiseman.

    It's now a 100% break up.

    I agreed, "space" is what she needs but in LDR how much more can there be? Turns out ALOT based on her mental health issues that have now recently surfaced. If there was someone else, she's an impressive actress based on the conversation I just had with her. I chose to reach out to her because I felt self induced NC wasn't the right cause of action - which turned out to be right.

  2. #12
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    Sorry to hera that but i think you have done the right thing. LDR can be very draining in itself even if theres no real problem between the couple and when you add in mental health etc then surely its only a matter of time before you split up or start to resent one another.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by ninjabib
    Sorry to hera that but i think you have done the right thing. LDR can be very draining in itself even if theres no real problem between the couple and when you add in mental health etc then surely its only a matter of time before you split up or start to resent one another.
    I think I know weíve come to the right conclusion. Her mental health admission today really bought it home that this is something I canít help her with - without having a detrimental effect on my own wellbeing. Whilst I feel a certain amount of guilt (as I feel like Iím running away from her problems), itís not my problem to fix. She firmed up and asked for space so thatís what Iíve got to give her. Back to NC it is.

    We ended it amicably; even suggesting we could meet up when sheís better - but thatís a long way off and not something Iím considering right now. We are part of a Wedding next May (mutual friends who we met through) as well

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by askltk
    I think I know weíve come to the right conclusion. Her mental health admission today really bought it home that this is something I canít help her with - without having a detrimental effect on my own wellbeing. Whilst I feel a certain amount of guilt (as I feel like Iím running away from her problems), itís not my problem to fix. She firmed up and asked for space so thatís what Iíve got to give her. Back to NC it is.

    We ended it amicably; even suggesting we could meet up when sheís better - but thatís a long way off and not something Iím considering right now. We are part of a Wedding next May (mutual friends who we met through) as well
    At least it's ended amicably and who knows far down the line when she is better and maybe logistics have changed for the better but for now i would focus on living your life. Don't let the guilt take over you. Shes already said she knows she needs to be fixed before she can hold a successful relationship. I think you are giving each other what you both needed.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by ninjabib
    At least it's ended amicably and who knows far down the line when she is better and maybe logistics have changed for the better but for now i would focus on living your life. Don't let the guilt take over you. Shes already said she knows she needs to be fixed before she can hold a successful relationship. I think you are giving each other what you both needed.
    If I'm honest, the hard time I'm having is trying to accept that my impact on her current state of mind is minimal and there wasn't anything more I could do.

    Whilst I wasn't as strong as I would have liked on the phone (suggested if she needed me I'd help), I know that breaking NC was the correct thing to do to provide us with closure.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by askltk
    If I'm honest, the hard time I'm having is trying to accept that my impact on her current state of mind is minimal and there wasn't anything more I could do.

    Whilst I wasn't as strong as I would have liked on the phone (suggested if she needed me I'd help), I know that breaking NC was the correct thing to do to provide us with closure.

    Thats natural but if i recall you mentioned she already had these problems so you just need to accept that truth.

    Be careful about how much help you are in that she may use you as an emotional sponge if she starts seeing other guys on any level. If you are sure its over though and happy to remian just friends then of course help as much as you wish.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by ninjabib
    Thats natural but if i recall you mentioned she already had these problems so you just need to accept that truth.

    Be careful about how much help you are in that she may use you as an emotional sponge if she starts seeing other guys on any level. If you are sure its over though and happy to remian just friends then of course help as much as you wish.
    Yes, these problems are very much prior to our relationship . I need to accept that this is very much her fight.

    I'm actually regretting saying I'd be there now, so will likely not be speaking to her again unless she reaches out. Looking back on it today, I gave a-lot up emotionally which I now perceive as weakness on my part and should of left well alone. I didn't cry / beg or anything, but offering her my help if she needed it and telling her I cared about her makes me sound needy.

  9. #18
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    Whats said is said. I wouldn't linger too much on that just remember your boundaries if she starts getting too much.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by ninjabib
    Whats said is said. I wouldn't linger too much on that just remember your boundaries if she starts getting too much.
    Indeed. I meant what I said, more out of empathy for her situation and potential support. Sheís in a horrible place right now, but selfishly itís not my problem.

  11. #20
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    It's not your problem but its not selfish it's just unfortunate she hasn't tackled her issues earlier. No one's fault just one of those things. I feel bad for anyone with mental health issues. Hopefully she gets it sorted and feels better soon. I also hope you feel ok about things soon too.

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