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Thread: Should women pursue men?

  1. #11
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    Just text or call them and ask what's up? Would you like to meet up for coffee? Sometimes guys get scared about being rejected and are afraid to follow up. If they don't pick up the ball and meet you, then you know they're not interested.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    Never go after anyone who suddenly drops off. The reasons behind their silence may have nothing to do with you, but you would definitely come off as desperate to pursue anyone who decided they no longer care about replying to your texts/calls.

    I agree with other posters. You should look for the whole package, if what you're seeking is a long-term partner. Take anyone not sticking around as a sign that the person is not for you and move on. As far as whether or not it's okay to be the one to initially approach a guy, I personally think it's fine (and do it occasionally) but again, don't be too aggressive. Healthy bonds occur organically and do not need to be forced.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Donít pursue anyone who disappears. Focus on equal effort, itíll happen. A lot faster if you make sure not to waste time on men who are at best like warm. Good luck!

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by j.man
    No one, man or woman, should pursue someone who "ghosts" them or otherwise is obviously disinterested. There isn't a single man worth a damn out there who would genuinely be into a woman only to read her text and say, "Ugh, she's asking me out? I get that it's 2018 and all but geeeeewhizzzzzz... NEXT."
    LOL, so true!

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  6. #15
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    Good point about "equal effort" and I agree.

    Which begs the question, OP have you made the effort to reach out to him (or them)? You know "equal effort" and all that.

    If not, does that mean that you have disappeared too? Ghosted them?

    Or does it mean that you both ghosted each other?

    I'm not being obtuse, I promise, but all this analyzing about them disappearing and ghosting when you haven't made any effort to reach out either doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me.

    Now if you believe that men should do all the initiating in the early stages, and that the women sits back and makes zero effort, that's different.

    Hardly sounds fair, but is that what you believe OP?

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by ButterToast
    Hello world, I am a ambitious, independent, dynamic, outgoing, extrovert Female who is single AF.

    Iíve dated a lot to know how to distinguish bad men.
    Last year I listed our 12 guys Iíve dated and I choice looks over personality. And it all went pretty bad...lol my fault..

    This year, some of my gifted psychic friends said to meet guys that are not so good looking but has a great personality & heart.

    So....I gave it try...and the dates would go really well, I was so intellectually attracted to them than physically attracted. We had a great intellectual stimulating conversation and I really liked him.

    All of the sudden I get ghosted by these men. And idk why?

    I want to pursue these men, but Iím scared.
    How should I pursue? What should I do?
    What should I say? Should a women pursue men?

    Let me know your thoughts
    I think you are assigning more interest to men than they have or you have because your "psychic friend" told you that you should consider guys that are not so good looking and therefore you are assuming all the guys who are not 10's are automatically interested in you if they carry on a conversation with you. I think that you should keep meeting new guys and when one is interested, they will ask you out again. I guarantee he will.

    Its like someone i used to work with - a psychic told her that she would meet a man named joe on a boat and she would marry him. well guess what? on the weekends she worked on one of those river cruise casino boats - she was always on a boat. Joe is an EXTREMELY COMMON NAME. In fact, even more so in her age group (i mean, you don't hear it as much with all the Calebs Hunters and Liams now but over 35 there are TONS of Joes so the first Joe she comes across she is automatically hangs on all his words and she starts dating him. He proposes and she says "i don't think i love him" but married him anyhow.
    Because you know, the psychic lady said so!

  8. #17
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    I don't understand why you would want to pursue anyone who had ghosted you? Certainly, you expect more for yourself.

  9. #18
    Silver Member Jellybean9's Avatar
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    Answer to your first question: Should women persue men?

    Why should it be a "thing" in this day and age? It is all about Gender equality now. So that said I am not sure why we still live in a society with outdated concept on dating.

    Gone are the days women stay home minding the kids and cooking apple pies. Women are out there in the world earning and just as successful as men all while raising a family.

    Laws have now made it that we have rights and are on level playing feild with men finally.

    That said why should a women wait around for a man to "make the first move" when it comes to dating. Let's say a women really wants something like a promotion in her firm. She will fight just as hard as her male counterparts. Again equal in their efforts.

    So why is it the case that if a women really wants a "date" with someone she is weak or "needy" for her to take control and reach out first?

    I believe a women can pursue a man if she so pleases. Same way a man can persue a women.

    This does not mean pushing someone who clearly not interested. Like if someone after you initaited to meet again. Or made the first message after a date isn't responsive then there is your answer. But this would be the same is a man was pursing a women and she wasn't interested. So I think women have the right to persue a man in the same way too.

