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Thread: Dont know what to do now

  1. #1

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    Dont know what to do now

    After 4 years my partner and I have broke up, its not been an easy relationship as I have had a lot of trauma in my life and did have severe insecurity and jelousy, I did deal with it and eventually realised that I did have self worth and I am good enough when compared with other people. However, when my partner and I fall out or have a tiff it is still said to be down to my "issues" and it becomes extreme arguments and no matter how much I try to fix it, it always comes back to me. Yesterday he told me I was responsible for everything that went wrong, that I cant see how I am and I am in denial, and the only thing he will be responsible for is breaking up, he hasn't spoke to me for 10 days until yesterday and said everything he didn't want from a partner was stood right in front of him. I am a mess, I don't know how to stop trying to contact him, I am struggling not to try to put it right or beg him to come back

  2. #2
    Member thisisrichey's Avatar
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    you leave.. that's what you do.
    nothign is ever "one persons' fault" 100% of the time, 100% of the blame. So anybody that is "never wrong and always right" - is not a person to be with.

    you leave. that's what you do. they will never change. they don't think there is anythign they need to change.

    why put up with this anymore?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry this happened. What were all the arguments about? He sounds rather verbally abusive and as though he enjoys beating you down. You need to cut him out of your life. This means blocking and deleting him and all his people from all your social media and messaging apps. That is the only way to heal from this tyrant.

    This is a blessing in disguise. Continue your therapy for whatever you wish to improve in yourself. Do not go back and beg for more mental abuse. Instead educate yourself on the subject.
    Originally Posted by ash11
    After 4 years my partner and I have broke up. when my partner and I fall out or have a tiff it is still said to be down to my "issues" and it becomes extreme arguments. Yesterday he told me I was responsible for everything that went wrong, that I cant see how I am and I am in denial, and the only thing he will be responsible for is breaking up.

  4. #4

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    Some of the arguments were about my persona and insecurities in the past but I did seek help with that and dealt with my lack of self worth I felt from trauma in my life, but recently they were when I niggle or snipe about things, I am not mean as I don't shout or anything, I just sometimes get short but I think everyone does, I felt I was a good attentive partner. I didn't react much when he was short if I am honest, I kinda just think everyone has bad days. thank you for your reply

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  6. #5

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    I believe also it takes 2 to make it and also 2 to break it but it has left me confused about who I am and afraid I don't see things in myself

  7. #6
    Member thisisrichey's Avatar
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    you find clarity and identity by LEAVING ....

  8. #7
    Gold Member SGH's Avatar
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    The situation rings of classic abuse, possibly of the narcissistic variety. Relationships are a dynamic interaction. It's impossible for one person to be responsible for all of the problems. Obviously not much information was provided, but you sound like you struggle with significant dependency issues.

    Get yourself into therapy if the resources are available to you and cut contact immediately no matter how much you want to keep begging, pleading, and falsely blaming yourself. You need to discover why you equate pain with love and why you are willing to accept such harmful treatment from a partner. Until you've worked out your own baggage, it probably will not be possible for you to have a healthy relationship with anyone.

  9. #8

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    thank you for your honesty and reply and I am taking the advice on board

  10. #9
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Get yourself some therapy asap and learn how to realize you are better off without him.

  11. #10
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    He sounds abusive. Get some therapy and deal with your issues.


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