Drunk text to new guy, how to reverse it?

Hello, I recently started spending time with a guy i've know for a few years. Hes older, I am 31 he's 53 (i've always liked older guys). I met him a few years ago, he's friends with all my friends and my dads band members. I hung out with him a few years ago because he is a big motorcycle guy and he was giving me motorcycle lessons (for free). On and off for the past few years he's been trying to get me over for a movie night or to go out of town with him for his dirt bike racing and I always turned him down because he lived almost an hour away and didn't get off work until 8pm. Sometimes things just wouldn't line up right, he'd would be seeing someone and I was on and off breaking up with my ex. FINALLY things lined up and we have done a few move/pizza nights and motorcycle rides. It's obvious we like each other, last movie night we got a little cuddly on the couch. He hasn't tried anything more. Total gentleman and totally British. We text a lot, flirting and casual conversations. He's said stuff like i'm cute and he enjoyed cuddling with me because he hasn't done that in so long. This guy is the type of guy who always has to be out doing something for example dirt bike riding and jet skiing. Very independent. Last night I got a little too tipsy and I sent him a drunk text I wish I could take back. It wasn't AWFUL but seems a little immature and pushy on my half. He was texting me about some troubles he's having. Just opening up to me. These are how the texts went.

Me:"Im sorry I with I could help!"

Him:"No worries, I appreciate your thoughts are friendship"

I wasn't too secure about the "friendship" remark even though I know he likes me, I was drunk and put too much dumb thought into it. I responded

Me: "You're welcome. But to be honest I have a crush on you" OOPS

Me again: "Do you have a crush on me? Sorry for not being more subtle, I was just curious" Double OOPS

This was his response... "Sorry I was on the phone. Awwwwww that's cute. I like you a lot and enjoy being around you. I haven't had a crush in years so I don't really know if thats the word but I defintley enjoy your time, if that makes sense...."

I am really embarrassed about the "crush" remark not realizing how highschoolish it sounds. I hope it doesn't scare him off. Is there anything I can do to kinda reverse that text? Maybe something I can say to him? Or would that make it look worse like I am thinking about it too much (I am but he doesn't have to know that).

After that text I sent "Yeah it makes sense :) And I hope we can have another movie night this weekend"

He responds "Yes, lets try!"

Am I being paranoid and getting worried for no reason? I am taking what he said the wrong way? I don't like the whole playing hard to get thing so I've always been up front with guys. Not sure of thats appreciated or being seen as clingy. Any advice?

I personally would have selective amnesia unless he brings it up; if he does, then just be honest. But don't do this by text, do it face to face. One of the problems with texting is that it just leaves you with words, and subtler things like tone and body language are absent - which leads to much misunderstanding and grief.

I don't think the text in itself is terrible... however, the vibe I'm getting from his responses is that he is not that interested. He seems to be trying to let you down easy. Using the word "friendship", telling you he doesn't quite have a crush but enjoys time with you, and when you suggested doing something this weekend his response was non-committal. He appears to be a nice guy that just really likes your friendship. Perhaps he is interested but isn't comfortable with moving things forward since he is older, and has friends in common with your father. If things didn't work out, it could get quite messy.

Own it girl... you took a risk and said how you felt and that's not a bad thing! The text doesn't seem inappropriate in any way, just forward, and maybe he was taken off guard by that.

Don't start backtracking on your comment now...and don't force a conversation about it... that makes you seem insecure and will just make things even more awkward. Give him some time to process how he feels about your remark... his actions will show you what he wants one way or the other.

I mean, yeah, that's pretty cringy highschool stuff right there. If you were someone I'd been on one date with and I received that, I'd probably be slowly backing away. But if you've got a history with this guy, I'd say he probably wasn't and isn't interested in anything meaningful regardless.

I wouldn't focus on reversing whatever course you think you've veered onto. I'd just scale back your expectations.

Well at least you know where you stand in regards to how he feels in return. That’s the silver lining you can take from the text. That way you don’t waste anymore time pursuing him. I would take him at face value as a friend.

Although the cuddling would throw me off. I think he gave you mixed signals there.

You can’t undo the text so just act like it never happened and move forward.

Don't worry about it. His response was fine. It doesn't sound like you blew anything, because there was nothing to blow. He doesn't sound that interested and doesn't want to string you along. Let it rest. Don't backpedal. Just see if the movie night happens, forget about it and don't bring it up or draw even more attention to it.

"Sorry I was on the phone. Awwwwww that's cute. I like you a lot and enjoy being around you. I haven't had a crush in years so I don't really know if thats the word but I defintley enjoy your time, if that makes sense...."

He might be enjoying the attention of a younger woman, hence the cuddling and other various instances where he stepped over the friendship line in my opinion.

However, his response indicates to me that he doesn't see you as anything more serious.

Yeah, the crush text was pretty cringy, but if he was indeed interested in more, I'm not sure it would be the sole reason to turn him off completely. I definitely wouldn't bring it up again, and like others have suggested, don't put too much hope in this and back away. Sorry OP!

