Long term partner is getting nastier by the day

Hello. Long story which I'll keep nice and short. Basically, been together with my partner for 20+ years. In that time, she has cheated but we got back together, everyone said it was a mistake but I so wanted it to work. Anyway, after 18 months or so of bad luck, she is getting nastier by the day. Examples are outright nasty comments about my family (in front of me and behind my back but within earshot of our eldest child), stroppy tantrums (the sort that a teenager would cringe about), general disinterest in anything that I'm worried/concerned about, simply saying 'don't be stupid' or denying that it is so and also being critical of anyone/everyone else! In fact, the only people that she doesn't critise is her own family who aren't exactly shining examples of normality!

I am done, for a long while I have ignored or made excuses for her behaviour but I cannot do this anymore. Does this sound like emotional abuse or is it simply a relationship gone wrong?

I am far from perfect but my biggest 'fault' is working too much in order to bring home money to give us a good standard of life. She hardly works and seems to have lost touch with 'real life', seemingly unable to realise the levels of money it takes to sustain our lifestyle (not luxurious by any standards) is far in excess of what she earns, thus why I have to do what I do.

Why do you stay with her? what are the good points? You've let out a big rant but it's hard to judge her character when everything she has done wrong is laid out, but nothing she did to win you in the first place or to keep you now. You've given no reason to stay mate.

When they start treating you with contempt then they are detaching and preparing to live life without you. I would beat her to the punch. It doesn’t get better. Been there done that after 24 years my ex wife did the exact same thing, turned out she was already seeing someone else. I wasted way too much time waiting for her blah blah...

People gave you good advice in your previous thread a week ago:

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=555397

You even said the advice was "excellent".

Has something changed in the past week? Are you looking for different advice? Because from what I see, the advice you got a week ago still stands.

Do you WANT to stay in this relationship?

The advice from last week was indeed excellent, as is the replies that I have been given today so far. The question for me now is not so much if it is worth staying, I'm 99% sure on that now. I am simply trying to see if her behaviour is symptomatic of known behavioural issues such as emotional abuse or that of a socialpath or whether the relationship has simply gone bad and this behaviour is normal. All advice is very much appreciated.

It doesn't matter why someone treats us poorly unless we are looking for an excuse to stay. The fact is, she does treat you poorly and doesn't seem to want to stop or change.

All that matters is whether you want to stay and keep taking this treatment for some reason, or if you have had enough and are ready to leave. It's 100% up to you what you can put up with, or if you even want to.

I wouldn't, but I'm not you.

The advice from last week was indeed excellent, as is the replies that I have been given today so far. The question for me now is not so much if it is worth staying, I'm 99% sure on that now. I am simply trying to see if her behaviour is symptomatic of known behavioural issues such as emotional abuse or that of a socialpath or whether the relationship has simply gone bad and this behaviour is normal. All advice is very much appreciated.

What does it matter what her reaction to you is symptomatic of? The point is, you feel emotionally abused and therefore you need to get yourselves to a marriage counselor (what you should have done when she first cheated if you were going to stay with her) or you leave the relationship and give your poor children a respite from the bickering dysfunction and yourself a chance to heal and come to terms with your own issues. Her: Well, she's got to figure out why she stays with you as well when she clearly is not happy.

She resents you for something. Its high time you make up your minds to try and make your marriage a good one (through help of a professional) or you call an end to the BS.

The advice from last week was indeed excellent, as is the replies that I have been given today so far. The question for me now is not so much if it is worth staying, I'm 99% sure on that now. I am simply trying to see if her behaviour is symptomatic of known behavioural issues such as emotional abuse or that of a socialpath or whether the relationship has simply gone bad and this behaviour is normal. All advice is very much appreciated.

How would we know?

Amateur diagnosing her and making her out to be the monster of your story is not only unrealistic but says much more about you and your coping skills than who she actually is.

If you want out get out. She doesn’t have to be a monster for you to leave. If you’re unhappy, do what’s best for you and leave.

You want to stay and believe you’re a victim it’s going to be a rough ride, sure strangers telling you she’s a bad bad woman feels good but that feeling is incredibly fleeting, as evidenced by your subsequent post.

The advice from last week was indeed excellent, as is the replies that I have been given today so far. The question for me now is not so much if it is worth staying, I'm 99% sure on that now. I am simply trying to see if her behaviour is symptomatic of known behavioural issues such as emotional abuse or that of a socialpath or whether the relationship has simply gone bad and this behaviour is normal. All advice is very much appreciated.

You are trying to excuse bad behavior. Stop playing psychologist .

Your wife is emotionally abusive and treats you like crap! She is also affecting the well being of your child.

You should have ended this a long time ago!

I am simply trying to see if her behaviour is symptomatic of known behavioural issues such as emotional abuse or that of a socialpath or whether the relationship has simply gone bad and this behaviour is normal. All advice is very much appreciated.

Sure, I'll say it's emotional abuse. But you've said in your previous post this has gone on for as long as 15 years! And it seems she was somewhat like this when you married her. So all of this shouldn't be a surprise.

I will say that at about the 20-year mark a lot of marriages tend to break up because or partner can't take the situation any longer and the kids are grown and there's no reason to hang around any longer, so you're in good company.

But you should also ask yourself if you're somewhat responsible for the state of your marriage. Could you have spent more time with her? Could you have been more intimate? Could you have had more fun together? Just something to think about as you ponder either a divorce or just sticking it out with her.

I am done, for a long while I have ignored or made excuses for her behaviour but I cannot do this anymore. Does this sound like emotional abuse or is it simply a relationship gone wrong?

While it's smart to be done, what is the benefit you'd gain by diagnosing this relationship as 'abusive'.

Do you really want to hold onto an even bigger hard luck 'story' while launching a new life, or would you rather credit yourself with learning why investing in a cheater was never a bright idea in the first place?

Decide whether you'll come out of this experience viewing yourself as stronger, wiser and more confident in your judgment, or whether you'll adopt a banner of victimization to hide behind, which will only drill you into a deeper hole to climb out of?

Head high, and choose wisely.