Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 23

Thread: Need some advice moving forward

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Nov 2018
    Posts
    12

    Need some advice moving forward

    Hey all thanks for reading my story.

    i have known this girl from high school and always had a thing for her since the age of about 15 , (she is now 32 and i am now 30). So recently we started connecting/talking to each other through social media and i always felt there was mutual attraction between us and i am sure i read the signs correctly.

    So after a while we decided to meet up and have a drink and i was instantly phyiscally and sexually attracted to her the moment i locked eyes on her and i beleive the feeling was mutual. so i walked her home and we had a kiss. however during this time i found a lump which i thought to be testicular cancer which as you can imagine knocked my self esteem for 6 and made it difficult for me to fully express myself and stimulate her properly (this turned out to be a cyst for which im having removed).

    she recently told me she didnt feel that sexual attraction from me and told me that she was seeing someone else (this is like 1-2 weeks old)

    Im not sure where to go with this now i explained to her why this happened and told her “I did not start talking to you because i wanted to be just friends”

    I dont want to pursue her and seem desperate as thats not my style but i really think there is something special here/ that spark.

    Question is where do i go from here do i give her some time with this new guy while i work on being a better person myself or do i drive it home now that everything is laid out there which was my intention from the beginning however i let something stupid and insignificant get in the way of allowing myself to cook up any sort of sexual attraction with/for her from the point we first met. When in reality i was physically and sexually attracted to her from the off.

    Maybe i am reading the situation wrong but i dont beleive a girl would ever kiss someone she is not attracted to

    *** last msg***

    take care of yourself

    I did not start talking to you because i wanted to be just friends

    *Response*

    Xx


    so am i doomed at this stage guys?

  2. #2
    Silver Member Pretzel's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2016
    Posts
    448
    Gender
    Female
    I am not sure you have as many options as you think unfortunately. It sounds like you guys aren't on the same page at all, and she hasn't expressed any desire to date you even though you have to her.
    Btw, I'm unclear when you were rehashing the story, at what point you guys were actually having sex or about to have sex as you only describe a kiss before parting ways when you walked her home. But in any case, I don't think that a stumble during sex is the cause of the problem. If she really really fancied you then she would get over that part of things, but it just sounds like she's generally not interested in more than friendship. Sorry :(

  3. #3

    Join Date
    Nov 2018
    Posts
    12
    nah its cool i can take that on the chin, what doesnt kill you makes you stronger... This is just a life lesson

    Basically i really wanted to take her home on the first night after that kiss and have sex with her and she in all honestly would of been receptive to that and was most probably waiting for it, i know as her sister told me to take her home and have sex with her (but my self esteem was in all honesty messed up big time), we spoke a few weeks ago over lunch and she told me she needs to have that sexual attraction with someone which i never even remotely showed to her as i had low self esteem
    Last edited by CJ101; 11-14-2018 at 09:20 AM.

  4. #4
    Silver Member Pretzel's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2016
    Posts
    448
    Gender
    Female
    Now I'm confused again as another unexpected thing enters the story... her sister told you to take her home and have sex with her??? That's super weird, what's your relationship with the sister like for her to be in communication with you and give you this kind of advice???? You don't need to have sex with someone on the first night in order to win their heart and attraction. It just sounds like she wasn't all that invested as you are/were at all and my advice would be to move on.

  5.  

  6. #5

    Join Date
    Nov 2018
    Posts
    12
    its just the type of girl her sister is , she was probably just drunk and joking in all honesty as i did not know her sister very well at all so yes even i found it strange.

    Yes i agree with you she even said if she wants to be with someone she will throw her self on someone and in all honestly she did that first night with me in the bar as she got super in my personal space but as i said i dont think i showed/allowed any reciprocation to it

    clearly she felt something as she sent me a message saying "its annoying because if you would of done things right from the start you would of had me right where you wanted me" so obviously there was intrest there
    Last edited by CJ101; 11-14-2018 at 09:35 AM.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    29,928
    Gender
    Male
    Sorry to hear this. Did you talk about having sex/going back to your or her place? Unfortunately it's the friendzone message. It seems she thought of it as old friends catching up.

    Obviously she didn't share your vision of hooking up that night. You completely misread the situation.
    Originally Posted by CJ101
    she recently told me she didnt feel that sexual attraction from me and told me that she was seeing someone

    i really wanted to take her home on the first night after that kiss and have sex with her

  8. #7

    Join Date
    Nov 2018
    Posts
    12
    yea your probably right in all honesty and im cool about it.

    no forget the sexual stuff cause as you say she would look past that and she did but myself having low self esteem because of that cyst meant i failed to stimulate her properly even when it just came to basic things that i should of been doing such as flirting/conversation etc.

    so really alot of this is my own doing by letting something get in the way of everything that was important and being receptive to her in general. Now that i look back on it it must of looked terrible from my half

    I think there was something there from her tho as she sent me a message saying "its annoying because if you would of done things right from the start you would of had me right where you wanted me" so do you think there was something there and i messed it up for myself or am i misreading the situation?

    she even said she thought she had feelings for me but they weren't quite gelled enough which confused me big time...

    she always looked at me diffrently aswell i noticed

    she gave me quite the chance and time to get this right in all fairness
    Last edited by CJ101; 11-14-2018 at 09:54 AM.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    29,928
    Gender
    Male
    What did she mean by this? What was the context and what was it in response to?
    Originally Posted by CJ101
    she sent me a message saying "its annoying because if you would of done things right from the start you would of had me right where you wanted me"

  10. #9

    Join Date
    Nov 2018
    Posts
    12
    i think it was just in general chat or when i was attempting to flirt or compliment her in some way, cannot pull it up neither as i had my phone replaced recently due to some damage and all my chat logs went along with it.

    lets take the sexual element out of this as i dont think that even mattered to her but having low self esteem because of that cyst meant i failed to stimulate her properly even when it just came to basic things that i should of been doing such as flirting/conversation etc.

    she even said she thought she had feelings for me but they weren't quite gelled enough which confused me ...

    is there anywhere i can go from here or is it simply a case of backing off and moving on?
    Last edited by CJ101; 11-14-2018 at 10:09 AM.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    29,928
    Gender
    Male
    Did you recently break up with someone or get divorced? How did it come about that you reached out and met up?

    This is all you need to know in order to move on or accept being just old school friends.
    Originally Posted by CJ101
    she recently told me she didnt feel that sexual attraction from me and told me that she was seeing someone else

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •