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Thread: Im shocked and pissed at the people who knew about my girlfriend cheating ??

  1. #21
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    Oh ok this makes sense

  2. #22
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    When my ex cheated on me, a few mutual friends knew. It was a bit murky, as my ex kind of framed things as us being "in a spot" and "on a break," but, yeah, they more or less knew.

    They didn't say anything until after we broke up, and, honestly, I wasn't upset. It was my crazy wave to ride, and personally I'm not one to meddle in other's relationships. Even the most black and white stuff, like cheating, can be a murky swamp to wade into.

    Anyhow, I'm feeling for you, buddy. Nineteen is just not cool on so many levels. But I'd advise you, best you can, to keep your feelings targeted to your gf. This was her doing, her choice, and where you go from here is yours.

    Best of luck.

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    When my ex cheated on me, a few mutual friends knew. It was a bit murky, as my ex kind of framed things as us being "in a spot" and "on a break," but, yeah, they more or less knew.

    They didn't say anything until after we broke up, and, honestly, I wasn't upset. It was my crazy wave to ride, and personally I'm not one to meddle in other's relationships. Even the most black and white stuff, like cheating, can be a murky swamp to wade into.

    Anyhow, I'm feeling for you, buddy. Nineteen is just not cool on so many levels. But I'd advise you, best you can, to keep your feelings targeted to your gf. This was her doing, her choice, and where you go from here is yours.

    Best of luck.
    What does that mean wrong on so many levels ??

  4. #24
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hatefulone82
    Some neigbors
    Some members of commom gatherings
    Possibly some family ( maybe )
    If I were out and I saw my neighbor or acquaintance out with someone who is not their spouse/bf/gf, I wouldn't immediately assume the worst. I might think that is just a coworker, or a friend, or maybe a sister/brother/cousin. And even if I saw them kissing or holding hands, I know a lot of people have open relationships or "don't ask/don't tell" relationships. I wouldn't really feel like it is my place to go up to someone and say, "hey - I saw your gf at Starbucks drinking coffee with another man." For all I know, that was her boss and they were having a meeting, or that guy was just a friend, nothing more. I'd also feel super awkward saying something like, 'I saw your wife kissing someone else in the parking lot, is she allowed to do that??" like, totally not my place.

    As for your family, I would hope they would tell you. I would ask them what they know. It sounds like you're not even sure if they knew or what they knew. If I saw my cousin's husband kissing someone else, I would tell her. But still, I wouldn't know if they have an open marriage or not. They have a good marriage, but I would be hesitant to rock the boat or maybe that's their thing???

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Since you have no clarity about who knows what, I'd decide whether I want to cater to paranoia by playing out a witch hunt to create enemies, or whether serving my own long range interests for social and emotional support is a better option.

    What, exactly, would lashing out to go accusatory on the people in your life buy you? Why 'should' your neighbors and friends have positioned themselves to police your ex?

    I'd rather skip unnecessary drama and make it my private goal, instead, to surprise everyone, including myself, with my resilience and ability to bounce back from this to build a fabulous future for myself.

    Head high.

  7. #26
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    Ew a 19 year old. So she started doing it with him at 18 and 32?...

    She has issues. I wouldn't touch a 23 year old even if he was super hot, and she'd choose a teen..?

  8. #27
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Cheating is wrong. Who she cheats with makes no difference in the long run. It doesn't matter if he's 19, 39, 69, made of green cheese, etc. The net result is the same. You found out, you dumped her. It hurts. Try not to let the understandable feeling of betrayal extravasate into those around you. She cheated, they either weren't sure or weren't close enough to you to say something.

  9. #28
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    be angry for awhile, sure. But do the following:

    1. Get tested for STDs
    2. Do not even think of being intimate with this "lady" without a cleared test. From the both of you.
    3. That said, dump this woman. Cut her out of your life. The age gap is gross; however, any cheating is a show stopper. she trying to justify it as an attraction to athletic guys? Every cheater justifies. Heck, she could have liked paralyzed fly catchers (apologies to such for the example) and it still would be BS.
    4. Lick your wounds and move on. Nothing she could say will fix this.
    5. Find new friends.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    It is so much easier to keep your mouth shut in these instances but it doesn't mean it is the right thing to do.

    The debate about this very thing has happened here on these forums many times.

    Out of all those people someone should have at the very least sent you an anonymous note or something telling you to keep your eyes open in regards to your gf and this young guy.

    Of course this young guy is living a fantasy and will grow tired of her soon enough and now that your gf doesn't have you around to do things where you are seen in public she will realize how stupid she has been.

    If nothing else remind your close friends that no matter what if they KNOW your gf/wife is messing around that you want to know. No exceptions.

    In the end the result was the same but you could have saved yourself a lot of time if your friends/family would have been brave enough to simply tell you the truth.

    I am sorry but she actually did you a huge favor, you now know what type of person she really is...

    Lost

  11. 11-14-2018, 06:40 AM

  12. #30
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Speaking only for myself, I've learned the limited value of 'shoulding' on anyone else. Not because or morality or ethics or trying not to be judgmental, but simply because the only ~practical~ thing it buys me is a few seconds of feeling justified in my own righteousness.

    Beyond that, it amounts to squat. It doesn't change outcomes. It doesn't build bonds. It's one giant serving of alienation based on assumptions and presumptions with nowhere left to go.

    Decide how certain your already are about who knew what. Then operate in your own best interests with each individual--separately, and with clarity about what you can reasonably expect to GAIN from your interactions.

    Head high.

  13. 11-14-2018, 11:11 AM

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