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Thread: Should women pursue men?

  1. #31
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    My mom's 'profession' was a model and she 'heavily' pursued my dad, even asked him to marry her!

    But they had a crap marriage and he cheated on her for years, eventually divorcing her and marrying her best friend from college whom HE pursued.

    That said, I know of couples where the woman's nature was dominant and the man's nature was more passive, and she did most of the pursuing. It was what worked for them and led to long term.

    I don't think anyone was suggesting that when a woman pursues, she does so in the same aggressive manner she pursued/is pursuing her professional career.

    Just like when a very successful professional man pursues me or any woman, his style is not gonna be nearly as aggressive or in some cases 'cut throat" that resulted in his professional success.

    The nuances in pursuing people/relationships are much gentler and softer than in pursuing professional success, no matter who is doing the pursuing.

    As an aside, last night I watched "Top Gun" (had not seen in years) -- Tom Cruise was a larger than life overly-aggressive cocky go-getter fighter pilot and the way he "pursued" Kelly McGinnis (his flight instructor) -- the sensitivity, the vulnerability, while remaining bold and confident actually gave me chills!!

    She also did her fair share of pursuing him too, which also gave me chills.

    That is the ideal in my opinion, where both people are "pursuing" each other.

    Lol @ how many times I used the word 'pursued' in this post!
    Last edited by katrina1980; 11-10-2018 at 07:41 PM.

  2. #32
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    I was talking about Sportsters post which seemed to imply aggressive behavior. My husband was extremely shy when we first dated. I was not -total extrovert (but was shy as a child so I think that may be why I relate well to shy/introverted people, I get it!). Took him several months to get up the courage to ask me out and after he did he was the one who did all of the asking in the beginning, until we were serious. And around the 4th date when I said I wasn't sure about things (I also was dating someone else) he did his best to convince me to give us a chance. But not in an aggressive way at all. He never was aggressive so it wasn't like being chased - it was more that he took the traditional role of doing the asking out. And insisted on paying. I was not passive in the least even though he asked out on dates. I don't think that means the woman is being passive as there are many ways of showing interest.

    Yes, I think both people should "pursue" each other -and it works best if they show interest in the way that makes the most sense to them, is the most comfortable -with the exception that I am a fan of going outside one's comfort zone in relationships if the result is to show more vulnerability/be closer. Not as a way to rationalize fitting a square peg in a round hole, though.

    I do know of women in intense careers like mine who have commented -and this is many women over many years- about how it's whatever year, how they "go for it" in their career so why not call the guy (again), ask him out, have sex right away because that kind of go for it/go getter attitude has served them well professionally. I just don't think it's the best analogy. In my career life apparently my colleagues thought I would take 4 days maternity leave, tops (well, they knew I'd take the 12 week but they figured I'd cut that short too). No one guessed I was thinking of being home long term. That's what I mean - other than the colleagues we're personally close to our professional demeanors/roles can be so different from what we're like romantically or at home.

    I really enjoyed what you wrote by the way especially about Top Gun! Hope you also loved Risky Business lol.

  3. 11-12-2018, 09:49 AM

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