It's only been a few weeks since we started hanging out regularly. We have made future plans where he's said "we'll do lots of bike rides" and when I mention all the movies I like his response is "we'll get through your list" and I do know for sure he likes me more than just a friend, Maybe not 100% but he does show signs of affection and I can tell by the way he looks at me and tells me what a great time he's having. I think he'd be the type of guy to be upfront if he didn't like me that way. We are still in the "friendship" phase but it's slowly heading towards more. He's mentioned cuddling more, opens the car door for me, hold my hand once and a while when i'm holding onto him on the back of his motorcycle. I'll for sure back off and not bring up the text. The ball is in his court since he's the last one to send a text. We'll see if he invites me to another movie night and maybe ill make myself unavailable, I am moving so I could say "i'm packing" Maybe play a little hard to get...? although I don't like those games but this guy its a really great guy so It would be nice to see where it could go. I try to go most of the day with out texting him and he's usually the one sending the 1st text in the evening.

It's doubtful hard to get games would help. Or any type of attempted countermeasures. Keep in mind, you may like older men but this aspect may be too close for comfort from his point of view:

he's friends with all my friends and my dads band members.

He's also texted things to me "Wish you were here" and "Too bad you live so far away" "looking forward to seeing you" Things like that.

Cringy, yes but if he likes you he will overlook it.

I think your focus should be on not Seeking reassurance from the man you’re trying to date.

If you’re insecure it isn’t his job to rectify, that’s not why we date.

You’re already plotting to start playing games.

Stop. Breathe. Be yourself. It’s enough. Trust you are worth being in a relationship with and let’s things progress naturally.

What are you hoping that means?

He's also texted things to me "Wish you were here" and "Too bad you live so far away" "looking forward to seeing you" Things like that.

I'm hoping it means exactly what he's saying. I don't imagine him being the type of guy to say that to lots of women. He's kinda a loner like me, meaning we don't really hang out with people just kinda do our own thing.

I know he likes me I just wish I didn't send that dumb text :(

If he invites you out, and you want to see him, then go along. You don't need to make any reference to the text unless he does. If he does like you, then playing silly adolescent games is going to put him off quicker than anything. Generally people get less and less tolerant of this sort of thing as they get older!

I'll for sure back off and not bring up the text. The ball is in his court since he's the last one to send a text. We'll see if he invites me to another movie night and maybe ill make myself unavailable, I am moving so I could say "i'm packing" Maybe play a little hard to get...? although I don't like those games but this guy its a really great guy so It would be nice to see where it could go. I try to go most of the day with out texting him and he's usually the one sending the 1st text in the evening.

Just this alone suggests you might not have learned your lesson.

You don't follow up a drunk text with scheming how to play hard to get.

You do realize this is a mature man and between the text and the probable head games, he'll see through all of it as a child's game.

Own your mistake. Personally, I'd call him in and in a light hearted way apologize for your drunk text and try to laugh it off and then move on.

If you two were meant to be an item, something like this isn't going to hurt it.

He's not a drinker so I think If i mention the drunk part that would turn him off more, if he is turned off.

He's not a drinker so I think If i mention the drunk part that would turn him off more, if he is turned off.

But you do drink alcohol sometimes, right?

Are you suggesting that you hide this fact from him so he'll like you?

Just this alone suggests you might not have learned your lesson.

 

You don't follow up a drunk text with scheming how to play hard to get.

 

You do realize this is a mature man and between the text and the probable head games, he'll see through all of it as a child's game.

 

Own your mistake. Personally, I'd call him in and in a light hearted way apologize for your drunk text and try to laugh it off and then move on.

 

If you two were meant to be an item, something like this isn't going to hurt it.

Nailed it.

Just take a deep breath. As a fellow loner with a motorcycle habit and a flirtatious streak, I can with near certainty assure you that he has spent a total of maybe 18 seconds thinking about this exchange. You do not need to bring this up, ever.

And that’s not to say he isn’t interested, isn’t enjoying you, isn’t looking forward to the next hang, the next cuddle. If anything, the opposite. I suspect he’d rather just hang and ride and cuddle and see what’s what, so please resist the urge to up the games.

As figureitout said, this whole little move was an assurance grab. The word “friendship” sent you into a mini panic—even though, from another angle, it’s a really earnest expression of affection—and you wanted to extract something from him to quell the panic. That’s human. But being a mature human is about spotting that urge, keeping it in the can, minimizing the mini, and letting time and action dictate what’s what.

I’ve got some confusing, jittery feelings about a woman right now. My own little gray area. The little high school boy in me wants assurance, and with enough booze I could maybe slip on the banana peel of insecurity. But what’s the adult in me do? Deep breath, a long ride to smooth those jitters out.

