Resentment and Anger casting shadow over good relationship

When I met my girlfriend I lived in Nashville, Tennessee and she live in Miami, Florida. After a short while I started staying with her in Miami, I had work so i made sense. I paid half the bills but no rent, I was still back and forth between two states and kept myself minimal in her room, I also fixed things that broke, the fridge and Oven were two things, I also completely repaired her fence after a hurricane (she has a quote for 10,000 to fix this, I did not replace everything I reused as much material as possible but she only paid 500 in materials with me fixing it, the labour was about 20 days, even paying someone cheap labor for this would have cost probably around $5,000) I also helped her with yard sales and getting the house ready to be sold. Another thing that happened when I lived there with her is she hit my car in the driveway, her brother also did this (both accidents) but it meant that both sides of my car were now scraped and dented. However I did not make a big deal about this and don't bring up these things to my girlfriend today, as far as i see it everything overall seemed pretty fair. I stayed in her room with her (by her request) on and off for about 18 months, in which time I fixed a fence, Fridge, Oven, house maintenance etc. along with helping her to sell the house, along with general house cleaning and maintenance that anyone should do, I strived hard to be a positive addition, never leaving mess and deep cleaning areas when I had extra time along with the aforementioned repairs. On multiple occasions I brought up that perhaps I should stay elsewhere, I had other options and could have rented a room for about $300/month. She did not want me to do this.

After she and her brother sold that house in Miami. We bought a house together afterwards in another city, completely equally paid for, we then fixed it up together, myself doing the physical work but both of us deciding on design and remodel choices etc, When I talk to others about the house I always refer to it as WE did this together, the whole thing as thats how I see it. Recently, she is getting angry and resentful at increasingly shortened intervals and consistently brings up me staying with her in Miami as an unfair situation for her, (that situation ended about 8 months ago) I don't personally see it this way but have offered her money if that would make it better, she declines, however I do think overall things were quite fair. I have not asked for any compensation for work nor for fixing my car, it didn't seem fair for me to do so as I was saving 300/month for about 18 months (5400)

By my calculations I saved her about 5,000 for the fence, probably around 500 for the fridge and oven repairs, I also purchased the parts for these repairs. So to me this comes to 3,500. Plus the fact that I really did help her get the house on the market and did not seek anything for repairing my car, around $2,000 of damage. This, plus the fact that she did not want me to leave, when I was away for months here and there it upset her. All this make me feel like the savings I got from staying with her (5,400) seem fairly equal with how I helped her save money. 5,500 for repairs. on top of that I acknowledged the good situation and kept things clean and tidy along with not worrying about my car.

Im ok with difference in opinion but her anger and resentment coming out when we talk about splitting the cable bill or something mundane is becoming troublesome.

Am I missing something important here? Was I unfair to her? I cant make sense of this and just want to end this period of resentment she feels towards me, otherwise it feels like an unsustainable relationship. I should add that I do love my girlfriend and we have great times together but those great times are starting to be overshadowed by arguments :(

You did more for her than most men would even consider doing. She doesn't have a leg to stand on in terms of asking you to stay with her and then holding it against you.

Sounds like a red herring argument while something else is really going with her or your relationship with her. Sometimes people do that - they are unhappy about something right now or want to break up, but instead of telling you the truth, they choose to pick fights about something random and absurd.

If I were you, I'd confront her point blank on what her issue really is. If she is not willing to adjust her attitude or come clean, then as you said, this relationship isn't sustainable and you'll need to make that call for your own happiness and sanity's sake.

You didn't even live there full time. it was HER place and you contributed way above and beyond. Paying utilities when you are not even there for a month PLUS maintaining your own place? I would think in that case, buying groceries and contributing as a good house guest - repairing things, treating her on dates and she never pays, etc, would have sufficed.

I agree with Dancing Fool - but i would stop "adding it all up" and point blank ask what the real issue is and if she nickel and dimes you: "i paid for MY place in TN while also paying half the bills at your place. That's more than fair."

Do you both work? Who makes more? You can go round and round with spread sheets about how much you did for her, spent, etc. but how is that helping? What are you trying to save? Your relationship or a few bucks on a cable bill? Pick your battles. Why are there suddenly money conflicts? Have you asked her what would make it right for her?

How is the rest of the relationship? Has she been talking about marriage or kids? Is she assuming that buying a house together means future and commitment or just roommates-with-benefits dividing up tasks and bills? Why is she resentful? How is the romance?

Im ok with difference in opinion but her anger and resentment coming out when we talk about splitting the cable bill or something mundane is becoming troublesome. just want to end this period of resentment she feels towards me, otherwise it feels like an unsustainable relationship.

Yeah, I agree, there's something missing in your story. It sounds like she wants to break up. I had a little trouble following your post. Even though you bought a house together, are you still taking off for months at a time? Are you still splitting your time between Nashville and Miami? Maybe she's getting annoyed that it's not a real relationship. She wants a boyfriend who's around, not a guy that comes by and does chores. Just a guess because it seems you're more concerned about listing the chores you did rather than talking about the relationship, how you feel about your girlfriend, and how does she feel about you. Is there a marriage proposal coming soon? I think you need to talk about your relationship.

If you're in a relationship where you're producing a 'Profit & Loss' account for the other person and calculating an hourly rate for chores... it really is time to fold. There's no room for love and growth when you're both more concerned with a balance sheet than open, honest communication.

You should be discussing rules for communication/arguments. One rule should be not to rehash the past, because nothing can be done about it now. It's always good to regularly have what I call "State of the Union Talks." Ask her what improvements she'd like in the relationship. Ask her what she thinks is fair for how each of you will chip in for bills. If you two can't agree on major issues, you're probably not compatible and perhaps should rethink remaining with someone who beats you up over the past and argues instead of coming up with solutions to make it work between you two.

So she wants you to pay for a sitution that ended 8 months ago???? Sounds like she's pissed you haven't proposed yet. Very common tactic...that they may not realize they are doing.