His actions don't match his words..

I have known this guy for awhile now, and we started getting serious a few months ago. Things went great, and they did start to move a little fast for us, but we were okay with it, and we went on to talk about the future and what we want in life, and he even asked me if he joined the military if I could handle it, and we even talked about marriage even though it was way early but we are both adults and figured it was okay to talk about the future with us. We were hanging out the one day, and he asked me what my feeling were for him, and i told him, and explained that the love for him is there, and needless to say he did end up telling me he loved me. He then told me a few days later that he wasn't sure how its supposed to feel to love, but he thought he knew now. He did act very caring and genuine, and still does but now he has less contact with me, and even ignores me, but says he doesn't mean to intentionally. We did call it off in September because he finally opened up and told me he wasn't ready for anything serious because he is scared to know what will happen, and he has these problems due to the past relationship he was in, and she ended up leaving him and running off with his child and got married. I understood and gave him some space, and we went back to talking again and we eventually agreed to do a FWB relationship. Now this week he has gone completely ghost again, and i have not heard from him since monday morning, and its honestly starting to take a toll on me because i feel like im being drugged around with him, and at times i feel like all he wants is sex. So out of anger and frustration I blocked him, but the next day I got a friend request from a guy, and i went to view it and realized the profile was fake, but he added me and my sister. Im about 100% positive it was him. If it is why is he doing this if hes not wanting to pursue a relationship with me? He goes from a loving caring person too a cold shoulder person. His words just don't match his actions, and im not sure what to do anymore. Its starting to hurt me because I feel hes not the same person that I fell for anymore because hes changed. I watch how he reacts with me, and he always seems to brighten up when he sees me, and he jokes around alot and picks on me in a cute way, and he usually acts very shy around me at first, and when we hug its never a quick one its usually long with what feels like alot of emotion behind it. What do i do? Im very lost at this point so I need help!

Why would you allow yourself to be demoted to a FWB?

I am glad you blocked. There is no future. He is a waste of time. I would bet money he dating others. He didn't change, this is the real him.

He was hot until you told him you loved him. He then realized he had to follow through on his word. "he finally opened up and told me he wasn't ready for anything serious because he is scared to know what will happen, and he has these problems due to the past relationship he was in" He has serious trust issues, and will continue to screw with women's lives.

He wants you around for sex and an ego boost. My ex did the same as this guy! They are users and jerks. Anytime someone sweeps you in so early-I see you conveniently left out the timeline- the sooner they will leave the relationship. Healthy relationships move at a good pace. Not rushed.

I suggest you look at baggagerecalim.com I also believe you missed/ignored many red flags.

I'm not sure why you're surprised that "all he wants is sex," after consenting to be FWBs? The bottom line is if he wants to be with you, he will. You can't lure him back by stooping to the level of sleeping with him, if anything, that will only result in him losing all respect for you, as well as losing your own self-respect.

I'm sorry for your pain, but you have nothing to gain, and he has nothing to lose, by continuing to get the goods for free...so to speak.

I'd start by upping my value, and respecting myself.

You know, guys do this. They're not in touch with their feelings and this guy has been burnt by a previous relationship. He's damaged goods. As soon as he realized he was entering a relationship, zoom, he pulls back and treats you like a FWB. I think you have to forget about him and look for someone else.

You know, guys do this. They're not in touch with their feelings and this guy has been burnt by a previous relationship. He's damaged goods. As soon as he realized he was entering a relationship, zoom, he pulls back and treats you like a FWB. I think you have to forget about him and look for someone else.

DZ this^ is interesting. I recently read something about this -- how some men's anxieties/fears result in them sexually objectifying a woman they're beginning to have feelings for (and either can't or don't want to deal with), as a way to maintain emotional distance.

Hence why he "demoted" the OP to a FWB.

And we read so many threads about this too, how a guy will become close (emotionally) then suddenly pull back and only want sex. Turn her into a sex object due to his fears of relationships/commitment/emotional intimacy, trust issues, etc.

What do you think about this? True in some cases?

When do you see him? Do you work together? Do you go to high school together?

Unfortunately, he never wanted anything serious. All the "we" talk and future talk was a red flag that he was stringing you along. He didn't "use" you, you agreed to fwb.

Delete and block him from all social media and messaging apps.. Stop contacting him. Avoid him, if that is not possible, be polite but stop the hugs. Teasing you is a sign that he never was and still isn't serious. If you want a real bf, get rid of this guy and start dating boys who want what you want.

-We did call it off in September

-told me he wasn't ready for anything serious

-we eventually agreed to do a FWB relationship.

-i feel like all he wants is sex.

-he jokes around alot and picks on me in a cute way

 

I have known this guy for awhile now, and we started getting serious a few months ago. Things went great, and they did start to move a little fast for us, but we were okay with it, and we went on to talk about the future and what we want in life, and he even asked me if he joined the military if I could handle it, and we even talked about marriage even though it was way early but we are both adults and figured it was okay to talk about the future with us. We were hanging out the one day, and he asked me what my feeling were for him, and i told him, and explained that the love for him is there, and needless to say he did end up telling me he loved me.

^^ Boy this guy sure put forth a lot of effort and emotional energy just to get sex and string you along.

Sorry not buying it, there is more to it, something deeper.

I think given his own deeper feelings and the reality of how serious things were getting, he started over-thinking, trust issues and past hurts rose to the surface, he couldn't handle/did not want and as a way to get distance (emotionally), proceeded to sexually objectify you to FWB.

If not, if all the energy/effort, expression of emotions, etc. was all done as a manipulation to get sex and string you along, then damn the guy is a freaken sociopath.

Well, he did tell you he wasn't ready for anything serious. And his current behaviour does support that assertion.

I don't think it's complicated, even though it hurts. He might have got swept up in the moment or felt he should reciprocate when you said you love him, and realized later that he shouldn't have said it back because that's not actually how he feels.

In any event, agreeing to be his FWB was not a good idea. As you can see, it has brought you nothing but pain and confusion, OP. It's time to stop seeing him so you can move on and find a guy who wants the same things you do.

Agree with MissCanuck.

However, what's confusing is -- IF he did not actually love her and only said it because he felt he should recipricate when she said it, then why the heck did HE bother asking her how she felt in the first place? Makes no sense.

If he didn't love her, he would have stayed as far away from that convo as he could. NOT open that door by asking her.

I think he got nervous/scared, but nevertheless the end result is the same.

He does not want what you want OP, period end of. I'm sorry,

You can ask how someone feels about you out of curiousity. It doesn't need to mean they have much feeling towards you.

In this situation though, I think he developed feelings and got scared due to past baggage and now wants to run.

I'm sorry but it's time to accept that and move on.

Agree with MissCanuck.

 

However, what's confusing is -- IF he did not actually love her and only said it because he felt he should recipricate when she said it, then why the heck did HE bother asking her how she felt in the first place? Makes no sense.

Perhaps because he sensed she was more invested, and wanted to clarify.