Not Sure How to Process What I’m Feeling

Hello everyone!!

 

This is gonna be fairly short, but I just needed to let this out and maybe you guys can help me process and figure out why the heck I’m feeling this way.

 

There was a guy I used to talk to a lot. We moved pretty fast and flirted a lot, but only in individual messages. Never in the group chat where our other friends could see.

 

After a while I suggested we meet since we’re only 3 hours from each other but he declined and said since both of us are moving towards our careers and graduating that trying to make something long distance work just wasn’t something he could do and I agreed so we sort of stopped talking because getting closer and closer for no reason would have been pointless.

 

Fast forward a bit, I started talking to an old guy friend and we sort of picked up where we left off and this guy is older than me (which is a first), has a career, and is someone I could see myself with long term. I feel safe and happy with him and I’m not really having any doubts other than this is very new for me.

 

Anyway, the first guy has started talking to another girl in our group and they openly flirt and he sends her hearts and says he loves her even though she’s farther away and he said he has no intention of dating her, but I’ve noticed that I feel slightly...jealous?

 

I don’t even know if that’s the feeling. It’s a weird gut feeling every time they flirt in the chat and I’m wondering if it’s because it felt like he was sort of hiding his feelings towards me and he’s openly flirting with this girl?

 

I don’t have any feelings for him because we honestly had a falling out and I found he wasn’t the guy I thought he was. But I’m just not sure what the heck is going on and why I’m feeling this way about them flirting.

 

It’s annoying because there’s no reason behind it.

 

What do you guys think?

I think maybe you feel annoyed. He hid your flirting from everyone and yet is openly flirting with someone in perhaps a way you wished, at the time, he would have done with you.

It might be a bit of jealously but not about him as such, but about the way things could have been for you two.

Both I feel are healthy feelings because at one point, you saw more of a future together. Dont let it bother you too much, its good to have recognised the feelings. Just process them and move forward.

Well, I can give you a scientific explanation. Humans have two brains, the reptilian brain and the mammalian brain. And the reptilian brain does all the autonomic stuff that we don't even think about, such as breathing, and blinking, and so forth. The mammalian brain handles higher functions such as thinking and problem solving. And the two brains can be at odds with each other.

 

The reptilian brain has a lot of emotions that we find negative. Emotions such as hate, anger, envy, jealousy, sadness, and guilt. The mammalian brain has emotions we feel are positive, such as love, charity, empathy, kindness, happiness, playfulness and so on. And the two brains are constantly at war with each other.

 

Some people think this is the basis for the Christian philosophy of evil coming from the Devil and goodness coming from God. You have the Devil with a pitchfork on your shoulder telling you to do bad things, and an angel on the other shoulder with a harp telling you to do the noble thing. It's really the reptilian brain telling you do to one thing and the mammalian brain telling you to do another.

 

An example might be you see a wallet on the ground. Your reptilian brain tells you to pick it up, take the money out of it and keep it. Your mammalian brain tells you to pick it up and turn it in to security because you think about the poor person who lost their wallet. Another example is you feel hungry. Your reptilian brain tells you to get food. Your mammalian brain now starts to work on the problem of how are you going to get food. Are you going to make it, buy it or go out to eat?

 

It even filters down to our love lives. You see a girl or a guy you like. Your reptilian brain tells you to go have sex with them any way you can. Your mammalian brain tells you to go talk to them, find out what they're like, see if there's a spark, and so on.

 

So in your situation, sometimes we just can't control the negative thoughts that pop up during our day. Your mammalian brain tells you that you don't want to have anything to do with this Don Juan, but your reptilian brain still feels a bit of anger, jealousy and envy over this guy flirting with another girl. How could he?

 

We're constantly battling our courser, baser feelings. Hopefully your mammalian brain can overcome the feelings of your reptilian brain and can push those negative thoughts aside.

I don’t have any feelings for him because we honestly had a falling out and I found he wasn’t the guy I thought he was. But I’m just not sure what the heck is going on and why I’m feeling this way about them flirting.

It's just your ego being an pain in the butt. Tell it to be quiet and get on with enjoying the safe and happy feelings of contentment that your boyfriend brings out it you... it is a gift that he shows you that he values you. The flirter is just a flirter who enjoys the attention but has zero intentions of ever being serious with anyone if he can't do a long distance relationship but continues to engage himself superficially with chickas far away. pffft.

It's normal to feel this. He wasn't that interested and used the distance thing as the reason. Now you've both moved on. Enjoy the other guy and chalk this up to "didn't pan out".

You may want to consider it flattery that he's 'acting out' in a place where he knows you'll see it.

 

It's likely that there was something about you that intimidated the guy. You were discreet, mature and have a lot going for you. He opted out of meeting you for reasons you don't really know, and I'd wager it's because there was something about you that he believed he couldn't match. So he never rejected 'you,' because he never even met you. He chickened out, instead.

 

So now he's trying to build himself back up by taking up with someone who's less 'you' with whom he feels more comfortable. Since he feels lousy about himself, he can't resist rubbing your nose in the new interest.

 

If he was really 'all that,' he would be using the same discretion that you both upheld, and he'd be conducting his new business in private. Instead, he feels that he has something to prove to you.

 

I'd have a chuckle and 'oh well' this. I'd consider how important this particular online group 'must' be to you, or whether you may have outgrown it, anyway.

 

Head high. Things are not always as they appear--especially online.