A Relationship You Never Thought You Would Be In (Success Stories)

Hello,

I have dated M. for the past 2.5 years and it has been one hell of a roller coaster ride. The main issue has always been him mentally not being ready for a relationship due to just having ended a relationship of 6 years which he also shares a 4 year old with. He was also convicted of a DUI and was going through custody issues, single father issues as well a career loss due to his DUI. He recently shared with me he was battling depression the first 2 years of our relationship.

I tried my best to be understanding but of course someone can only take so much. More and more time passed by and feelings became stronger. I believe you know being with someone through thick and thin not only when times are favorable. I guess you can say that is why i continuously took him back and fought for the relationship. Also, of course this is not an ideal type of situation for anyone to want to be in and i wish no one would ever has to go through that but i was curious if there's any "successful love stories" that didn't start off like your typical relationship. A relationship that faced trial and triumph at the beginning of the relationship opposed to years down the road. How they say maybe you met but it wasn't the right time but then you came back to each other or didn't leave each other and made it work.

Also, ive been reflecting alot about life and i realize the older we become the more baggage we bring on board from previous relationships, let it be physical or mental. Hearing about traumatic relationships either through social media, friends or family, childhood trauma etc. Starting a relationship in your 20s and not having really faced difficult challenges in life is going to be completely different than one you start in your 30's or 40's etc. So please share! I would love to hear any stories.

Well, if you're looking for validation about the current relationship you're in, I can't give you that. Since after 2.5 years he keeps running away from you after all you've done for him, I don't see a happy ending for you. I think you know it too. You should look for someone else who has a history of stable relationships. You're in denial, and you shouldn't have to "fight" to keep the other person in a relationship. Once that pattern has been established, it will just keep repeating over and over. Let him go and find someone worthy to give your heart to.

I know of no good relationships that start out like this, with one person complaining that he/she isn't ready for a relationship. These relationships just continue on with that one person always putting the brakes on about something. Whether it's my childhood sucked, I'm depressed, I'm not ready--it doesn't matter. That's what you're going to get because that's who you're dating. Leopards don't change their spots.

With baggage, you have two choices: Drop it and get on with your life, or use it as a perpetual excuse to never do better and to drag everyone down around you.

I believe you know being with someone through thick and thin not only when times are favorable.

It seems like you believe this, but that he doesn't. You will have a better relationship experience with a man who believes in this as well, and (most importantly) who acts accordingly.

OP - you sound like a very loving, giving person. Sadly, reading between the lines of your post, it seems you're looking for reassurance that a relationship which has consisted of struggle and heartache will come good in the end. That a guy like this

He was also convicted of a DUI and was going through custody issues, single father issues as well a career loss due to his DUI. He recently shared with me he was battling depression the first 2 years of our relationship.

is eventually going to turn into someone capable of a healthy relationship. No, not likely to happen. At least not unless he gets sufficiently motivated to look honestly at his own part in his misfortunes and get professional help. Someone you think you can heal into a relationship is not going to be a good partner.

When I was younger I used to think that someone who said they weren't ready for a relationship just needed patience and understanding... but being older and wiser, these days I would just take them at their word, tell them I respected their feelings and move on.

Sure, we all have baggage, but we also have a choice as to whether we deal with it and give ourselves the space to grow, or thrust it onto someone else and blame everyone but ourselves for our own situation. We have a choice as to whether we add more and more to our baggage with every relationship, or use it as a tool for self-discovery and learn from it. Relationships can face trial and triumph at any stage, but in good relationships the trials can actually bring people closer together rather than tear them apart. A relationship you need to fight for is not one you SHOULD be fighting for!

Is this the "old flame" you reconnected with earlier this year? The man who was dating someone else?

Unfortunately, it sounds as though you would like to hear that being in an abusive on/off fwb relationship with someone who is unemployed and has legal, financial, mental health and multiple other problems will turn out well and be a happily ever after "success story". Sadly no matter how hard you try that is not usually the case.

-it has been one hell of a roller coaster ride.

-He was also convicted of a DUI

-going through custody issue

-career loss due to his DUI.

-he was battling depression