Ended things with FWB, she wrote this... any of it worth reading into?

I was in a FWB with someone for about 2 months, never fought, no drama, nothing like that. She said there was someone else, didn't want to sleep with 2 guys at once, but wrote me this;

"You don’t owe me anything, least of all an apology. It’s human nature to get attached and I understand if it felt like the rug was pulled from underneath you. Regardless, for me, there weren’t emotions involved, which was why it was easy for me to be suddenly done. Regardless of what happened or how, you were what I needed in a sincerely ed up time of my life, and that shouldn’t be forgotten. And honestly, it’s not personal at all. You didn’t do anything “wrong,” so I hope you don’t feel like that’s the case."

I'm perfectly all right with being a rebound, but always felt like she gave me mixed signals during our time together.

As for now, I'm just backing off on social media stuff/texting her.

There isn't really anything to read into, OP.

She sounds like a kind enough person who didn't want to hurt you, but wants you to know that your feelings for her were not mutual. And now she has found someone she wants to date.

Yes, it's time to keep your distance. You're not going to want a front-row seat to her new love life with another guy.

To me, you wanted more from the FWB but it suited her fine as it was. THis is how FWB often ends, with one side catching feelings and getting hurt because they are unrequited. At least she is friends enough to admit what the situation is, and kind enough to tell you to move on.

Let her go and move on. Perhaps look for someone interested in more than just sex next time.

Maybe you misunderstood the FWB part. It's not a relationship. It's just about having sex with someone you know.

To me, you wanted more from the FWB but it suited her fine as it was. THis is how FWB often ends, with one side catching feelings and getting hurt because they are unrequited. At least she is friends enough to admit what the situation is, and kind enough to tell you to move on.

 

Let her go and move on. Perhaps look for someone interested in more than just sex next time.

I was perfectly fine with just sex, I figured it was just a rollercoaster ride that was unlimited. Due to my work schedule I barely have enough time for myself, so a relationship isn’t something I’m looking for.

I’m also an affectionate lover too, I tend to make women feel very adored and appreciated, she told me (after we hooked up one last time) that she loved my touches, my kisses and the sex.

However it’s worth noting she did get dumped earlier this year after a 4 year relationship. She slid into my DMs and this all just snowballed!

I don’t know her reason as to why she abruptly stopped even, but I wasn’t genuinely surprised by her message as it made me feel good about myself and being there for her.

I’m sad you lost your fwb but happy with the way she ended it. A lot of times, fwb are jerks who just start pulling away, ignore, or ghost, and you’re left wondering with a bunch of whys. Definitely pull all the way back now, don’t reach out first, don’t look at her posts. It sucks that fwb are ready at the same time to start it but both rarely ever in the same space for it to stop at the same time.

Wow that is condescending/arrogant. Who writes this type of narcissistic crap "it's easy for me to pull away because I used you when I needed to"? Block and delete her.

"You don’t owe me anything, least of all an apology. It’s human nature to get attached and I understand if it felt like the rug was pulled from underneath you. Regardless, for me, there weren’t emotions involved, which was why it was easy for me to be suddenly done. Regardless of what happened or how, you were what I needed in a sincerely ed up time of my life, and that shouldn’t be forgotten. And honestly, it’s not personal at all. You didn’t do anything “wrong,” so I hope you don’t feel like that’s the case."

I don’t know her reason as to why she abruptly stopped even, but I wasn’t genuinely surprised by her message as it made me feel good about myself and being there for her.

It sounds like she's been seeing someone she wants to date, and since she is going to be sexually active with him, she had to cut you loose.

What was the message you sent her before she sent you the one you copied in this thread? What apology is she referring to?

I seen it as rather cold..like she wanted to dump you as quick and fast as possible while letting you know that you meant little to nothing even though you swapped body fluids.

I don't see warmth in it at all.

I think if you want romance and there to be genuine feelings, you'd need to get a genuine girlfriend and not a meaningless fling.

Wow that is condescending/arrogant. Who writes this type of narcissistic crap "it's easy for me to pull away because I used you when I needed to"? Block and delete her.

I don't think anyone was "used" when they both volunteered for a NSA sexual relationship.

@Op: She closed a door with that letter. If I were you, I'd keep the door closed and just get on with finding someone who is ready to be in something a little more mutual. Hopefully you'll have your own dating end goals figured out by then and won't need someone as "filler."

