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Thread: Confused about my ex-boyfriend's reaction

  1. #1
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    Confused about my ex-boyfriend's reaction

    Hey everyone! So my ex of 2 months broke up with me on Sunday.. A little bit of background: He asked me to be his girlfriend on the second date and I said yes. We were seeing each other at least once or twice a month since he has a 5 year old son of whom he and his ex-wife shares custody of, in addition to him working night-shifts. He would tell me about a few instances of which he had fears about me going out and meeting other men that may be better than him (Asian men to be exact, since he's Asian), and sometimes the age difference (he is 37 and I am 26). I would always reassure him that I would never do this as I was in love with him.

    The night before the breakup, I told him I was going to go out and see my friends who i've made from a Meetup group I joined years ago. He started asking me questions about how many people would be there, what the theme was, will other Asian men be there etc. I told him the exact amount of people but I refrained from telling him that other Asian guys would be there because I know that he gets a bit paranoid whenever I did tell him in the past. I was really only going to the event to hang out with 5 of my friends however, not to find a date/hookup etc. Eventually he starts becoming distant and I asked him if he didn't trust me, he responded by just saying "have fun". I kept on texting him trying to figure out why he didn't want to tell me why he doesn't trust me. I ended up not going to the event because I was upset and crying that he was ignoring me. The next day I used my fake dating profile to see if he was on the app (since we met there) and sure enough he was online. I texted him asking him we're over and he eventually just said "yes we're done". I cried for the rest of the day, did not eat, and barely slept between Sunday and Monday. On Tuesday he randomly texted me asking if I get checked for STD's regularly, how many people did I sleep with before him, etc. I was shocked that he was acting like this and he continuously kept telling me that I am a liar, because I lied about the name and the theme of the group. Even after I tried to explain why I omitted that part because I didn't want him to freak out he didn't care. He said the trust is broken and he doesn't want to be with me. I told him I loved him and I wanted us to fix the problem, but he refused. He then said maybe we could be friends one day, but no romance. This was strange to hear since he told me that he never remains friends with any of his ex's. What was his reasoning for saying that to me? I'd like to hear some input on this. Thanks!

  2. #2
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    You should never accept this kind of treatment. It was a blessing in disguise that he broke up with you.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I'm a little confused. You were together for 2 months and saw each other once or twice a month, meaning a total of four times?

    Regardless, what abitbroken wrote: this guy just sucks.

    You want more input? Sure. He is a deeply insecure person—hence his paranoia and jealousy—and instead of dealing with that he deflects it. It's a way of seeking power that's just lame. It's what bullies do.

    He doesn't want to be friends, because he's not capable of being friendly. He just wants you off-kilter because it's how he interacts with people.

    I'm sorry for your pain, but I think very soon you'll see this for what it is and be very glad you're done.

  4. #4
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    Yeah, your ex-boyfriend is loony. He's possessive and passive-aggressive. I would guess he's working up a case of emotional abuse. After 4 dates he's accusing you already of cheating on him? That and he's already caused you so much grief you didn't even go to your meet-up. Block him, erase, him, delete him and never let him darken your door. You didn't need to explain anything to him. And he wasn't listening anyway. Find a guy who is your age and doesn't have psychological problems.

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  6. #5
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    To be honest there were times when I wondered if he was still dating other people and sometimes using his child as an excuse as to why he couldn't see me on certain days/the weekend. After he made it official with me on our second date, he changed his username on the dating app and added a little more to the about me section.. He also never deactivated the profile but I deactivated mine. When I asked him about it on Tuesday he said that he thought the username was funny, "speaking of, time for me to update that now" and he hasn't been on the app this whole time until Sunday.

  7. #6
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    Yes, we started dating towards the end of August and we only saw each other like once a week or sometimes every 2 weeks.

  8. #7
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    You were in love with a guy you saw three or four times. He was practically a stranger.

    He is an insecure, controlling weirdo. Next time, you need to run if you encounter someone like this. I would also suggest you date someone you see at least once a week.

    He sounds awful! Block him!

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    This guy is a mess and you invested yourself emotionally too much too soon. He seems controlling and toxic. You dodged a bullet. Block, delete and never contact this creep again.

    Continue going to the meetups and doing the things you like and don't invest too much too soon on guys you barely know and avoid those who are controlling and disrespectful like him.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Excellent you cut your losses after dating this guy for only 8 weeks. Never let an abusive control freak like this jerk tell you where or with whom you can or can't hang out. You need to screen men much better than this and not make up fake accounts to police these kind of weirdos. Just don't date them.

    You need to read up on red flags for controlling relationships and signs of abusers. Block and delete this creep from all messaging and social media immediately
    Originally Posted by PiscesDream5
    We were seeing each other at least once or twice a month He started asking me questions about how many people would be there, what the theme was, will other Asian men be there etc. I ended up not going to the event because I was upset and crying that he was ignoring me.

  11. #10
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    Well, he’s not your “ex” if it were only dating 2 months, he was just some guy you were dating. He asked you to “be his girlfriend” after date 2? That sounds so high school-ish. Jealousy, paranoia, accusing you of cheating, accusing you of lying...Too much drama in such a short period of time. It only would’ve gotten worse in time. Be glad this loser is out of your life. He was afraid you’ll meet someone better than him? He’s right- you will! :-)

    And yes I agree with the others, he has all the early signs of an emotional abuser. He doesn’t even know you and he’s assuming you are lying and cheating- he’s probably the one doing this! Abusers tend to project their actions on others.

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