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Thread: Advice please! Why does my husband bring up divorce when we are arguing?

  1. #1

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    Advice please! Why does my husband bring up divorce when we are arguing?

    My husband and I have been together for 10 years and have been married for 5 of those 10 years.
    Sometimes when we are arguing he would suggest that maybe we should get divorced.
    This has happend about 4 times now, and I was wondering if this is normal behavior. Should I be concerned about this or is it normal for a husband to say this during an argument?

  2. #2
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    It is the sign of someone who canít have an effective or respectful disagreement. Name calling and threats are signs that somebody doesnít know how to communicate effectively. Maybe a communication course would help the both of you .

  3. #3
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Never a good way to argue, that's for sure. Whether he's intentionally being emotionally manipulative depends on the subject matter. What specifically are you arguing over? Who brings up the disagreements? If you find yourself having routine arguments or are constantly asking each other to change who the other is, sometimes it gets to the point there's nothing left to argue aside from perhaps you two being unsuitable life partners to one another.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It's to threaten you, shut you down and win the argument and get his way. What are these arguments about and how do they start. Did he chronically threaten to break up when you were dating in order to win arguments and shut you down and turn the tables so you are groveling and begging him not to?

    Next time act indifferent to his abusive threats. Shut the argument down, walk out of the room or simply say, "if that is how you feel" and change the subject.

    In the meantime privately and confidentially consult and attorney and get expert advice to get your ducks in a row and prepare for divorce whether you file, he file or he's bluffing or not. Also privately and confidentially go to a therapist and discuss these arguments and threats to determine what's really going on and what you should do about it.fro
    Originally Posted by HarleyQ
    Sometimes when we are arguing he would suggest that maybe we should get divorced.

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  6. #5
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    I would not spend money on legal advice at this point. Plenty of time to do that if he follows through. What I would do is make sure you know all about the finances - especially if you have joint accounts. You can do this on your own or with a simple book or talk to your financial adviser if you have one. Make sure you are either employed or have marketable skills. Therapy -sure, if you think it would help you.

    Yes, people talk about breaking up when they are upset and it depends how -it can be threatening or it can be an honest expression "when we fight this way I worry that our marriage is going to end" - it depends how/when/why he says it. The next time he says it say "if you really mean that then when we are calm let's talk more about it and see if we have to take some steps to resolve things" (resolve -because that could mean -resolve as in end or resolve as in fix the marriage).

  7. #6
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    It could be that he actually is on the verge of wanting to pull the trigger on divorce. My wife started to do this too and it was not idle manipulation. If he just started doing this recently I wouldn't assume he's just being threatening or manipulative, I'd take it at face value that he's checked out. I'd go to couples counselling and try to figure out what's going on.

  8. #7
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    Not normal and bullying.

    Stop arguing. People who argue all the the time don't know what they're doing.
    Refusing to argue will give hundreds of wasted hours back which you can use to learn what your doing.

  9. #8
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    Well, if you're arguing all the time, maybe you should get a divorce. Arguments are a power struggle, especially if they're about petty things. He might just be abusive and is using this tactic to silence you and get you to back down. What are the arguments usually about?

  10. #9
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Thereís not enough details here.

    He could be manipulative, he could mean it. Thereís really not enough written to know one way or the orher.

  11. #10
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    you have been together for 10 years... when you argued 2 years ago, did he bring up divorce? if not, what has changed? ask him.
    What are you arguing about?
    He is probably just frustrated and trying to end the fight.
    be honest: are you nit picking silly things, or are you fighting about serious issues that need an answer?
    This is typically rule # 1 about fighting... you cant use the D word. It may be time for some marital counseling to work thru whatever is causing he to say that.

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