He left me after 6 years together

Hi guys

Im a 27 years girl from Denmark, so I apologize for my bad English.

My ex boyfriend left me 2 months ago. We had been together for 6 years and lived together for 5 years.

He became unemployed in January and was struggling to find a job. A week before he left me he filled 30 years.

I was his first serious girlfriend and the first girlfriend who met his friends and family.

He suddenly told me out of the blue that he did not love me, he said he had never been in love with me and did not want a future with me.

We have always had a strong relationship, never fought . We always laughed together, silly, went on trips and had great sex.

Of course, I have begged and asked him to give us a chance but he refuses.

We both got a new apartment seperate.

When I ask him if he regrets his decision, he says no. He says he will not give us a chance. He does not love me and never did. It hurts when we use to talk about getting children together and buying a house together. He has always said that he loved me and suddenly he said that he just said it to make me happy but never meant it.

He says he has made the right decision to end the relationship and that we will never get back together.

I know I should let go, but I can not understand how he can say that after 6 years together. Why do he not miss me? I really thought we were happy. Everyone is shocked at his choice, even his family and friends.

Should I believe what he says and realize he never loved me?

Sorry this happened. It sounds like he got frightened about a committed future together. Yes he did love you at some point, but something happened. Was there an argument? How is he dealing with unemployment? Did he meet someone?

My ex boyfriend left me 2 months ago. We had been together for 6 years and lived together for 5 years.

He became unemployed in January and was struggling to find a job.

He suddenly told me out of the blue that he did not love me, he said he had never been in love with me and did not want a future with me.

Should I believe what he says and realize he never loved me?

No there was no argument at all.

I came Home after work and then he told me :-( he says theres no one els and he said he havent meet anyone.

He miss having a job, he just do some work out in the mornings and then he sat Home waiting for me to come Home from work

Sorry this happened. It sounds like he got frightened about a committed future together. Yes he did love you at some point, but something happened. Was there an argument? How is he dealing with unemployment? Did he meet someone?

No there was no argument at all.

I came Home after work and then he told me :-( he says theres no one els and he said he havent meet anyone.

He miss having a job, he just do some work out in the mornings and then he sat Home waiting for me to come Home from work

I would have a hard time believing he never loved you at all, and I find it very odd that he is suddenly telling you this.

Looking back, can you see any signs that he was pulling away from you? Less interested than he once was?

I would have a hard time believing he never loved you at all, and I find it very odd that he is suddenly telling you this.

 

Looking back, can you see any signs that he was pulling away from you? Less interested than he once was?

No nothing, Thats why it was such a shock to me, but also for his own family, his friends and my family.

It also took him 1 month before he even told his friends that he has left me. It came out of nowere :-(

I Know he has been struggle with finding a job, but everyday I told him, that i was sure that the dream job will be there soon and that he was good at his job

I know it's a very difficult shock to process. You have my sympathy, OP.

I think all you can do is assume that something has been brewing for a while inside him, some doubts about the relationship. There is probably more to his decision that he's decided not to share, for whatever reason, and you might not ever really know what led him to make this choice.

This is related to why he isn't telling you he misses you. He knew this was coming and was mentally prepared for it. You are in the middle of the emotional roller-coaster that comes with an unexpected and unwanted break-up; he's already ridden over the biggest and steepest ascent, so to speak. That's not to say he doesn't miss your presence or you as a person, but he might not miss the relationship. I realize that is probably hard to hear but if he's been insisting that he was just going through the motions with you for the last several years, his feelings about ending it are going to be very different from yours. Whether it's another woman, a particularly bad depressive episode or a sad truth that he was never in love, you are going to need plenty of patience with yourself to process this. I hope you have great family and friends around you to support you through this.

Where did he move to? How could he afford to live without his job? Did he receive unemployment pay? Was he depressed or drinking a lot?

He miss having a job, he just do some work out in the mornings and then he sat Home waiting for me to come Home from work

Where did he move to? How could he afford to live without his job? Did he receive unemployment pay? Was he depressed or drinking a lot?

He is living at his sisters summer house right now and he can be there till he finds a job.