    The whole ghosting concept now is a separate issue. Depends on what she means by them just ghosting. Is it them not texting after the first date? Or them outright ignoring her messages?

    No one - women are man should chase someone who is outright "ignoring" them. That is someone who needs to go!

    On the other hand. Let's say they didn't follow up on a date. I personally don't see it as a negative a women reaching out.

    I have been on first dates where by time I got home they guy has said thank you for a lovely date and asked if I got home okay. I've also been on dates when they haven't so I would message saying "thank you for the date it was lovely". As what ever way you look at it I am thankful for their time!

    I have been on a first date where one of the guys message me saying it was lovely to meet me and how he had a lovely time. I replied and within that train journey home we planned our 2nd date.

    Now on the 2nd date he tells me how he was "scared" to message me as even though our first date was really lovely you can never be sure if the other person felt the same.

    Which is true after a first date you have no idea if your date is enjoying it as much as you. He said he was so pleased when I replied very postive and we planned to see each other again. Funny enough he eventually became my boyfriend.

    So let's say get was to scared to text me that evening. Scared I would reject him? I wouldn't of had the beautiful memories I ended up having with him. Reason being society dictates it's "wrong to persue a man".

    As I know if I told my friends I was on an amazing date and I didn't hear back from him the next day... They would tell me to block and run!

    This is why after any first date whether they messaged first or not. I would always say thank you for the date. As it's polite. I'm not losing any of my dignity if they never reply. At least I was decent enough to thank someone.

    So should a women persue a man? Yes why not we live in a world where we are eqaul.

  10. #19
    Silver Member Jellybean9's Avatar
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    So to address the issue of as to why you was ghosted!

    Again without understanding if they simple didn't message you first after the date.

    Or they just ignored your messages after.

    It's hard to ever really know why someone just switches off even if they appear they enjoyed the first date. Like I said in my post above it could be they are "too scared" to make the first move as they are not sure if you enjoyed it like they did.

    Men are just as insecure are women. We paint them to be big strong lions and truth is they get just as scared of rejection as we do. Really they are just cats too.

    So maybe following the date they are scared as they felt you wasn't that into it... Who knows?

    That said you usually date "good looking guys". So I'm guessing you must be some what attractive yourself. Just speculating but men are visual and if you are dating hot guys I'm guessing they would want to date a hot women. I'm not saying that's how it always is and people are shallow. I am just assuming.

    So you've taken your psychic friends advice and now dating not as "attractive" men.

    I'm not a massive believer in the whole "leagues" thing but it is very real to some people. This obviously means although you are having great intellectually stimulating conversation with these men. They are more than likely sitting there thinking "she is way too good for me".

    So put yourself in their shoes. You go on a date with a man a little out of your league. You are not sure how the date went... You get home and you don't hear back from him. You would think he obviously doesn't find me attractive. How could he as he is like a 10 and I'm not. I'm sure these guys must probably feel the same too. Like it's too good to be true to get on with someone on an intellectual level and they are also stunning!

    Maybe it's a case of "she's too good for me". So dropping that text after a date saying you had a lovely time isn't a bad idea in my opinion on these sort of dates.

    Only reason I say this in my last thread on this forum I said I am driven by personallity. It has lead to me dating guys that aren't the most handsome. I have had friends say he is "punching above his weight" and all sorts. I think the last guy I dated one of my friends said: "Youíd be that couple where people are like
    How the hell did he get with her"
    That is copy and pasted straight from the group chat.

    This is what people see when you date someone who isn't all that to look at and you are attractive. Guys also think that way too as I've had a guy outright tell me on a date "you are too good for me and you could do better".

    So keep that in mind when dating people who are a little bit below your "league" as they won't be the most confident people to date.

    That said don't ever settle for anyone if you have a "type" go for it! You are doing yourself an injustice by dating not so good looking guys because your friend said so. Yes they probably have nicer personalities but you also can't force physical attraction.

    We will never know why these guys ghost you. It's probably more painful to get ghosted by a not so attractive guy but know men have their insecurities too.

    Best of luck!

  11. #20
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    Well, this sort of goes back to the age-old question of "why are all the guys who ask me out idiots? Is it me?"

    In a way, yes, because the "idiots" have no shame and don't fear rejection, and they've learned that if they ask enough girls, someone will go home with them.

    The sensitive ones are like some of the guys posting On ENA who ask whether some girl that looked at them might like them or not. Or they've wondered for 3 years whether to ask a girl in school out.

    If there's a guy you like, ask him out, or at least make a strong suggestion like "you should ask me out for coffee sometime" or something like that. Don't wait 3 years.

    Sometimes a guy just needs a little encouragement.

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