Stop beating yourself up over this text. Who cares? Now he knows you like him so if he likes you back he can make his move. Just relax, enjoy yourself, don't bring it up. Determine whether things are headed toward dating by his actions. Don't play any games, don't play hard to get, just be you.

I'm a little confused by the relationship. Is it a dating or hanging out relationship? It sounds like most of the time he's treating you like a daughter, not a girlfriend. And he hasn't made a move on you? You're too young for him. If you were older, you would probably be sleeping together by now. The whole thing about opening doors for you and holding your hand when you get off a bike is just being polite and typical someone of his age group. I would do the same if I was out with anyone. I think you need to find someone your own age or just keep it as a friendship.

Own it girl... you took a risk and said how you felt and that's not a bad thing! The text doesn't seem inappropriate in any way, just forward, and maybe he was taken off guard by that.

 

Don't start backtracking on your comment now...and don't force a conversation about it... that makes you seem insecure and will just make things even more awkward. Give him some time to process how he feels about your remark... his actions will show you what he wants one way or the other.

The text was cringworthy, but I agree with maew, own it. I would be the same as you right now, wishing I could suck it back in, but it's out there, and all you can do is have the confidence to own it...maybe he bites, maybe he doesn't. At least you won't be wondering anymore.

This guy is 53 years old. You can't convince me that not only has he not been well-aware of your crush on him, but he has a crush on you too. Him stating he doesn't know what that means is utter bullsh**. He's been around the block a few times, and he knows very well what the situation is.

He is 20 years your senior and BFF with YOUR DAD...he knows how well this will go over with your dad, let alone his friendship with your dad and all the friends he, your dad, and the other dudes hang out with, let alone what a minefield is getting involved with someone two decades out of his sphere.

He crossed a line and extended invitations, "hanging out" and CUDDLING, knowing full well this is just not a good path to take...cuddling! Oh, but he's all "proper"...yeah, right. He wants more and knew your feelings from the start, and his own. He's back-peddling now.

Do you really want to get romantically involved with your dad's pal and buddy?

You spilled the beans...just own it. You don't have to bring it up again. I would suggest you don't, but if he does, you can talk about it. The thing is, this relationship is a bad idea. He's your DAD'S friend and part of a group of your DAD'S FRIENDS, and he's 20 years your senior, but you're doing the equivalent of "dipping your pen in the company ink." You're mixing up relationships and boundaries...like dating your sister's ex-boyfriend or dating the boss...a mish-mash of messy.

He's happy to cuddle and lead you on and get his affection while not committing and calling you a friend while CUDDLING. Remove yourself from this. His response was "friends" and he doesn't know what a crush means... He knows.

I think you need to move outside of this circle for dating and relationships, whether it be someone your own age or someone older.

Stop beating yourself up over this text. Who cares? Now he knows you like him so if he likes you back he can make his move. Just relax, enjoy yourself, don't bring it up. Determine whether things are headed toward dating by his actions. Don't play any games, don't play hard to get, just be you.

Very much agree with this^^.

To add, I don't get why some believe letting a guy/girl know you like him/her is something to be embarrassed about, drunk or not drunk.

I have no problem letting a guy know I like him and if he likes me, he'll kick it up a notch (assuming he wasn't sure I liked him prior to that). I don't gush about it, I say it sort of casually, from a place of confidence.

I think he used the word "friendship" in his earlier text because, at that time, he didn't know you had a crush on him and in his mind, what you had was just a friendship.

He could very well be crushing on you too!

In any event, he thought your text was cute! Now he's gonna think about it for awhile.

His actions going forward will be very telling and don't be surprised if he starts to escalate things.

If he starts to back off, then you know he doesn't feel the same.

Lastly, just my experience but when a guy really likes a woman, she can do almost no wrong!

Every little thing she does that might be considered cringeworthy from a guy who doesn't like her, he will think is adorable and cute!

Just like this guy did!

This guy knows exactly what's going on and is fighting it and encouraging "something" but "not too much." This woman is this man's best friend's daughter. All of his peers are old enough to be this girl's father, and they are also best buds with the father. They probably knew this girl when she was toddling about in diapers and he and they probably changed a few of those diapers in addition to dealing with boo-boos and teaching her to ride a bike and helping her with 3rd grade math.

This man knows she is attracted to him, and has always known, and up until now, he could feign this ignorance with "movie night" and "cuddle" like boyfriend-girlfriend, and then bounce back to being "just friends" and feigning stupidity on what a "crush" means...really??...do y'all really buy that?

I think he's resisting anything romantic but allowing it at the same time, and he knows what a big ball of stupidity that would be. I question his character in continuing to lead her on while feigning this friendship...it's just a cuddle...yeah, right. If he didn't want to be involved with her and knew her attraction to him (he knows), he would not be inviting her over for "pizza night" and "cuddles." He would be avoiding her unless in public.

The OP is best to move on. This situation overlaps too much into the personal world with dad and his friends. Find a 50-something who isn't attached to her dad.