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Thread: How am I supposed to feel now?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2015

    How am I supposed to feel now?

    Iíve been with my boyfriend for about 5 months now and the relationship became long distance when he moved away for a job but the train journey is only 1.5 hours so we still manage to see each other every weekend taking turns on who comes.

    He is extremely busy with work (and I do know he is) so whenever we do see each other, he spends a lot of his time working on his laptop but does make the effort to spend time with me as well. Am I saying itís easy? No. But itís been working out well for me. Another thing is that he has this issue where he always works himself to the ground as he feels like he hasnít done enough and does worry about that.

    Yesterday we had a chat and he looked deep in thought so I managed to get it out of him and he just said he was worried about us a couple. That he feels bad when he sees me laying around, not spending as much time with me as he would like and wants to make the time we are together count for the both of us but feels like he isnít doing that. He said he is worried that at some point, heís going to feel like he canít do it anymore - as in the relationship. I told him that I am happy with him, and I know what I was getting myself in for (knowing that he is busy with work etc) but Iím happy with the choice I made.

    He did say that he wants to work at it, he wants to be with me and heíll probably feel differently about it in a few days but itís just made me worry now?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    Sorry to hear this. It sounds like the LDR is not working for him. Since he is withdrawing and using the "it's me, not you" excuse, it seems things have progressed with his female roommate, who you claim he kids around with all weekend when you are there, often ignoring you. What is he doing all week that he has to bury his face in his laptop supposedly working when you are there?

    At 5 mos in, it may be best to heed the warning that he is about to pull the plug and end things or just let him end things. Either way, it's time to let go. Why travel all these hours and waste all this time and money on a situation where he already has one foot out the door?
    Originally Posted by shemmyemmy23
    he just said he was worried about us a couple. He said he is worried that at some point, heís going to feel like he canít do it anymore - as in the relationship.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Sorry this is happening... I think when he says
    he just said he was worried about us a couple.
    he's trying to let you down gently on the one hand, but doesn't want to make a clean break until/unless someone better comes along. People who are really into their partners don't worry about how they are as a couple or, indeed, say that they want to "work at it" - they just enjoy each other and get on with it.

    After five months you should have a fair idea about whether you're going to be together for the foreseeable future, and it just seems as though it isn't working for him. I get that you want to be patient and accommodating, but being in a relationship with an ambivalent partner will really eat away at your self esteem and cause more heartache the longer you stay in that situation.

    It will be very painful if you break up with him now, but nothing like as painful as if you hang on in there trying to hold on to something that's on the way out.


  4. #4
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2017
    Boston, MA
    Yeah, I have to join the chorus here. When a guy says this stuff, he's usually trying to justify a reason for breaking up with you. This happens when a guy has met someone else he's interested in dating. I think he was hoping you'd agree with him and let him go. You can be the brave one the next time this comes up and break up on him. It might make everything easier. But just be aware what he's really telling you.


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