It sounds like she's been seeing someone she wants to date, and since she is going to be sexually active with him, she had to cut you loose.

 

What was the message you sent her before she sent you the one you copied in this thread? What apology is she referring to?

So about 2 weeks ago, I went over to her place to return some books I had borrowed, and we hung out for a bit, it got super friendly and then ended up having sex again (most likely last time)

When it came to saying goodbye I was like "This is the last time I'm going to see you isn't it?" and she nodded her head, but really gave me a deep hug and kept kissing me a lot, I mean it was pretty genuine.

I kind of had to digest my thoughts and for like 2 days went without saying a thing to her, even though she would text me on and off (like a few days after the arrangement ended)

This is what I wrote because I kind of figured that I wasn't going to be that typical guy mentality of 'no contact' or pretending to showcase my life on social media saying "your loss"

You know, what most 'dating coaches' or PUA's tend to tell you to do. I just decided to be REAL.

I wrote this;

I owe you an apology, it’s in typical male behavior to pretend to act all ‘stoic’ as most guys would do in some fashion of something ending.

I think that’s just about holding on the fragility of an ego.

That’s not right of me to do that to you when you’ve been upfront with me. So I went back and re-read our conversation in the beginning and

I found where you said “I’ve told you from the get go that this is all attention-seeking, I could decided at any second I’m not interested.

Seems I had forgotten that part about knowing what I was getting into."

Geez, she really was cold.

Kisses and pretending to care means little to nothing. At the end of the day she got rid of you, right?

Wam, bam, thank you ma'am ...next.

Geez, she really was cold.

 

Kisses and pretending to care means little to nothing. At the end of the day she got rid of you, right?

 

Wam, bam, thank you ma'am ...next.

In the short time of a month she went from like texting me everyday, sending snaps, suggesting we make out, really cuddly after sex to... nothing.

Even her words of affirmation are a bit odd, saying you love all those things, sending me all sort of love songs, and then changing like that completely.

For someone who told me not to catch feelings I often feel like she wanted me to or pursue her Jon such a fashion, but seems to me she’s internally conflicted, nothing I can do about that

I'm just letting you know from a woman's perspective...it doesn't sound like it.

Some women can be very fickle, especially those who are more into casual sex. They like Mr. right now but not Mr. right for long term.

The fact that she kept reminding you that she could leave at any time if she changed her mind, made it seem even more so that she did not want anything serious with you and wanted to make that well known.

If a woman was falling for you, she wouldn't play those games. She would tell you straight out and would make sure she didn't lose you or would push for something more serious.

I am being completely honest with you, she sounds like she had a good time with you for a short time and then changed her mind. Not for any other reason other than she was not looking for long term.

If anyone caught feelings, it sounds like you did, otherwise you wouldn't be going over this so much.

I would suggest in the future that you don't get into anymore fwb as it sounds like you would be much happier in an actual relationship with no mixed messages.

I'm just letting you know from a woman's perspective...it doesn't sound like it.

 

Some women can be very fickle, especially those who are more into casual sex. They like Mr. right now but not Mr. right for long term.

 

The fact that she kept reminding you that she could leave at any time if she changed her mind, made it seem even more so that she did not want anything serious with you and wanted to make that well known.

 

If a woman was falling for you, she wouldn't play those games. She would tell you straight out and would make sure she didn't lose you or would push for something more serious.

 

I am being completely honest with you, she sounds like she had a good time with you for a short time and then changed her mind. Not for any other reason other than she was not looking for long term.

 

If anyone caught feelings, it sounds like you did, otherwise you wouldn't be going over this so much.

I would suggest in the future that you don't get into anymore fwb as it sounds like you would be much happier in an actual relationship with no mixed messages.

Like I said I just wanted to keep hooking up, if I had any feelings I would have professed them but honestly didn’t develop any.

I guess the reason I asked is because I tend to keep in touch with former FWBs and never have any beef with them, this one was just much more erratic so I was just curious if there was anything I might have missed, so thank you for the advice

As for now I’m just doing my own thing and if she contacts me then we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it

Okay. Good luck, I hope you find what you're looking for.

In the short time of a month she went from like texting me everyday, sending snaps, suggesting we make out, really cuddly after sex to... nothing.

 

Even her words of affirmation are a bit odd, saying you love all those things, sending me all sort of love songs, and then changing like that completely.

That's because whether or not you both realized it, you were her placeholder until she met someone she wanted to be with on a more serious level. She loved the idea of romance and couple-y things, and loved the attention and buzz that comes with that, but she didn't have deep feelings for you as a person.

She sounds young - is she?

For what it's worth, I have never really kept in touch with a FWB once it was over. It's not because I have hard feelings, but I never felt right about keeping in contact with them when I was in a new relationship. It's a boundary I set for myself, out of respect for my partner.

It makes sense now that she wrote back to you about "helping her get through a bad time" and how she had no feelings for you. Sending this text about rereading her texts indicates that you were getting a bit obsessed and she really did need to put the final nail in the coffin to cut you loose. Now leave her alone, she has someone else, so go back to one of your other fwb so you can move forward and put it behind you..

I wrote this; I went back and re-read our conversation in the beginning and I found where you said “I’ve told you from the get go that this is all attention-seeking, I could decided at any second I’m not interested. Seems I had forgotten that part about knowing what I was getting into."

That's because whether or not you both realized it, you were her placeholder until she met someone she wanted to be with on a more serious level. She loved the idea of romance and couple-y things, and loved the attention and buzz that comes with that, but she didn't have deep feelings for you as a person.

That's an excellent way to describe it, albeit it sad. People spend time with other people for all sorts of reasons, she seemed to spend time with you based on needing a warm body and someone to be couple-y with but only for the time being and not having it actually mean anything. I think that's why she kept pressing the point that she could leave whenever she decided to, she didn't want you misinterpreting her behaviors as true affection.

She was honest with you, you gave her something she needed for the time being, but that's all it was.

Was it you in particular that she needed or was it just a warm body with whom she somewhat trusted? Hard to say. But she did make things sound very impersonal, as in she could have been with you or any guy who just happened to be there.

But if all you wanted was a fwb as well, then you've got no problems.

I do want to interject one thing that I feel is of importance.

The last two major relationships this person had, they both up and left her, one moved away without telling her, she came home and found all his stuff gone.

The other gentleman came back from a bender overseas, full of cheating, had sex with her one last time and then dumped HER.

So someone like me who showed up in the picture, told her she was beautiful, adoration and affection, things end -- and I assume it's because she didn't want her heart to get broke (sensing a pattern)

What I can also tell you is that there were some rather mixed signals from time to time from her that may have hinted she liked me.

I'm definitely not a push over, but rather a pretty logical person, decent head on my shoulders, take care of myself and am not one sided, so I have to believe that this was all pre-emptive.

The last two major relationships this person had, they both up and left her, one moved away without telling her, she came home and found all his stuff gone.

The other gentleman came back from a bender overseas, full of cheating, had sex with her one last time and then dumped HER.

 

So someone like me who showed up in the picture, told her she was beautiful, adoration and affection, things end -- and I assume it's because she didn't want her heart to get broke (sensing a pattern)

What I can also tell you is that there were some rather mixed signals from time to time from her that may have hinted she liked me.

Well, this even makes the picture more clear. She most definitely did not want anything serious and wasn't ready for it due to a bad past. She wanted physical closeness with no threats of being hurt.

You filled that space, nicely.

But now it's done.

Just see it for what it was, and be happy that you both got what you needed in that space and time.

End of.

I do want to interject one thing that I feel is of importance.

 

The last two major relationships this person had, they both up and left her, one moved away without telling her, she came home and found all his stuff gone.

The other gentleman came back from a bender overseas, full of cheating, had sex with her one last time and then dumped HER.

 

So someone like me who showed up in the picture, told her she was beautiful, adoration and affection, things end -- and I assume it's because she didn't want her heart to get broke (sensing a pattern)

What I can also tell you is that there were some rather mixed signals from time to time from her that may have hinted she liked me.

 

I'm definitely not a push over, but rather a pretty logical person, decent head on my shoulders, take care of myself and am not one sided, so I have to believe that this was all pre-emptive.

Of course it was "pre-emptive." It was a casual sexual relationship that was agreed to by both of you. These no strings attached things all (or at least mostly) have a shelf life. Your time with her expired. Period!

Sure she was fond of you, one has to have at the least, a liking for someone in order to enjoy sexual intimacy.

This is exactly what the perfect rebound fwb does. Now she's healed and moved on. You provided ego boosting, companionship and sex services and now she's done with all that. Healed and ready to date again.

So someone like me who showed up in the picture, told her she was beautiful, adoration and affection, things end.