In Denmark you receive money from the state if you have not got a job after completion of education. He didnt seem depressed. He has always been a stay home guy, he loved when we just sat on the couch and watch movies and series. He dont drink or smoke

I know it's a very difficult shock to process. You have my sympathy, OP.

 

I think all you can do is assume that something has been brewing for a while inside him, some doubts about the relationship. There is probably more to his decision that he's decided not to share, for whatever reason, and you might not ever really know what led him to make this choice.

 

This is related to why he isn't telling you he misses you. He knew this was coming and was mentally prepared for it. You are in the middle of the emotional roller-coaster that comes with an unexpected and unwanted break-up; he's already ridden over the biggest and steepest ascent, so to speak. That's not to say he doesn't miss your presence or you as a person, but he might not miss the relationship. I realize that is probably hard to hear but if he's been insisting that he was just going through the motions with you for the last several years, his feelings about ending it are going to be very different from yours. Whether it's another woman, a particularly bad depressive episode or a sad truth that he was never in love, you are going to need plenty of patience with yourself to process this. I hope you have great family and friends around you to support you through this.

Thank you so much for your answer.

I know your right but it just hurts so bad. Less than 2 weeks Before he broke up, we talked about travel and we even planned christmas together like we did 2 years Ago. And christmas was his idea.

I just can't belive he is Saying that he does not love me, never did and that we'll never getting back together.

He said that is was not something I did, but just how he feels :-(

I bet he "met" someone online.

Do you have internet service at home? Did he spend time online?

I think he was cruel in the way he ended things. It was unnecessary for him to say what he did. I also think he met someone else .

Was he looking for a job? If is hard to believe that he could not find anything.

I'm sorry that he did this. It is time for you to move on. He does not want to reconcile and does not love up.

I bet he "met" someone online.

 

Do you have internet service at home? Did he spend time online?

I was just wondering the same thing.

There are two lines that cheaters often use to justify their actions in an exit affair..... The most popular is "I love you, but i'm not in love with you" and the second is "I never loved you". If you hear either, there's a good chance you're being cheated on.

I've been in quite a few discussions about the use of "I never loved you" as I and many others were given that line too and it cuts to the bone.

If he is cheating, the feeling of being with someone new is amazing and something you can no longer replicate together. Lust is a powerful emotion, it feels like love and he hasn't felt something that intense for 5 years, when you were in a honey moon period. That feeling is easily forgotten, so anything new feels like something far greater than he had with you.

I also think it was so cruel to say those things to you. The pain caused by rejection, especially after being with someone for so long, is almost impossible to bear. I'm sure that he loved you or else he wouldn't have stayed with you for so long. I am so very sorry that you have to bear this horrible pain, particularly if you have no idea why he did this. Some people are so thoughtless. As Hollyj said, it was totally unnecessary to say those awful things to you. I wish I could put my arms around you and offer you some comfort. Perhaps he did meet someone on-line but, again, he could have handled it differently and not hurt you so much. You do need to move on and focus on trying to heal from this sad experience. This is very difficult to achieve and will take a lot of time but you must do it, for your sake and sanity. Try not to focus on those offensive words that he said to you. Know that it's not about what you did. It sounds like you supported him and he wasn't able to appreciate it. I hope you find peace, with time. Hugs. xx

You need to accept the break up, let go and move on. He probably loved you in the past but he does not anymore. He changed. His feelings changed. He probably has convinced himself of all the things that he told you but he probably did love you at some point. Lots of dumpers re-write history in their minds so as to feel that abandoning their significant other was justified. Turning 30, he took an inventory of his life and sadly he decided that he did not see you as the one. His communication skills were so poor that he blindsided you instead. He sounds like a loser. In time you will realize that you dodged a bullet. He was not the one for you.

When a guy tells you he doesn't love you and never did, believe him.

Many people go through the motions without the feelings. I actually suspect more people do this than not after private discussions with many of my guy friends. I have had male friends tell me they never loved their exes that they strung along for well over 5 years. Some stayed for convenience, thought it was the logical choice on paper, sometimes out of obligation because the woman depended on them, etc.

One day, you will be grateful that he didn't marry you so that you are available for the guy who will mutually love you.

I bet he "met" someone online.

 

Do you have internet service at home? Did he spend time online?

Only FB, i think.. 😞

I think he was cruel in the way he ended things. It was unnecessary for him to say what he did. I also think he met someone else .

