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My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years now ( my first relationship) and its a LDR. So once my boyfriend gave one of his social media password and forgot about it. I forgot about it too then I remembered and logged on in once. There wasn't much stuff that upsetted me badly but recently he has reduced texting me properly and doesn't even wish me goodnight... I checked his searches on his social media account and there were few girls (that he searched for) that had pictures that were very revealing (sexy af). That had really upset me so damn much... like why would u search for strangers (GIRLS) AND CHECK them out when u have a girlfriend? I'm a very conservative type of person and I don't show off my skin much and when I see this it hurts me so bad... but I didn't tell him. He doesn't know that I know his password... I have never checked his profile like every day until now. It's bothering me so much that I have to check.

 

Apart from that, the worst thing was when a girl ( one of his ex-college, acquaintance) posted a story with a caption saying that someone said that she looked like (name) of a porn actress and he replied to that saying that's shocking. He doesn't even text her much like this is the second time. Like ? is that how u strike a conversation with a FEMALE when u have a gf? I HONESTLY don't talk to guys unless they do face to face and I don't really text them. And there he is... texting girls and checking them out and tells me that"I don't talk to girls"...

 

It's really disturbing me mentally like do I really need to go through all this? or am I just overreacting to everything... I have trust issues and this is just making it worse for me... I honestly don't know if I should keep going or leave. please help me understand this bull of a pain I'm feeling right now in my life :upset:... thank you.....

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Brass tacks: you leave.

 

Not because he's looking at a sexy af woman on social media, or responding to a female friend comparing herself to a porn star, but because you probably don't want to be someone who is invading her bf's privacy in search of relationship security. Even if all you found on his page were discussions of the bible, you'd likely feel much the way you do right now: edgy, uncertain, insecure—because that's kind of just what this relationship is.

 

I'm a big believer that moment we're snooping is the moment we realize we're in something that just isn't working. Maybe it's because the person is a secret creep or liar, maybe because we've got some self-worth/trust issues to sort through—often it's a combination of the two. But I assure you there aren't a lot of wedding toasts about how love bloomed and deepened thanks to that moment when he/she started going through her/his social media, you know?

 

I'm sorry for the bull of pain. It sucks. But I think if you look hard, you'll realize it's the relationship causing you pain not what you found online.

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Don't just leave. Run.

 

It sounds to me that you both do not have a good relationship going. One thing I will say is this: I have dated a few women in my 28 years of my life, and one thing I have NEVER done is check their phones or social media accounts, period. I would never ask for my girlfriends social media password. I believe if you have to worry about your SO snooping around at other people, you should not be in that relationship to begin with. A relationship should be about being happy and trusting each other. I would never be controlling to my SO; if she wants to go out with friends and do her thing, I will never attempt to stop her from doing that.

 

As far as your "boyfriend" goes, it sounds to me that he is snooping around looking at other women, that to me is disrespectful to you. You seem like a loyal, caring woman, and you deserve better than that. I'll tell you as a man, I wish I had a woman like you who is just like that; that being said though, if my SO ever asked me to look through my phone and check my social media accounts, that would be the end. If she can't trust me then I don't want to be with her. Kick this boy to the curb, and move on. I can already see a relationship mishap waiting to happen somewhere down the road.

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You posted almost this exact same message almost two years ago:

 

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=528789&p=6741000#post6741000

 

I think you said you were both 18. So now you're 19. It just seems your friend talks to a lot of girls online. I believe you said you didn't see each other much. I think you just have a friendship, it's not a relationship, and he's a normal guy and he likes looking at half naked girls. Nearly all guys do, and 96% admit to watching porn every month, so I don't think he's doing anything out of the ordinary.

 

I do think you're overthinking and you're driving yourself crazy with this if you've been worrying about this since Jan 2017. You need to have a normal relationship with a boyfriend who lives nearby where you can go out on dates, hold hands, kiss, and do all that kind of mushy romantic stuff. Get out of your bedroom with your texting and Facetiming and find somebody nice. Don't get involved in any more online relationships.

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One thing that I noticed about todays society and I think most other people would agree, we are overtaken by social media. Honestly, what good is it doing for you if you only get to see this guy through the screen of your phone for the most part? Are you waiting for him to come closer? How much longer do you have to wait for him to come closer, has he told you? Personally, I would always be around for my SO, no doubt. Picture this: I'm in a relationship with a woman I love, and I get offered a job with a six-figure salary, with awesome benefits; only downside is, it's 200 miles away from my SO. Would I take it? You bet everything you have I would say "thanks but no thanks". I believe that your loved ones always come first. I don't do LDR anymore, it's all just a hanging by a thread game that I refuse to play.

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Well if your boyfriend was really cheating on you or trying to cheat, then why would he have actually given you his password to social media? People that are trying to hide something wouldn't just hand their password out. Also let's get real here, as humans we are creatures that are largely biologically driven and have desires. I'm sure sometimes you see attractive guys out and about and maybe can't help checking them out? When you say your boyfriend is looking up women he doesn't know on social media, what do you mean by that? If he doesn't know them, are they celebrities or models? How can he just find random women on social media, you would have to look up particular people's names to find someone on social media...?

 

Does your boyfriend actually message these women, or just look at their pictures? Look I know it's obviously not pleasant to know your boyfriend looks at other women, but if he's not actually contacting them then I wouldn't say he's trying to cheat. In any case, I think what you're doing is wrong. Secretly logging into your partner's social media is betraying their trust. If you want to know if your boyfriend is faithful to you, you should just talk to him. Doing this behind his back isn't going to help you because it'll just make him think he can't trust you.

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