Was I being too forward in asking this?

This does not have anything to do with the guy I like, but it does have something to do with the railfanning group I hang with. Today I posted on FB that I may go back out to MO to that little town to go trainwatching by myself in Jan or Feb. I love winter weather and miss seeing that, considering I live in CA. I had a good time out there and want to go train watch again, even by myself. I do know people who live there and probably can hang with people there.

A few people gave me advice about when to do it and one of the guys posted that he and his wife were going to be passing through on their drive to CA. They live on the East Coast. They posted that winter train watching is cold but fun. This guy and his wife were really kind to me when I was out in this town since they were also there to train watch and they shuttled me around in their car.

Since they were heading to CA, I IMd them about maybe meeting up with them to take them out dinner while they were in CA. I said Tim and I could take them out to dinner as a way to thank them for their kindness (I have told people on the railfan group and out there, that TIm and I are together). There's a long story about that.

They haven't replied to me.

Do you think I was too forward in asking to take them out to dinner? They had told me when I was out at the train thing that they were coming out to CA to visit some people who they know from the railfan group.

I meant no harm by it.

Sounds perfectly fine to me!

Sometimes I sound too eager to be friendly to people and that can be a turnoff.

I personally think that was so thoughtful of you. Perhaps they didn't receive your message. That does happen sometimes. How long ago did you sent that msg to them?

Nope. Not at all.

Goddess, I sent the message about an hour ago via FB messenger. We'll see what happens.

Only an hour? If they have their phone off, or they're charging it, they wouldn't have seen it. Give it a couple of days.

Chill......

That was a great and kind thing to do. He might not message you back until he talks to his wife about it, or if you are not direct FB friends, he may not even see the message because its in his "message requests". I would just not think anything of it and just see if he messages you sometime before the trip.

He is FB friends with me. I saw that he did read the message. I will let it be and see if he gets back to me.

I am very thankful to them for taking me around and making me feel included

He is FB friends with me. I saw that he did read the message. I will let it be and see if he gets back to me.

 

I am very thankful to them for taking me around and making me feel included

I have been meaning to respond to a message since last week - if it requires me to check with another person before responding then i don't always get back to someone right away.

you don't need to be this anxious when it comes to casual/interest based friendships.

He is FB friends with me. I saw that he did read the message. I will let it be and see if he gets back to me.

 

I am very thankful to them for taking me around and making me feel included

So here's the issue -your self esteem in this is so low that you're questioning whether inviting a couple to treat them for dinner is too forward. Didn't they get the pleasure of your company too? Perhaps they liked hanging out with you and weren't doing it out of obligation? Certainly if they acted as tour guides that's going above and beyond. Perhaps they want to have a couple only dinner on their trip no matter who asks. And that's fine -nothing personal.

Only an hour? If they have their phone off, or they're charging it, they wouldn't have seen it. Give it a couple of days.

I agree with DanZee. Give it a couple of days and just see what happens. If they don't get back to you, just let it be.

So here's the issue -your self esteem in this is so low that you're questioning whether inviting a couple to treat them for dinner is too forward. Didn't they get the pleasure of your company too? Perhaps they liked hanging out with you and weren't doing it out of obligation? Certainly if they acted as tour guides that's going above and beyond. Perhaps they want to have a couple only dinner on their trip no matter who asks. And that's fine -nothing personal.

Sorry, but I beg to differ. I don't think it has anything to do with self-esteem at all. Come on, let's get real. They were kind to her and she simply wanted to show her gratitude by inviting them out to dinner. Plain and simple. She is, apparently, a kind and considerate person. Again, I think that was not forward in any way.

Please read my post. I agree with you. It’s a lovely gesture for someone who showed her around. As far as including her - well no I think that’s just common courtesy with rare exception - meaning is they went out of their way to include a person who was being bullied or excluded by others then that is going the extra mile. What baffles me is why she is worried that offering to treat someone to dinner is too forward. That tells me she is so insecure that she doesn’t even trust her basic common sense decisions. That’s worrisome and also since she is feeling insecure about the guy she is crushing on I think it is bleeding over into other basic decisions.

Please read my post. I agree with you. It’s a lovely gesture for someone who showed her around. As far as including her - well no I think that’s just common courtesy with rare exception - meaning is they went out of their way to include a person who was being bullied or excluded by others then that is going the extra mile. What baffles me is why she is worried that offering to treat someone to dinner is too forward. That tells me she is so insecure that she doesn’t even trust her basic common sense decisions. That’s worrisome and also since she is feeling insecure about the guy she is crushing on I think it is bleeding over into other basic decisions.

I guess that is one way to look at it, for sure. I would probably have the same concern to a some degree. I tend to worry about not offending others and at the same time exercising common courtesy. I am unsure in certain situations. xx

I guess that is one way to look at it, for sure. I would probably have the same concern to a some degree. I tend to worry about not offending others and at the same time exercising common courtesy. I am unsure in certain situations. xx

Me too, totally. And in this particular situation and based on this and her last posts I had this opinion.

Very nice offer. The couple may need to check their schedule and plans with others to see if they can work out a fit. Fingers crossed!

Well so far I have not heard anything back. I’m not saying anything about this. I have noticed that he isn’t as friendly on the chat site to me, whereas before he would explain stuff if I asked, now he is kind of aloof and short. Just observing.

Im letting this go and will not bring it up again.

I could also be over analyzing this, so I will just step back and let it go and see what happens

Well so far I have not heard anything back. I’m not saying anything about this. I have noticed that he isn’t as friendly on the chat site to me, whereas before he would explain stuff if I asked, now he is kind of aloof and short. Just observing.

 

Im letting this go and will not bring it up again.

 

I could also be over analyzing this, so I will just step back and let it go and see what happens

I wouldn't "wait" -you offered and for infinite reasons people decline -but I think he should reply either way. He may have seen but not read it and be busy.

I could also be over analyzing this, so I will just step back and let it go and see what happens

Yes, you are personalizing this unnecessarily.

I've found it helpful to consider any invitation I've put 'out there' as my expression of desire. Period. A gift. Not a contract--and nothing to be embarrassed about, or monitor, or interpret beyond an issue of timing.

This throws the ball outside of my court, and if it gets hit back, great. If not, it's not even memorable--I may try again next season or whatever.

Interpreting a lack of receptivity to anything specific as a rejection doesn't buy you anything of value. I'd rather trust all heart connections as valid, and if our calendars align, great. If not, then the time we enjoyed together had its own merits, and I'm inspired to continue my pursuit of this kind of connection with others.

Head high, and trust your unique value. Some people will enjoy it for a reason, a season, or forever--and you can't predict those outcomes.

Well, they got back to me. They want to do a lunch while they are out here. We will work out the plans closer to when they come out here.

Thanks for the advice.

Well, they got back to me. They want to do a lunch while they are out here. We will work out the plans closer to when they come out here.

 

Thanks for the advice.

Great news!

Well, they got back to me. They want to do a lunch while they are out here. We will work out the plans closer to when they come out here.

 

Thanks for the advice.

Wonderful news! EnjOy.