My "friend" is ignoring me when she started a fight for no reason!

Hello all! I am new here. I am really rattled and angry because my supposed friend totally crapped on me for no reason I can think of. I was dating her brother for four years, her brother is an alcoholic and recently relapsed. She was ALWAYS telling me I could do better, he's an abuser, he's messed up, etc. She was never on his side. Well she hit a rough patch where she had to get an abortion (that's a long story) but only she and I knew about it because her family is very pro-life, so she felt that she could only turn to me. My LIPS were SEALED. I kept her secret, but her brother, the guy I was dating knew about it because she was ok with telling him too. She already has two children and it really scarred her and messed her up. I was SO worried about her and checked on her everyday and kept reinforcing to get therapy, so she can not feel this horrible. It totally messed her up. I can imagine! Which is why I was making her laugh everyday by saying funny stuff and trying to help her.

Then the guy I was dating (her bro) relapsed and I broke up with him. He went to go live with her. I vented to her about how much it bothered me that he was messing around after only 3 days of our breakup with her ex's (baby daddy) twin sister. Which my friend Samantha has told me her ex's sister betrayed her and she didn't like her, but had to put up with her because she has children, and that's their aunt. She never replied to me. It seemed like she was ignoring me and I thought "maybe she is pulled between me and her brother, I will give her space because he is probably driving her nuts and can't deal with everything." So I texted her nicely saying "Hi Samantha! I am not going to bother you anymore because I know you are probably being pulled. I won't put you in that position, so best wishes and hopefully I will hear from you soon." She never replied and I wasn't thinking twice about it. I was really hurt by my ex going for the lowest scum on the earth and going for his sister's baby daddy's sister, like really? How disgusting and this woman is like literal dirt, she is disgusting! So it hurt me that he threw away a diamond for dirt.

I was hurt and needed someone to vent to. My so called friends were ignoring me and yet they always said "I am here ANYTIME LIV!" But anytime when it's about them or they need something they are there, but if it's about me, forget it! So I made a a Facebook post saying "I hope everyone got their use out of me because I am done being there for people. You act like you are my friend when it's something you need. A bunch of fakes! I am so done and never talking to these so called friends of mine ever again!"

All of a sudden Samantha texts me.

Samantha: I am not feeding into your mind games But since you wanna be indirect and say on FB...if you wanna address me say it directly to ME! I don't put my business out there for the whole world to see. You know where I live B I T C H! AND I WILL BE HOME AFTER 11 IF YOU WANNA BE DIRECT THEN BE DIRECT B I TC H!!! Otherwise shut the about me! I am not getting involved in yours and jake's mess. So leave me the out of it! I don't argue over texts so if you wanna come argue then come argue! If not I better not see one more post about me. Handle your business in private Don't air on the internet for the whole world to see how much of a ed up person YOU ARE!

ME: WOAH! SAMANTHA! What are you even talking about? That post was clearly not about you! I don't know why you thought it was? I made it clear to you that I wasn't going to bother you anymore! That post was about these so called friends I have that always say they are there for me, but they aren't. I understood your position, wow! You couldn't just ask me? You had to spout off and act like a child and want me to come to you so we can get physical? GROW UP! And this "ed up" person kept your secret, bought you stuff, and looked at you as a sister, I kept your secret about your abortion and never told a soul. Yet, I am ed up? Wow I can't believe you spouted off on something that isn't even about you.

Samantha: Oh woooow! You are one of those low blow es! on my kids life I will come to your house and it will take the county police department to get me off you! Call the police call whoever you want, I am coming to see you! You are going to be beaten up !

Me: Stop threatening me! We are both 25 years old! Act like it Samantha! I was NOT throwing any low blows about your Abortion. I was defending my loyalty because you called me a "ed person" when I have been nothing but good to you and held your secret which is your abortion. That is not a low blow that is a fact, what is wrong you? I checked on you everyday and made sure to see if you were ok. How dare you threaten me and come at me like that. I didn't throw any low blows, you are literally making an ass out of yourself over literally nothing.

Samantha: You mentioned abortion that shows what a piece of you really are.

Me: OH MY GOD! Was it that you don't get that I was making the point I kept your secret because you insulted me by saying I was a ed up person! I was defending myself and not throwing low blows. I knew that abortion hurt you, I would never do such a thing. Stop insulting me and threatening me. You are messed up to be kicking me when I am down like this and it's for literally no reason. That post wasn't about you, otherwise I would have told you myself. Get a grip and grow up! This isn't middle school. This is why you lose people, I did nothing to you and you are hurting me more!