 

Was he looking for a job? If is hard to believe that he could not find anything.

 

I'm sorry that he did this. It is time for you to move on. He does not want to reconcile and does not love up.

Yea he was looking for a job after he was educated as an educator

I just hope that some dag he realizes what he has lost

I also think it was so cruel to say those things to you. The pain caused by rejection, especially after being with someone for so long, is almost impossible to bear. I'm sure that he loved you or else he wouldn't have stayed with you for so long. I am so very sorry that you have to bear this horrible pain, particularly if you have no idea why he did this. Some people are so thoughtless. As Hollyj said, it was totally unnecessary to say those awful things to you. I wish I could put my arms around you and offer you some comfort. Perhaps he did meet someone on-line but, again, he could have handled it differently and not hurt you so much. You do need to move on and focus on trying to heal from this sad experience. This is very difficult to achieve and will take a lot of time but you must do it, for your sake and sanity. Try not to focus on those offensive words that he said to you. Know that it's not about what you did. It sounds like you supported him and he wasn't able to appreciate it. I hope you find peace, with time. Hugs. xx

It just hurts so bad cause I love Him, and I Really saw a furture with him :-( im so confused :'(

Unfortunately, if this guy is telling the truth, you deserve better. If he's lying, you deserve better. Saying this particular thing if it's not true is totally unacceptable/extremely careless of your feelings. Even if this was true for me after a 5 year relationship, I don't think I would admit it to someone. It's just an awful thing that probably makes you feel like all your memories were a lie. Continue to post here rather than reaching out to him. He sounds firm in his resolve to move on and you deserve someone to love you completely.

Unfortunately, if this guy is telling the truth, you deserve better. If he's lying, you deserve better. Saying this particular thing if it's not true is totally unacceptable/extremely careless of your feelings. Even if this was true for me after a 5 year relationship, I don't think I would admit it to someone. It's just an awful thing that probably makes you feel like all your memories were a lie. Continue to post here rather than reaching out to him. He sounds firm in his resolve to move on and you deserve someone to love you completely.

Yea and that's exactly how I feel, that our whole relationship for 6 years has been one big lie. When I told him this, he refused and said that it was not a lie, and that we had a good relationship. I am then confused :-(

It sounds like you were more invested in the relationship than he was. For some people living together can just be a convenience rather than any sort of future. It sounds like you were driving the relationship too much talking about future and kids etc, and he just passively agreed to keep the peace.

Also you started dating very young and started living together after a year very young. Being this tied down for so long and so young can mean people grow apart or get restless and bored.

When he turned 30 and lost his job it sounds like he had a lot of time to reflect about things and decided he can't just keep coasting along with you pushing and driving everything. He doesn't want to hurt you by leaving or by continuing to coast along complacently. Therefore he made a clean break with a reason for you to stop begging and not give you false hope.

Now it's time for you to calm down and reflect what was really going on. That is the only way you will feel better. Staying in denial that everything was so perfect and it's impossible that he met someone and so on, will just prolong your shock and pain.

we talked about travel and we even planned christmas together like we did 2 years Ago. He said that is was not something I did, but just how he feels :-(

It sounds like you were more invested in the relationship than he was. For some people living together can just be a convenience rather than any sort of future. It sounds like you were driving the relationship too much talking about future and kids etc, and he just passively agreed to keep the peace.

 

Also you started dating very young and started living together after a year very young. Being this tied down for so long and so young can mean people grow apart or get restless and bored.

 

When he turned 30 and lost his job it sounds like he had a lot of time to reflect about things and decided he can't just keep coasting along with you pushing and driving everything. He doesn't want to hurt you by leaving or by continuing to coast along complacently. Therefore he made a clean break with a reason for you to stop begging and not give you false hope.

 

Now it's time for you to calm down and reflect what was really going on. That is the only way you will feel better. Staying in denial that everything was so perfect and it's impossible that he met someone and so on, will just prolong your shock and pain.

Your right. And I have told him am sorry for pushing about our furture together cause I could see that I made mistakes about that after the break up.

I just wish he would have told me the truth years before and not wait 6 years to tell me.

It was him that made the deal with the bank to talk about buying a house, not me.