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Thread: Ex-wife is still too involved?

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by nutbrownhare
    Sadly, if you continue to date this guy, then his ex wife and their children are very much part of the package. Although you're not doing anything morally wrong - since he's technically divorced and available - in effect you are the "other woman" and will be subject to all the emotional strain that someone who was having an affair with a married man would be.

    He has clearly not cut the emotional ties with his ex, and isn't likely to be doing so any time soon. There is absolutely no incentive for him to stop doing activities as an intact family, especially if he's got a partner who is willing to stand by, be patient, and tolerate being alone at holiday time and having dates constantly interrupted etc etc. I make no judgement as to whether this is good or bad, right or wrong, but what you need to ask yourself is if this is what you want from a relationship, and if not, cut loose. The longer you leave it, the worse the heartache will be.

    Your guy may be the most wonderful person in the world - but he is not available for a meaningful relationship with anyone else right now, and you need to decide whether or not you could cope with that.
    I agree with this and I think the only thing he is doing wrong is attempting to date someone seriously. If this is the arrangement he and his ex wife want it's a free country and he is entitled. I wouldn't judge "too close" or anything like that. But, he should have been honest from the get go about the relationship -not even "personal" -I mean the actual logistics including traveling with her. I dated someone 15 years ago for about 2 months. He had a short term ex girlfriend and from what I could glean she got pregnant on purpose because she was in her early 40s (he didn't want to tell me if this was true as he felt it wasn't fair to malign her that way but I could tell it was). The baby was born after we'd been dating about a month. He told me that he would be sleeping over at her place to help with infant feedings through the night. She very much wanted him back and wanted him to marry her. I completely understood why he would want to do overnight duty for his infant daughter and I knew right then I would never be able to handle this type of situation. We dated another month and I ended things. I had never dated someone with children and never been in this particular situation. Perhaps your boyfriend -giving him the benefit of the doubt -thought you would accept this/he could make it work . He's human. I still think he should have told you all the details right up front.

    I'm sorry if you've grown attached -it will only get worse if you stay -the attachment and your resentment.

  2. #22
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    I think its wrong to expect the children to have you in their lives AT ALL. The son shouldn't have to ask for you not to come - you should not have met them yet.

    I think its wonderful that he and his ex attend birthday parties together for the kids. I see nothing wrong with that. And YES he should be with his kids on Halloween instead of a 10 week girlfriend. I do see something wrong with the conference -- if they were both going to a work conferene and they happened to be on the same flight - that's not weird. But calling it a vacation is. Instead of keeping this to yourself, why don't you say "i don't know if you have dated much since you divorced, but this is how it looks....." I would tell him what the ex told you (about not to date him) and i would ask what the plan of pulling away to move on from the ex for a new relationship.

    This guy is not far enough away from the divorce, methinks, even if it has been 3 years.

    The calls are his problem, not hers. He needs to not answer during dates/ and or/not tell them he is on a date.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Op: I'm going to respectfully change your title from
    Ex-wife is still too involved
    to

    New Boyfriend Still Too Involved With His Ex Wife

    Time to look at it realistically!

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    Op: I'm going to respectfully change your title from to

    New Boyfriend Still Too Involved With His Ex Wife

    Time to look at it realistically!
    Ha! This is perfect.

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