She never responded and so I let things calm down for a week, her brother went to rehab so he is no longer in her house. My mom messaged her because I had her children gifts here and my mom asked her about it, and if she would talk to me to at least understand each other and not be so distant. She tried lying to my mom and saying "I thought Liv was a great friend and I loved her but she threw low blows and sputed off about my abortion when I was being pulled by Jake and her. Jake is driving me literally insane. I had so much anxiety between the two of them. I was trying to be a good sister and a good friend." My mom said "I saw the texts and Liv did not throw low blows, which is why you should talk it out with her, so you both have a better understanding of each other and your positions at the moment. Liv understood which is why she sent that text saying she was going to leave you alone." She said "I need space. Jake really stressed me out. If I was Liv I would never look back, she doesn't deserve being treated like crap from him. He clearly doesn't know what he wants and he is still just going to keep messing with her head." My mom said "I agree and he slept with your ex's sister which I am sure got you angry because she betrayed you and he had her over at your house. It is very grueling and toxic, but Liv is ok with the breakup, yes she is upset but she is moving forward. She is more upset and hurt about what went down between you two. You two were very close. I hope you can talk in the future. And get therapy on the whole abortion because you shouldn't have to live with that pain Samantha."

"I am not ready to open about it yet to a therapist, but I hope Liv truly moves on because she was a good girlfriend to him, he wasn't good to her. I agree!!! We'll be in touch. xoxo."

What hurt me is that she said all of that and is basically not on his side, yet she won't talk to me? That makes no sense? And SHE needs space? When she caused this on her own head, and tried lying that I spouted off? I didn't "spout off". I texted her telling her how hurt I am and I felt like we were sisters and were always going to be close. I said I was crying non stop and just want to talk to resolve things, even if it means we'll never be friends again but at least have an understanding and have a good ending. She never replied. I feel like she doesn't care, because if your friend texted you saying how upset she was, are you really going to ignore her? That shows right there, I was never a "friend" and it hurts. I feel like she is being rude and unreasonable, and abusive, and I have so much rage and anger. I don't know if she took it out on me because her brother was at her place? I don't know because it's weird that she is saying how much she is basically on my side to my mother, yet won't talk to me at all. I am so hurt and angry by her that she kicked me when I was down and didn't even bother to figure the situation out like an adult. Why is she avoiding me like this when she caused this on her own head? Is she maybe embarassed? She doesn't care? She's a total wreck? Or she doesn't want to own up that she is wrong because his family never does that? She even said when me and Jake first broke up "Please don't be out of my children's life and mine because of him. We are such great friends!" I said "I wouldn't because he doesn't define our friendship." So, she is saying that, but yet won't talk to me at all after she made an ass out of herself? Also I wanted to ask how she felt about Her ex's sister being over at her house and being with her brother because that would really show her truly colors if she didn't care. I have so many questions to ask and she is just like LIKE "Screw off" basically and won't talk to me. I can't wrap my head around this, any insight would help. Thank you very much.

You did spout off though... on FB with your passive - aggressive post, and with your venting to her about how you felt about her brother, and threatening her with physical violence. And yea it was a low blow to mention that you were keeping her abortion a secret like you were doing some big favor for her.

She was angry and upset with what happened with her brother and what you posted on FB, and you not only took zero responsibility for any of it, you took it past the point of no return. You met anger with anger. At the end of the day... if you want to reconnect with her, you may want to consider what your part in all this was and own that so you can move forward.

You need to delete your ex, his sister and all their people from all messaging apps and social media. Blood is thicker than water. Never post nasty innuendos on social media. You may be turning off friends left and right with that type of thing, whether it's directed at them or not.

He went to go live with her. my friend Samantha has told me her ex's sister betrayed her and she didn't like her, but had to put up with her because she has children, and that's their aunt.

Yeah, you never win by striking out and getting into flame wars with friends and relatives. You just say, sorry. I actually wasn't talking about you, but I am very sorry I upset you and it won't happen again. As an example, I once had a union guy yell at me at full volume at the top of his lungs inches away from my nose for a solid two minutes for something I had no control over. But I knew that if I moved, or if I said anything, I'd be missing a couple of teeth. So I let him yell. And when he finished, he just walked away.

You should learn to keep your cool and not go crazy. Learn to apologize, even if you don't feel it was your fault. Always take the high road and don't get down in the gutter to duke it out. You might want to learn how to deal with your anger. You seem to like telling people off. Like when your friend didn't respond to your text, you had to write back and tell her you're never going to bother her again because she didn't answer you.

So you need to calm down. You're taking everything personally, and right now, you're just hurting yourself. No one wants to talk to you while you're out of control. They might talk to you again if you start apologizing for your behavior. Try using your brain rather than your emotions first or count to 10 before going ballistic -- and then don't go ballistic. Keep your head down for a while until things cool down and try to move on.

I would also focus on why you were with this loser for four years!

I cannot believe you posted that on FB. I think you should address who you choose as friends, as it does not sound like you have been very discerning. Time to clean house.

Me: Stop threatening me! We are both 25 years old!

You are hugely in the wrong. You did use the abortion stuff against her. Sure you told her before hand you were going to leave her out of stuff regarding healing from your break up, but that post was aimed at all your friends and I can see why she felt you were talking about her. Never post passive aggressive statuses, it makes you look foolish and I know for me, I pull away more from people like that, big flashing sign shouting drama associated with that person. You have an issue you talk it out or find new friends.

You threw a public temper tantrum. Those have consequences.

It's never too early to adopt self control.

We all live and learn. Read my sig.