Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 6 1234 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 52

Thread: FairFight

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2018
    Posts
    21

    FairFight

    I need some perspective with my feelings, and I need to understand my wife. Can someone tell me what you think of this exchange?


    Me: Please don't open the back door again, you've fed the cats many times this evening already. I'ts cold and raining and they are fine tucked in their beds on the back porch. (almost 10 PM)

    Her: Well, 10 years ago you use to smoke. After having sex you would get up and go out the back door to smoke, leaving me(the wife) laying their naked and cold as the door opened.

    Me: WT? does that have to do with anything? How is that relevant? 10 years after I quit smoking and you're throwing something back up in my face for no other reason than to make me feel bad for my past mistakes,,, so that you can get your way with cats on the back porch?


    I got really upset at this exchange, our arguments seem to go in this direction more often than not. If there is an issue that we both don't agree on, I will state my side of the issue, then she will proceed to insult me or belittle me in some manner or another having nothing to do with the issue at hand. Her words are meant to hurt my feelings. No other reason that I can see. Come on, a few wives clue me in to what's going on with her? I love her and I want to understand her, but I am having a hard time accepting that her only motivation is cause me to get upset.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2017
    Location
    Boston, MA
    Age
    63
    Posts
    4,747
    Gender
    Male
    When your wife says something like this, you say, "Yes, dear," and close the door. Something as minor as this does not need an argument. Stop fighting with her. And she's right, of course. So agree with her! Just say, "yes, dear." You've been married for 10 years, you should have learned this already.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    35,796
    Gender
    Male
    Pick your battles. Why harangue her over feeding the cats? Are you jealous of her cats? What is your point in starting this? Don't dish out what you can't take.

    You started the nonsense and she reminded you how silly and argumentative your complaint is because you used to do the same stuff.
    Originally Posted by CatsMeow2
    Me: Please don't open the back door again, you've fed the cats many times this evening already.
    Her: Well, 10 years ago you use to smoke. After having sex you would get up and go out the back door to smoke, leaving me(the wife) laying their naked and cold as the door opened.

  4. #4
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Posts
    843
    Gender
    Female
    The cats have to sleep on the back porch in the rain? They can’t stay in the house?

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    6,409
    Gender
    Female
    She’s doing to you what you are doing to her...

    “Please don’t open the back door again” <- this request is starting out fine...

    “You’ve fed the cats many times this evening” <- ... and now we’re passive-aggressive. Lol! You are borderline calling her stupid. She’s clearly concerned about something or simply enjoys their company. Have you asked why she keeps going outside instead of just being angry about it?

    “It’s cold and it’s raining and they are fine” <- you are invalidating her feelings or needs with this sentence and trying to make her feel bad/guilty. You are trying to say that your comfort is more important than the cats.

    Her response IS relevant, IMO. She’s basically telling you to suck it up and drawing a clear parallel (with the first example that came to mind) of a time when she sucked it up for your enjoyment and pleasure. I’m sure if given lots of time to think, she could have come up with a different example. But this one was a clear parallel (opening the door, being cold). What she is saying is that sometimes we sacrifice our comfort for our partners when something is important to them, even if it’s not important to you.

    I think marriage councilling is in order. It sounds like there is more going on in your marriage than the cats for you both to be approaching each other this way. There is a lot of underlying anger and aggression there.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    london
    Posts
    12,014
    Originally Posted by DaisyMayPorter
    The cats have to sleep on the back porch in the rain? They can’t stay in the house?
    That's what I was going to say , but I decided to be the diplomat and accept that we all look after our fur babies differently ...I am also a bit stoned Daisy so all is love right now

    Anyway op . if my big lad , George , was on the porch , I would be on the porch holding his paw . Seriously I would be checking on my cats constantly if circumstance meant they slept in the porch .

    Every reply you get will be relative to pet owners and how we care for them , you will be more confused then ever .

    The end . Feel like I have been typing for hours .

  8. #7
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    Ontario Canada
    Posts
    6,020
    Gender
    Female
    I'm wondering why your wife laid in bed naked and cold while you got up to have a smoke. Is she not bright enough to pull the covers over her?

    My cats would be in the house, not in the back porch.

    There seems to be a lot of passive aggressive arguing between both of you that needs to be sorted out.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    35,796
    Gender
    Male
    Cats are the new cigarettes 🙀 🚬

  10. #9
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    21,671
    Why is she feeding the cats so much? Are these your cats or strays? If they are your cats, I would think that they would be in the house, so that they do not freeze to death.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Wilds of Texas
    Posts
    10,062
    Gender
    Female
    RedDress very much nailed it. You invalidated your wife's concern for the animal's well being while being selfish and self centered. Her retort to you was a relevant parallel that she put up with you doing something similar in the past and you should do the same for her now.

    Overall, maybe pick your fights more carefully. Sounds like there is a lot of resentment in your marriage going on.

    If it was really that cold and nasty, why weren't the animals indoors? If it wasn't that cold, why whine about it? I can't imagine that opening the back door was causing such a huge draft in the house that you were truly suffering. This whole thing was completely unnecessary and it was initiated by you. Don't start the fire if you can't handle the heat.

Page 1 of 6 1234 ... LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •