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Thread: Slept with my work colleague

  1. #1
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    Slept with my work colleague

    So, there’s a guy at work who’s really lovely-we’ve always gotten on really well. Conversation is stimulating, he’s ambitious and easy on the eyes. Such a cliche but a week ago in was a work night out and me and him ended up in a bar together, when leaving he asked me back to his place, I did hesitate but said okay. We slept together that night and I spent the night day just lying in bed talking with him about personal stuff. We briefly texted the Sunday and I had to speak to him the Monday night so he come over again. We chatted for a bit and he voiced concerns regarding he didn’t want work to be affected I reassured him it wouldn’t be, he stayed over that night, left his toothbrush here and went to work from mine. Now, since then we haven’t texted and he said he’s probably free this weekend. He’s said over and over he wants something long term and serious however doesn’t make the effort outside of work. I like the guy but I just hope someone is able to give some advice as to how to handle this situation.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Does he mean being discrete at work? What would you like from this? If you want a dating situation go on outside dates on weekends and do not have last minute sleep overs on work nights. If you want casual or fwb then continue hooking up.
    Originally Posted by IroNic
    he voiced concerns regarding he didn’t want work to be affected
    since then we haven’t texted and he said he’s probably free this weekend.

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    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by IroNic
    He’s said over and over he wants something long term and serious however doesn’t make the effort outside of work. I like the guy but I just hope someone is able to give some advice as to how to handle this situation.
    At this point, I wouldn't take him seriously as to wanting something "long term and serious." My thoughts are how can he determine that while you barely know each other, and haven't spend any time dating" Sleeping together twice is not dating.

    I'm sorry but my guess is that this will amount to nothing, and will likely create an awkward situation in the work place. Either way, I would give this more thought.

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    It seems like it's just an office affair right now. You're communicating less than if you were in a dating relationship. I don't know if it's going to lead to much.

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  6. #5
    Member thisisrichey's Avatar
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    agree with the others. this seems more like a fling than something that will develop (always judge by what you see them DOING.... not what they SAY..)
    I would give the toothbrush back to symbollically let im know he just can't prance in and prance out whenever he wants. either he commits or he doesn't. (unless you are okay with a discrete fling too... then leave it as is and don't worrry about the future).

  7. #6
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Yeah, I kinda ageee with the others. His leaving his toothbrush and telling you he wants a relationship are just breadcrumbs if his actions aren’t matching. See if he asks to take you out on dates. Or you can maybe offer going tour to lunch on a weekend day. LUNCH not dinner or drinks that will lead to sex. You’ll have your answer pretty quick.

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    Yeah, I haven't contacted him an I'll wait to see if I hear from him over the weekend, either way I think we need to have a conversation about if we're both interested then we should date outside of work. Either way I'm not wanting casual, it's just so annoying as I do like the guy

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Didn't you already have that conversation?:

    "he voiced concerns regarding he didn’t want work to be affected" and "he wants something long term a however doesn’t make the effort"

    It's pretty clear that he wants to be discrete about the hookups but 'does not make the effort for anything long term or serious'. Try to view double talk for what it is. He's ok hooking up as long as there is no work drama and he doesn't mind 'your place or mine' style hookups but he is not looking for a relationship.
    Originally Posted by IroNic
    I haven't contacted him an I'll wait to see if I hear from him over the weekend.

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    It’s now apparent I’ve been ghosted, any advice for how I move on from this in work? :/

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Just go to work, act natural, professional and be the same toward him as any other coworkers. Do not text outside of work, or anything personal and do not hang out or hookup again. Get on some dating apps with a good profile and pics and start messaging and meeting men you don't work with. That will help you refocus on more viable dating situations.
    Originally Posted by IroNic
    It’s now apparent I’ve been ghosted, any advice for how I move on from this in work? :/

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